General I Fell Down And Can't Get Up..

[dayglo]

Been there several times with several therapists. She always see the couples counseling as a way to "change me", but if the conversation turns to her, it's the therapist and myself "teaming up against her" = trigger.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm wondering how much is really "trigger" and how much general anxiety or emotional dysfunction caused by stress. I have pondered how/if your cancer can be a "trigger" for her. It seems more like she's mood swinging all over the place. Maybe it's time for her to have a medication review.

 

[dayglo]

She had one, and the Psychiatrist basically said "When you start having bad thoughts, take an extra Klonopin. I'm pushing her to consider seeing another group as that did not seem to be a sufficient answer for me.

Her younger sister passed away at the age of 13 (40 years ago) due to cancer after suffering terribly for over 3 years. So my surgery was definitely a huge stressor.

 

[dayglo]

Wow. Today's argument was something that happened 20 years ago. I'm not allowed to bring up anything from last week, I get accused of "I'm living in the past", but it's OK for her to do so since she says "I have PTSD". Really getting bitter now.

 

[The Albatross]

Good grief. I think I'd be reexamining the dynamics of the relationship in joint counseling when I got back on my feet. Having PTSD is one thing, torturing your husband who is recovering from surgery with it is quite another. Way way out of bounds.

 

[ISupportHer]

Just checking in. How are you doing with your post-op issues?

 

[dayglo]

Post-Op I'm slowly getting better. Dealing with my wife is another story. The only time I have bladder issues is when I deal with her arguing.

IMO her therapist and Psychiatrist are not doing their job but since she's under active treatment there doesn't see to be much I can do on that end.

Whenever we go for joint counseling, and the topic changes to *her* behavior, she gets very defensive and accuses the therapist and myself of "teaming up on her". Then she stews and simmers until that evening she gets triggered.

We just had another blowout. She packed her bag and threatened to take my son and leave for good. I lost it and told her to leave and "don't come back until you stop abusing me and treating me like a piece of sh*t". She left alone...

Somehow she remembers the things I say when she's triggered, but the things she says to me (which are 100 times worse) are lost forever. So I'm sure she will remember what I said forever :(

And I'm supposed to start a new job in two weeks. Good grief.

Whatever stress I have is multiplied a hundredfold by her PTSD.

 

[dayglo]

So she's at a hotel. She's called me up and saying *I* need to change. And if I don't she said

"I will stay where I am and I promise to use up all our financial resources"

It hasn't even been one month since my cancer surgery.
I guess I'm lucky it's happening now and hopefully will be over before I start my new job.

 

[StarChild]

Dear Dayglo, it quite saddens me to read all these things... I get the impression, that she would do everything to get attention, and that she won't forgive you that because of your cancer, you got "more attention" than her. :( And it seems to me, that she needs or badly wants to have a lock on you.

"I will stay where I am and I promise to use up all our financial resources"

Is it possible, to block your account, or transfer the money to an account where she doesn't have access? But to leave some money on the "old" account, so that she can (should) stay a few days in that hotel? Or the other way around: That you stay in a hotel?

I lost it and told her to leave and "don't come back until you stop abusing me and treating me like a piece of sh*t".

I thought about your situation during the past weeks; Abuse has many faces... I see quite a few emotional blackmail in her acting. Are all these episodes of her acting "business as usual"? Would it be a possibility or even necessary, to hospitalize her? Please don't get me wrong. I'm not judging her, but I'm quite concerned. The situation, as it presents itself right now, is anything but healthy. What would be good for you and what for your wife, right now?

And there's another point I'm thinking about; So many times, when desperate women reach out to this forum, and ask for help because their boyfriend/hubby/sufferer treats them quite bad, we often had to tell them "Not every bad manner is PTSD! Look after yourself first!" And Dayglo, I'd like to tell you respectfully the same: Not every bad behavior of your wife is PTSD. You have the same right to be respected and live a happy life as everyone else. What would you do, if she didn't have PTSD, but would act the same way? Would you tolerate to be treated that bad or would you refuse such a treatment?

I'm fully aware, that I don't walk in your or your wife's shoes. And my writing is neither a judgment nor a reproach. I'm just really concerned about you and your wife and son - And so I tried to share my thoughts with you.

Please take good care of you.

 

[ms spock]

I am concerned to read that your wife is being so abusive to you. That is really sad.

Do you have a psychologist to get support from Dayglo? Because it isn't okay for her to be treating you the way she is treating you. Some of it reads to me as being quite abusive.

I hope you feeling better soon.

 

[dayglo]

Is it possible, to block your account, or transfer the money to an account where she doesn't have access? But to leave some money on the "old" account, so that she can (should) stay a few days in that hotel? Or the other way around: That you stay in a hotel?

I've thought of that. But this is more of a way to give me emotional "agita"

Would it be a possibility or even necessary, to hospitalize her?

She's seeing a social worker and a psychiatrist. I think they are failing her.

Not every bad behavior of your wife is PTSD.

True. But her statements take on a cruel and sadistic turn when she is triggered. The latest is "Now that you are impotent you have an excuse not to be near me anymore" (it's less than one month after my prostate was removed, so yes, I have ED).

 

[ms spock]

But her statements take on a cruel and sadistic turn when she is triggered.

Ultimately she has to take responsibility for this. I am feeling for you that you have had surgery and this on top of it dayglo. I hope things look up soon.