General Christmas Card

[aj1]

I bought some very simple Snoopy and Woodstock Christmas cards. As I began to fill them out to send to family, I really began to debate if I should send one to my ex. I am shut out at the moment, but have tried a few times to text and email, but it has been brief. I have way over analyzed it and don't know what is the normal thing to do anymore. We were great friends in our brief time together. It ended a bit suddenly for me, but I know she had been getting more quiet on me towards the end. We've been apart for about two months.

It is probably over for good, and I really do not expect her to acknowledge the card. But I want to send it as I still care about her very much. Honestly I have not really reconciled what she thinks of me as there is no communication. I don't know if I am thought of at all anymore in her life, so I think sending the card is selfish. I know the holidays are hard for many people, so I don't know if she will like it or if she will just throw it away.

The inside reads "May the gifts of Christmas bring you happy moments and happy memories."

I probably wont write much more that "Wishing you the best in 2014."

So, I am conflicted and don't know what to think, send or don't send?

 

[DMerish]

I apologize for not recalling your bacground . . . .

IMO whether or not it would be appropriate to send a card would be depend on the circumstances surrounding the break up. So, who broke off the relationship with whom? Did something unexpected/unfavorable happen that ended it? Or did it jsort of fizzle out?

 

[aj1]

This is my story. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/an-email-i-want-to-send-but-not-sure-if-i-should.37400/

She ended it with me, and I really didn't see it coming at the time. I though she was super busy with work and school when she started to get quiet.

 

[DMerish]

Did you send her the letter you were thinking about sending her a while ago?

 

[aj1]

I did, no reply. Thus I think the card is a lost cause.

 

[nursenurse]

I think you have your answer. Why set yourself up for more disappointment? She knows where you are. Let her reach out if she wants to.

 

[DMerish]

The inside reads "May the gifts of Christmas bring you happy moments and happy memories." I probably wont write much more that "Wishing you the best in 2014."

No harm in sending it unless you continue to keep your hopes up.

The card already says, "May the gifts of Christmas bring you happy moments and happy memories."

" . . . happy memories." implies carrying good thoughts into the future, i.e. 2014. Therefore, adding "Wishing you the best in 2014" is somewhat redundant. Just sign your name and leave it at that, or if you really, really feel you need to add more just sign it,

"Best wishes"
Your name.

Put it in the mail - let it go - you need to be thinking of other things. Take care of yourself, be open. Lots of other fish out there - let them find you.

 

[aj1]

Yeah, it's the hopeless romantic in me. Every time I give up, things keep popping up in my life that bring her back into my thoughts. A friends wife had a Christmas cactus I saw last weekend. I looked at it, and knew it was familiar, and then I remembered my ex's Mom had one. Well the friend offered do give me a root of it and I declined. Next day, she bought me one, so now I have this cactus blooming by my TV making me think...

As for being open, I have been. I haven't been dwelling on it for about a month. I do know she should be done with her finals soon, so that stress will be out of her life soon. I don't know, I guess she has told me all she needs to say. I feel like I still have something left to say.

 

[Lost Pup]

If the card is sent with the genuine intention of wishing her the best for the new year, that seems fine. If the intention, as it sounds like, is to win her back (in any way), I suspect she will pick up that. I suspect it won't be received well.

 

[Annie B]

If you still have something to say to her, say it! Get it off your chest so you can close that chapter and start a new one. But be prepared for the possibility that it might either backfire on you or you will get no response. Closure is good, clinging to a relationship that's gone is not. Which one drives your need to send this card?

 

[aj1]

Honestly, I miss my friend. I think deep down I know she must not be ready, or never will be. I just struggle with fully understanding. I know she's not playing a game on me. I just want her to know I am still here, and I feel that is selfish. I worry that I waited to long and she thinks I don't care. I'm just so confused.

 

[jd9900]

From how you describe things, and knowing what I do about my personality, I would send her the christmas card, along with a letter inside expressing what I wanted to say. I would go out of my way to be respectful in the letter, but make sure I got my point across as well. After that, I would let it go - the ball is in her court now.

I know that logic and love don't often mix well, so I would send her a letter and a card, and then do my best to focus on me while she is doing the same for her.

I wish you well. I know how hard it is to have patience when it comes to matters of the heart.