My Marriage Is Ending

[Lady of Longbourn]

I've known for a month now he wants a divorce. He told me in a joint session with my therapist and then my therapist was left to clean up the mess. Instead of therapy, joint therapy or separating first he jumped to divorce.

I was angry, shocked and also helpless. I wasn't given a choice. He was "100% sure" that is what he wanted. And only in my diary or with a few people here did I say anything. All those emotions and loneliness for a month now.

I'm really very scared. And I'm free.

I realized that soon after. I'm free now. All those things I couldn't do before I could do them now. Those things he said were just "dreams" I could do now. I've already started living outside him and his rules.

I'm doing my best to find support where I can. I joined a divorce care group, trying to get myself back in AA and a support group for bipolar disorder. I'm trying my best to reach out in healthy ways. I'll still have my freak out moments, where I'm angry at the way it was handled and what a coward I think he is. Or when I'm really nervous about my own future. I'm just really nervous sometimes.

I'm trying to plan. Back in school. Self-care and plans, plans, plans. Instead of just worried thoughts in a terrible loop. My sleep is actually better right now so despite the worry of my future I must be doing something right with the planning.

The complaint for divorce was served to me already and we both have lawyers already. I need alimony after all this is over. My therapist helped me find one.

We still live together though in different bedrooms. We are good friends normally and I often worry about him (I'm trying not too). He is always focused on work and I think that's a reason for the divorce. If I'm gone he will have more time for work. But I'm not sure he knows what he started.

I'm already enjoying the new independence I found. Hard mix of feelings.

 

[Casey_03]

It sounds like you already have things under control, but I'm sorry to hear this. Just remember - you survived without him before, you can do it again.

 

[scout86]

Wow! That must have been quite a shock.

As I remember it, the ups and downs were very much a part of the divorce process. My situation was different, because I was the one who called it. (Not like THAT though!) We also lived together for awhile (because I was worried about leaving the livestock in his care until I could get my part relocated to someplace safe.) That was kind of hell on wheels. I hope your situation is easier!

Good luck with the journey! You sound like you're thinking well and yep, "Freedom" is a good thing! The whole rest of your life is ahead of you and you can handle it any way you want to. What I remember most is, until the paperwork was final, I have never in my life ranted to my friends about anything like I did then. I tried to spread it around. LOL :hug:

 

[Seasounds]

I send you my hugs :hug: of support.

Even if you don't want a divorce, although it may not feel good, you are making wise and amazing steps, for the current situation. For your benefit, let me elaborate:

• You are letting him have his decision.
• You are seeing that, once through this, you may have more of your dreams come true.
• You are reaching out and finding support.
• You are believing in yourself.
• You, implied, how threatened you've seen your husband, in attempts to ' work things through' in relationships, in therapy. Implied, is that he doesn't have the skills to 'work through' tough subjects. Implied, is that you realize that he may not be a great choice.

A suggestion, and you may see the 'tables turn', if and when you choose to sleep apart, and live apart. Sex, or availability to sex, can be a deal breaker or deal binder.

You are doing great, keep reaching out!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Ayesha I send my :hug:s for what they are worth. Having been callously dropped after a twenty year marriage I can totally sympathise hun.

Laurie

 

[darrenS]

Im so sorry to hear your going through this , im 12mths in on my seperation and yes its been tough. But like you have shown, its not the end of the world , in fact its the beginning of a new one , one in which you dont have to seek approval or consider anothers feelings, one in which you are free to do as you want. You seem to have a very good handle on things and a healthy outlook, thats the hardest part of the battle, well done , as much as it is painful and at times lonely , you do show the strength to forge ahead. I wish you the best in your new journey

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Tomorrow I have an interview for a volunteer job. It's at a park and will take me into the career path I want to go into, instead of the one my husband keeps pushing for.

All the sudden I'm much braver. I guess because I have to be.

 

[seedling]

It's easier to be brave in your own interest. Good luck on the interview.

You've done well at setting up support for yourself. Go easy on yourself in the rough times.:hug:

 

[reallydown]

Sorry to hear that Ayesha. :hug:

 

[still_i_rise]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this :(
Take care of yourself :hug:

 

[rainy_daze]

I joined a divorce care group, trying to get myself back in AA and a support group for bipolar disorder

It is great to see you focusing on yourself and seeking out support that you need for you.

I'll still have my freak out moments

I hope you are handling these moments Ayesha.

All the sudden I'm much braver

You have always came across as a bold and brave person, but it is nice that you are acknowledging just how much you are progressing, despite going through the divorce.

:hug:s.

 

[Anrish]

I also send you some supporting and encouraging hugs. :hug:

You will do a great job. And I wish you all the best for your volunteer work at the park. Just go your way and it will be fine.

I think you're handling it really professional. It's okay to freak out sometimes and be angry at him, at you, at the both of you...but you also look forward and that's an important and great step. Enjoy your new freedom. You're your own master or rather mistress. ;)