A Little Too Drunk

[LittleGirlLost]

I am also aware that I used alcohol as a "social disinhibiter", it was a maladaptive coping mechanism for me in social situations and also to numb out and avoid uncomfortable feelings.

Booze is a depressant and can increase PTSD symptoms or depression. A trial run at abstinence (I would recommend though 90 days) could give you some more insight to your own situation.

So I feel two ways about it being a coping mechanism:

1) I definitely think this is true of my getting a little too drunk at large social gatherings, in which the ratio of people who require no energy and who I love and trust to people who are acquaintances/strangers/require a lot of energy is not in my favor. These are few and far between, but I think there's an element of drinking more than I want to in order to calm that social anxiety so that I can mix and mingle and enjoy myself.

2) The vast majority of these instances are in small group situations where the ratio doesn't even exist. These are groups of about eight or sometimes fewer of people in whom I have complete trust and who I can be around even at my most anxious or depressive and not feel like it's costing me any extra energy. I find these situations, in fact, energizing. They're incredibly helpful for lifting my mood for the rest of that week. And, as I said, we don't always drink when we're together. But when we do (as in yesterday's Drunk Easter Brunch), since early February, I've definitely been drinking more than I want to. Or rather, I'm enjoying myself and I'm enjoying drinking and being drunk and happy and I think maybe the issue here is that I want it to continue indefinitely, so I have one or two more drinks beyond where I might otherwise stop.


I am definitely aware that alcohol is a depressant, which does nothing good for my PTSD, which is a large part (beyond my worry of my social drinking issues recently) of why I haven't been drinking at home alone since February. I should note that in times when I do drink at home alone, it's for a reason like...I'm marathoning Mad Men and I want a martini, so I have one and I stop. But, like I said, I've been careful not to do it since the social drinking thing started.

 

[The Albatross]

Ah but what cost is it to those who are around you during these events? It is not being happy, it is the propensity to go past the point of where you are comfortable that is the "tell". If going a couple drinks past the point in social settings becomes or has become habitual. There is an underlying problem... either substance abuse, or mental/emotionally. Only you can determine which is which.

Many social drinkers don't aim for drunk or just past drunk. The unfortunate consequence of reinforcing the habit of so doing, can put you at risk for unwanted higher risk situations because every single time you do it your reinforce to your brain, it is okay. That is how behavior matters, and habits become so ingrained.

Also, over indulging sets you up for some potential risk because you're past the point of good judgment. So far as being able to trust the people you're with. For a time that may serve, but ultimately, if the habit is allowed to go on unrestrained, people begin to resent, or retaliate. It is not a nice way to treat your friends. Like I said, I didn't want to be "that" girl in the group I was with.

 

[LittleGirlLost]

I imagine the issue is mental/emotional and that I'm just going to have to forego social drinking for a while until I can return to my healthy habits.

Thank you guys so much for discussing this with me. I wasn't 100% sure I was going to bring it up with my therapist tomorrow when I was writing this post last night, but I definitely will be doing so now.

Obviously if it was something I was in a good place to curb on my own, I'd have done it by now.

 

[The Albatross]

Oops... I added in edit, you might not like it now.

 

[LittleGirlLost]

Nope, I definitely still like it and that's a thought I've been considering as well.

 

[The Albatross]

The reason I suggest a longer period of trial abstinence is because brain chemistry stabilizes in 90 days to 6 months depending on how hard you drank. Full withdrawal is between 1 and 5 years.

 

[The Albatross]

Link of what to be mindful of should you attempt a trial abstinence: http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm

 

[LittleGirlLost]

I definitely was resentful of always having to take care of my roommates or go home alone because they were always overdoing it. And while I'm never that bad, I still don't want that to be who I am.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'm working on 23 years sober, lost a step-brother, friends, and cousins to addiction, and am an adult child and grandchild of alcoholics.

I also was a paramedic/E.R. tech in a level 2 trauma center in a college town. Some of my traumas from that job were caused by other's alcohol use.

Asking others to control our drinking is a highly unfair request to make on other human beings. If we can't control our own drinking, how can we put that burden on someone else? If they feel responsible for us, and we get hurt or O.D. or get in a fight, they are left with a terrible emotional burden.

Also, anytime we ask another human being to enable, control, or take responsibility for our own actions feeds on their codependence, which is a disease just as debilitating as alcoholism. Also, it allows us to stay in denial longer.

