Anybody Else Get Violent Urges When There's Certain Noises?

[Frogs88]

So, whenever there are certain noises I go into a complete rage. I either have to get out of the house to avoid the noise or I put in earplugs and as that doesn't usually block it I end up self harming because if I don't then I think I'd turn the aggression against the noise maker.

So sometimes these are rather obvious noises to do with trauma, sex noises, screaming, especially people screaming the word no (yes that is a regular occurrence with my neighbors). But I also want to stab my landlord when he starts singing or he's laughing, I really do hate him so much I could kill him when he starts singing, there is just something about it that drives me nuts and I can't block it out. I can't get away from it. I have been trying to move out of the house for months but I just can't so every night I have to put in the earplugs and try to distract myself or just give up and cut myself or punch the wall or pull at my hair and sob because I can;t get away from the noise.

 

[WillyKat]

Anger and rage is a pretty common symptom of PTSD. And what you're describing is that certain sounds / words trigger a flashback.

You don't mention in your post of you've been diagnosed w/ PTSD or are in treatment. Are you? If not, I'd strongly advise you to seek out a mental health professional that specializes in trauma.

I said "strongly advise" because when I read "I also want to stab my landlord" and "I do hate him so much I could kill him" I got concerned. I'd like to think those are just idle fantasies, but they sound like something a little more than that. I hope I'm wrong.

 

[Frogs88]

Yes, I have PTSD, I am having EMDR. My therapist says that they're nothing to worry about as she doubts I am the violent type. And it's true, I have never hurt anybody. For years I worked with vulnerable adults and then as a nanny so I tend to be pretty solid but this anger is new and it is shocking and frightening to me.

 

[Samantha_38]

I get triggered from sounds for sure. My triggers don't normally turn into rage but I know it's common. Mine typically turn into dissociation, quick images, and general flight or fight response (increased HR, breathing faster, and I can feel my extremities go numb from what I'm assuming is a reaction to the epinephrine flooding through me). Sometimes its just one thing, like just my heart rate jumps, and sometimes it a combo of a lot of them. It can be really hard with sudden sounds for me, since I don't know they're going to happen I'm having all of these things before I can even think to try to ground myself. Working on grounding techniques will probably help though.

I self harm too, less now than I ever used to, but I still do it. I hear a lot of people (including my last T) talking about putting ice on yourself. Directly on your skin, wherever you feel like doing it. The sensation of the ice is similar and can get the same mental response you want without actually being harmful. It doesn't work well for me, but thought I'd mention it in case you hadn't tried that before.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Totally. Put a bit of marmalade on toast and watch me turn red. Or pour some water down the drain so it makes that gurgling sound.
Some of the triggers make sense in general and some only make sense to me, but make me look completely insane in front of "normal" people.

There's triggers that are easy to understand and then those that have a more subtle undertone, for example I completely hate people who whistle because somehow they make me feel like they're trying to "get in my space". I would love to punch them for it, but I'm more social than that.

I wear earplugs pretty much 24/7 at home and sometimes when I'm outside and I don't have to talk to anybody. They always look at me weird when I go "uhh, sorry, just a sec.." and start pulling that earplug out of my head. But it's better this way than before, I also used to punch the wall out of frustration.

What works for me is also, if you have a phone, download an app with noises, like white noises and nature sounds. There's lots of them.
Then when earplugs fail, you can wear those earplugs + put headphones on your head and max the volume of some calming sound.

 

[Friday]

For sure.

Chucking... Thing is, I've had a lot of time to temper that. Lotta practice. Outwardly, I relax. Eyelids half hood, corners of my mouth turn up, I lean back in my chair. Might light a smoke or lock my fingers behind my head. I look very, very lazy.

The meme is: I may look calm, but I've already killed you in my head 3 times.

Some close friends and I joke about this habit, as it's not just mine, but a pretty common one in certain circles.
Other people : You're doing so well! ((Or... What's wrong with you??? Don't you care???))
In the know : Oh shit. Who's gonna die?

It's consciously disengaging from f*cked up shit, but still ready to act if need arises, or an excuse presents itself. Come to find, it also works fairly well in petty / meaningless circumstance where the rage still kicks in. Cool it, coil it, relax the surface, and don't give anything away. Cold/amused rage is more dangerous than hot rage, but a lot less volatile. It's got legs, though. Pretty important to go bleed it off elsewhere.

 

[Ronin]

^^ Pretty much the reason my reconnecting with certain friends that'd known me a few years back went to sh*t lately. Noises, voice range not handled, children sounding in mess they're not in, and I went chill.

 

[Frogs88]

Radise: Get in my space, that's exactly what the problem is. I want to be alone, I want space and there's these noisy bastards who keep breaking into it.Yes, i already wear the earplugs 24/7 good to know i'm not the only one. Starting to hurt my ears though and like I said, the noise of the landlord gets through them because he's just like that. Noisy.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe this is a little different, but I'll share.... There are three words that make me want to lash out, scream, and throw things. I have to remind myself that I love my phone and can't afford a new one quite often.

Do you have different kinds of ear "plugs"? I am flying next month on a 6 hour flight and I am taking in ear earplugs, over ear earmuffs....both to block out sound, and in ear earphones and over ear earphones......for music......so at any given time, I can use two of these and hopefully block out unwanted sounds I may encounter. At this point, my carryon bag is 100% "stuff to keep me calm".

 

[Neverthesame]

I had started writing a response here a few minutes ago. Then low and behold, a co-worker of mine came through my dock with a fork lift. Beeep beeeeep! Super obnoxious on the horn. Yup, I am angry now.

Out taking a break now. Ha. Thank goodness for anger management. I can't stand it when people do that. For me a horn or siren is an obvious trigger. For some reason I can't explain, kissy noises drive me nuts as well.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I don't get violent just from sounds, but there are certain things that bump up my stress levels a huge load... I don't react well to sound of people sniffing... Also people talking to me in a row, or at once, like, everyone holding one endless sentence.... There are other things, but I'm not sure, can't really list them right now... People calling my name stresses me, also crashing sounds... When I hear a baby crying for some reason I feel really guilty :cry: ...

On their own those mostly don't get me violent, but they rise my stress and it takes less for a breakdown.

I need to learn a bit of anger management techniques...

 

[joeylittle]

Yes, i already wear the earplugs 24/7 good to know i'm not the only one. Starting to hurt my ears though and like I said, the noise of the landlord gets through them because he's just like that. Noisy.

You maybe should invest in really good noise cancelling headphones, possibly with a wireless receiver so you can add neutral "white" sound. Earplugs, just the basic ones, will essentially muffle everything. But something meant to block sound frequencies will do a better job for you. It sounds like you are in a rough place in your therapy (but good job digging in), and it would make sense to support yourself with some better equipment.