Boyfriend Crossed The Line

[Ape]

I've been seeing a guy for 3 years and he has never done anything like this before. I'm not sure how to confront him about it. I don't want to make it a big deal but don't want him to think it is OK either.

Today I told him I didn't want to have sex but he kept asking if he could "just put it in for a second". I said no because Im not on the pill and we didnt have any other form of contraception available at the time. He argued that it would be impossible to get pregnant in just a few seconds. I said no again and tried to push him away but he just did it anyway. He couldn't get in at first because I was so tense. He had to try a few times. I kept saying no no no and pushing him off. When he finally penetrated I froze. He kept going for a few seconds and then stopped. Afterwards he was just acting normal. He gave me a cuddle and asked if it felt good. I pretended everything was ok but to be honest I'm feeling really triggered by what happened.

 

[Waboga]

Non-consensual sex = rape. This isn't just a triggering event, this is trauma.

 

[Tewifol]

Your boyfriend is a rapist.

 

[Iwab]

I agree, if you said no no no he should have no way gone any further, and you can get pregnant in just a few seconds, that is such a crappy thing to say to you. And to ask when he had finished if it felt good, what a loser, ask him what do you think no no no means to you ?

 

[Tosas]

I'm so sorry this happened. It is a very big deal what he did. Others are right, what he did was rape. You are not alone in this. Even people who are married can be raped by their husbands. It doesn't matter why you said no, you can say no anytime you want, and he has no right to proceed. What he did was a criminal act against you.

This severe boundary violation (and criminal act) may affect your sense of safety with him - and that would be a normal response to being raped. How to confront him? That's really hard to say. If you simply told him, "hey, this was wrong, you raped me" - he could react with anger or he could react by apologizing - but don't take an apology as enough to continue on. Think through what you would need to feel ok with him again. Please also talk to a counselor or therapist about this as this could lead to long term worsening of PTSD symptoms. Early support after trauma is critical. If you don't have a therapist, and you are in the US, you can contact RAINN and find the rape crisis center in your area for options of free support through this.

 

[Ape]

OP here.
I have been raped before and what happened today did not feel like the same thing. Although by definition I know it is.

I am really scared I'll become pregnant. I don't know what would cause him to do this. He has started to change a lot lately.

 

[Uhuro]

I'm so sorry he did this. It was a violation and while it may not feel like 'full-on rape', rape=any penetration by any object, penis or otherwise. Get out please. Go to your doctor if you are concerned over pregnancy and they will be able to help you figure this out. Please try to find someone you trust to confide in about this. Like others have said, husbands can rape wives etc. There is no shame in seeking help and leaving him - it is not funny and he made light of it. This is psychologically and emotionally abusive also.

Please be careful around him and get help.

 

[Jafiged]

How has he started to change a lot?

 

[Isece]

I am really scared I'll become pregnant.

If you are in a country that lets you get the "morning after" pill over the counter, go and get it, as soon as possible. I'm in the US and we can get it here, but I don't know about other places. You can take it up to 72 hours after, but the sooner you take it, the better chance it will work.

 

[Esise]

you need to dump him as fast as you can. It is obvious that he only cares about himself and his needs and has no regard for you.
What he did was wrong, insensitive, and dehumanizing toward you.

He is not worthy of you, and you deserve so much better than him.

 

[Umij]

I hear you don't want to make a big deal about it but, reality check for a moment. It is a big deal. His violation of you is a big deal. You are worth being listened to. Do not discount what happened as 'not a big deal'. Not for one moment in what you said did I hear at any point that you said anything other than 'no'. He raped you. It is a big deal.

Please treat yourself like you matter. No-one has the right to violate bodies or trust in that way. Ever. It is a big deal.

 

[Cavuk]

Yeah that's rape :( You probably won't be pregnant if he didn't ejaculate (but obviously there still is a chance) and I agree that you should get the morning after pill. And I agree that you should dump his ass although I know us saying that is a lot harder than doing it yourself :(

I've gone through the same thing so PM if you wanna talk