Healthy, un-addicted people just don't do that to others.

We can choose to drink, but we're kidding ourselves if we think another human being has more control over our drinking than we do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I see a lot of denial.

Yes you started the thread, but you keep giving us excuses as to why you can't stop. My brothers were addicts, so I know the signs. I can always get home safely. I live in NYC. Etc, etc, etc.

And, you say that you'll tell everyone else to not let you have more than one drink. You're not a child; you're an adult. You have the right to drink, but the responsibility to know when to say when. That statement alone tells me you have a problem in that you can't cut yourself off at just one drink.

 

[JessMar0126]

Little Lost Girl...I realize I am jumping into this communication late..but I feel the need to after the postings.
I will do my best not to go into too much detail about my experiences.

First, I am 32 years old, very successful and have my crap together. With that, alcoholism and depression run on both sides of my family. I too, have a brother that was a druggy. In my early 20's I drank in social situations as well. Always got myself home and pretty much had a decent memory. I remember times when it was once a week, then twice a week, then moved to 3. When I drank it was usually to celebrate something or something to do with friends. Then I began hitting rough spots...and I was trying to drink away my emotions...and it became fairly constant. When I was 26, I started suffering blackouts.

Well at that time, guess what, I know the routine. I had seen one too many people go through this in my family. So I would recognize it and slow down. After a while you think I am all better again...and then the vicious circle starts again.

I have done this on and off again thing for many of years. In December, I wasn't drinking too much. Sometimes when I did it would be at my house by myself and I would be fine, other times by myself I would wake up with no memory. I would go out too, but you never know what kind of condition I would be in.

In January, I drank wine by myself at home and woke up with my car missing. I drove to a bar and to this day don't know how I got home. Didn't drink for a couple of weeks...then on Feb 9 I had a few glasses of wine, and ended up blacking out. I believe I was roofied that night...because 6 hours of drinking and a few glasses of wine and water doesn't make me black out. Something very scary happened to me that night....and I don't remember how it happened. Since then I haven't touched a drop of alcohol.

So what I want to tell you is it' important to recognize the signs. A lot of what you are describing is what I have been through or the thoughts I have had. Also like you, I have great, supportive, kind friends. Well at one point I had toxic friend but I ridded myself of them a few years ago. The point is, is you are having concerns and recognizing them, don't discredit what you are feeling. Acknowledge it and work with it. Don't ever ever underestimate what you are feeling. Talk to somebody, get the help you need, and engage in healthy activities. It seems you are, but my mistake was discrediting what I knew in my heart was turning into a huge potential problem. I have to say...7 weeks and no drinking feels great. I am physically and mentally healthier, and my relationships are healthier too. That's not to say I won't drink again...but the next time I do I hope it's in moderation. The key is to learn the triggers that make you drink in excess.

I wish you all of the best on your journey. If you ever need to talk I am here:)

 

[LittleGirlLost]

Yes you started the thread, but you keep giving us excuses as to why you can't stop. My brothers were addicts, so I know the signs. I can always get home safely. I live in NYC. Etc, etc, etc.

And, you say that you'll tell everyone else to not let you have more than one drink. You're not a child; you're an adult. You have the right to drink, but the responsibility to know when to say when. That statement alone tells me you have a problem in that you can't cut yourself off at just one drink.

Those aren't excuses for why I can't stop; those are my trying to explain that I am not currently an alcoholic and not necessarily in immediate danger of becoming one. If you keep reading my replies, you'll find that I do think I'm going to take a break for a while until I can moderate myself and that I'm bringing it up with my therapist tomorrow.

I agree with what you guys are saying about it being unfair to put that kind of pressure on someone else. Also another reason why I'm going to abstain from drinking until I figure out what's causing me to act the way I am. Certainly I would never expect anyone else to be responsible for me. When I say that I'd ask someone to make sure I only have one drink, what I really mean is to support me when I say I shouldn't have another drink regardless of whether or not other people are having more drinks or whether or not they're encouraging me to have more as well.

My situation is not as dire as people are taking it to be, but unfortunately I don't know how to express that to people that don't really know me without it being taken as denial. So. You can think I'm in denial and that's fine. I'm bringing it up with my therapist tomorrow and I'll go from there.