Sexual Assault He Is Going Out With Someone I Know.

[Deleted member 20280]

From what I understand, if you manage to make a statement, perhaps with the help of say a rape charity or survivor advocacy group, it will show up if he ever applies to work with vulnerable people, such as children, foster or adopt children etc. He'll never find out why - he'll just be turned down.

From my experience and work within the Police, this as I understand is exactly how the system now works. After the Huntley enquiry the old system of Criminal Records Bureau checks was scrapped and the new 'DBS - Disclosure and Barring Service' was introduced.

The problem with the old disclosure service is that is was limited in where that information was gathered from.

Huntley was able to perpetrate his final crime due to the fact that at the time certain information held was not 'disclose-able'

The new system is in fact able to disclose more about a person to safeguard vulnerable individual's from harm or attack by serial offenders who are known yet not listed in criminal records.

I hope this helps @NoWhereKnowWhere

Laurie

 

[Recovery4Me]

Why is it as a victim our duty to protect others when the system can't even protect us from itself. Maybe he shouldn't rape it's not my responsibility to stop him from anything. He shouldn't rape.

Then my dear, humbly why did you ask the following below?

Do I have a duty to tell her what he is

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Duty to TELL HER not duty to protect her or report what happened or be re-traumatised by the police "my dear". @Recovery4Me


I'm not going to the police.

I'll figure something else out.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Duty to TELL HER not duty to protect he

If your said duty is to tell her IS NOT to protect her...then where does the base line rest, please?

 

[bell]

About 20 years ago, I was attacked, yet not raped, by someone who I thought was a a friend. Afterwards, no one believed me because we had been fooling around beforehand and were seen together.

One of my friends ended up hooking up with him later and to this day refuses to believe that he was ever in the wrong. The only other person who knows the truth was the one who rescued me from him and pulled him off of me, a guy in our dorm that I had never talked to before nor spoke to afterwards.

If I was the one dating him now I would want to know. To be honest, I would probably do something like go to the public library and create a fake anonymous account and email the woman. That way, the account can never come back to you and you will know that you did your best to warn her.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I wish you well and glad you are here. I am offering thoughts, it is ultimately your decision of course. I have as we say in the south, "No dog in this hunt."

I am encouraging exploration of your true motives and logic behind your choice of action. It may provoke thought, however, solid thought is proactive and can avoid further pain down the road.:hug:

Leaving the thread: take care!:)

 

[digger]

The responsibility for this is not yours, no, but I know how these 'what ifs' feel like. It is a difficult place to be. Will she question do you think why you unfriended/blocked her?

friends we have in common

Are any of these people who you might feel comfortable expressing your concerns to that might indirectly pass the information on to her, or that might look out for her more as a consequence?. Even in a general way you could say you had heard things from someone else about him and would be/are concerned for her.

 

[RussH]

My only concern if you try to warn this other girl, he might come after you again.

 

[cherryblossom]

You are absolutely not responsible for his actions.

I think trying to warn her could put you in danger.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with the police. I can understand why that would put you off reporting. However I think you should consider all that has happened in recent years with the report of historical rapes that have been published in the media, and the convictions associated with that. Systems have changed, the police have changed, and there is every likelihood that if you reported him, you would be listened to, and treated with respect. However, reporting is a very personal choice, and yours alone to make.

But I go back to the point that trying to warn her, would likely put you in danger. And let's say in the best case scenario that she believes you, and dumps him and moves to the other side of the world to protect herself from him. What then? He moves on to someone else. He is still a danger to other women - that won't ever change unless the Police and the justice system stop him.

Now, I'm not saying you have to report him, in order to stop him. Because it's not your responsibility to stop him. However, you have to comfortable with your actions / decision for the rest of your life.