Confessions...

[Ovaco]

Every day I wake up dreading it. I push through it but the anxiety is so bad it hurts. I will keep pushing anyway, but I know I'm working against the clock. Sooner or later it will come to a point where I lose control of this. I wish I could get the help I need. I hate you America for just assuming the poor can 'get a job' and afford health care. Health care is hundreds of dollars a month or hundreds of dollars a visit. Minimum wage workers CAN'T afford that.

 

[Zinaf]

There are aspects of my marriage that have been abusive. It is OK at present but goes in phases. Nothing "terrible" but I can't find it in me to feel it is wrong and I don't have the energy to think of a change. Its comfortable. Especially since he really doesn't notice much what is happening with me and leaves me to get on with the PTSD uninterrupted. Not that I have told him anything. Its not as if I could have another relationship presently anyway.

 

[Pusesof]

I am glad someone flippin understands!

haha

It's funny I read a quote I wrote and forgot I wrote and I was like wow I so relate to this person. Ha.

 

[Ovaco]

I'm to the point now where I'm struggling not to hate men. They lie, cheat and though so many claim not to be like that, I watch them do the same. I've also learned that I am not one of those people who breaks, I just get harder and that terrifies me. I don't want to see how hard I'm capable of becoming.

 

[Mopeca]

I am scared.

 

[Ranis]

When I get angry, I feel a HUGE amount of self hatred. When I get angry I think I am better off dead then hurting others with my anger.

I have never physical hurt anyone though...

 

[Eli]

I always feel guilty. I always ask myself 'what did I do wrong now?'.

I wait for people to hurt me. To humiliate me. To accuse me. To belittle me.

 

[Ovaco]

I wish I was worth being loved. I know I'm not a good person. I don't like what I am. I know I keep teetering between darkness and light. I'm still doing what it takes to survive and it's all I have strength for. I'm not proud of that, I'm ashamed. But this is who I am, and if that means I'm not worth the help I keep begging for, I don't know what else to do.

 

[Epo]

Everyone is worth help and healing. We are all human beings.

 

[Vuzaba]

My life is fading away. I've been stupid. I can't tell you how surreal and fed up my life is getting. I need a time machine. There will probably be a time machine before there is ever a cure for this. Please help. Just universe in general. Whenever I ask the universe for help it fails. I almost forgot that. Universe, this probably is the time I turn wiccan or something. Universe.

 

[Epo]

Hiding here as there is too much anger and disagreement on the site today. :( Wish I didn't absorb these things so much still on an emotional level.

I can see everyone's sensitivities, their probable causes, and mine, and it is painful.

 

[Fabatu]

I'm so angry, feeling defeated, and at a loss. Should I wait for you or should I move on? I don't know why I stay. I don't know why I still believe you everytime you say you will call, but doesn't. Despite of it all, my heart still yearns for you.