Angry At My Therapist

[Leah123]

Oh, I didn't need help fostering independence, just the opposite. We are in touch regularly, so this was part of a written session. It was more difficult to communicate via email initially, but as our relationship has deepened and we know each other's style better, and relevant issues, I think it's smoothed out quite a bit. I love the flexibility of being able to write to her when inspired. It's been amazing.

Not perfect, obviously, but as I mentioned initially, I believe this will resolve smoothly and I am just here to vent some of the anger that I didn't figure would be productive, that extra "once I'm riled up, I'm REALLY riled up" reaction.

 

[Leah123]

I have to say I wish I could manage to be pissed and still be funny, like you. When I'm angry I just go stupid.

That made me laugh!!! Reality is, I had to delete a reply here after I posted it, because my anger was getting the better of me, so.... nope, not something I've got a perfect handle on, haha. I definitely go stupid too, that's why I'm here, instead of writing ANOTHER reply to my T! ;)

 

[katiekat]

I think that a lot of this boils down to miscommunication which is easy to do when we communicate only over text. Have you considered not contacting her outside of session unless you're in crisis? All of my therapists pretty much had this rule and while I hated it at times, I was forced to become self sufficient and problem solve for myself up until the point I reached crisis mode. After all, the goal of therapy is to not need therapy, and therapists who put themselves out there as available between sessions (when we're not in crisis) aren't necessarily fostering independence and self-sufficiency, rather dependence.

Interesting take on email communication with your therapist. I think it's the opposite for me. I struggled with trusting my therapist, so having a little extra contact through email has helped me say some harder truths and get some things out that I was too afraid to say in person. Over time he has backed off on replying to my email unless he feels like I am in a bad place. I think my therapist is a workaholic and I don't hold it against him if he doesn't reply.

 

[Pencil]

I didn't need help fostering independence, just the opposite.

Oh , this is another one I should have written!

 

[Leah123]

Well, I just spoke with her for an hour. Sigh, pricey, but... not without benefit! I saw how my initial message to her was unfocused as I'd just woken up from the dream, so I did not ask a clear enough question. For her part, she misinterpreted a key word and replied on auto-pilot with a reminder based on common issues with dreams instead of taking the time to ask what I wanted. So, I think we both took shortcuts. I was put off by her insistence that death always means the same thing in dreams... I'm a big believer in archetypes and collective unconscious and symbolism, but not that there is always one pat answer that fits every situation. A cigar is NOT always a cigar, but a cigar does not always represent a penis either! She conceded that no interpretation could be valid if it didn't resonate at all with the dreamer, and so I decided to trade some of the dream details to give her more context and we got to talking about my real fears and what a powerful, rare dream this was.

She tried to be understanding, so... we'll see if once all my emotional agitation wears off, if hopefully everything seems better. It's hard to get so angry and stressed. Even after it's talked out, takes a good while for the feelings to settle. Damn PTSD! ^^

P.S. As for my effort to not go overboard with her, well.... sigh, I did.... okay, not horrible, not perfect. She said she was not upset by what I said, and she felt my comments were fair and understandable, but she felt "snapped at" and was unsure she could say the right thing in reply, so... that was some of what we talked through.

I am SO tired.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I didn't mean independence in general, I meant independence from your therapist. Yes, there's a big difference as I'm not the dependent type at all. The idea is one of strict boundaries and actually I prefer it as lines don't get blurred. The therapist works with the client once a week and then it is the clients job to reflect and process in between sessions as well as prove that coping skills can be effectively used. It pushes more toward the idea of independence from therapy which is (should be) the ultimate goal.

If the therapist allows general contact in between sessions there is a risk of the client becoming too dependent on the therapist in that the client will refer to the therapist for smaller non-crisis matters which could be handled on their own. I think that with the goal of being therapy free one day, it is important for therapists to foster a sense of self-sufficiency in their clients.

 

[Leah123]

We have different goals and different chosen methods of achieving them. I don't believe in one-size-fits-all therapy or therapeutic relationships.