This may be long, I apologize. So I'm betting I'm not the only one who can take tiny things and put them all together and build a person up into a horrible monster because you're so afraid of getting hurt/abandoned.
I love this guy a lot, really, really do. BUT, he has social anxiety, needs space, emotionally immature responses due to lack of serious relationships because of the social anxiety and because I care so deeply for him I am 100% convinced(most of the time) that he's not the sweet, caring, kind of naive, and somewhat selfish guy I fell in love with.
After his last inability to communicate with me that he needed space because he feels overwhelmed because he doesn't know how to be in a relationship he took it out on me, got very passive aggressive, withdrew, tried to blame me, etc.
So now, considering the PTSD and my past my brain is putting together those pieces and looking for any bit of evidence that that is who he really is. That maybe he will be abusive in the future, maybe he is sleeping around, maybe he lies about everything.
Until this things were going well. I was actually starting to trust a person and then BAM, right back to square one.
I told him flat out I don't trust him anymore and that I have returned the big wall between us and emotionally distanced myself and if he wants to be in this relationship he has to earn it back and find a way through that wall.
So, is this typical PTSD stuff, should I assume he's not a bad guy and just very overwhelmed by all this new territory of being in a real relationship while keeping some distance for safety or is he the HUGE jerk I'm making him out to be who is probably lying about everything?
This stuff is so confusing for me because my brain really believes that he's that jerk and my heart really believes he's the sweet guy I fell in love with. From moment to moment it's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and I don't know what to believe.
Any advice is welcome:)
I love this guy a lot, really, really do. BUT, he has social anxiety, needs space, emotionally immature responses due to lack of serious relationships because of the social anxiety and because I care so deeply for him I am 100% convinced(most of the time) that he's not the sweet, caring, kind of naive, and somewhat selfish guy I fell in love with.
After his last inability to communicate with me that he needed space because he feels overwhelmed because he doesn't know how to be in a relationship he took it out on me, got very passive aggressive, withdrew, tried to blame me, etc.
So now, considering the PTSD and my past my brain is putting together those pieces and looking for any bit of evidence that that is who he really is. That maybe he will be abusive in the future, maybe he is sleeping around, maybe he lies about everything.
Until this things were going well. I was actually starting to trust a person and then BAM, right back to square one.
I told him flat out I don't trust him anymore and that I have returned the big wall between us and emotionally distanced myself and if he wants to be in this relationship he has to earn it back and find a way through that wall.
So, is this typical PTSD stuff, should I assume he's not a bad guy and just very overwhelmed by all this new territory of being in a real relationship while keeping some distance for safety or is he the HUGE jerk I'm making him out to be who is probably lying about everything?
This stuff is so confusing for me because my brain really believes that he's that jerk and my heart really believes he's the sweet guy I fell in love with. From moment to moment it's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and I don't know what to believe.
Any advice is welcome:)
