How Do I "let Go" & Stop Caring, Follow Orders?

[WorkingItOut]

I can't give you what you want.
So please tell me Soldiers what is it that we want?
"I don't feel anything, I feel like im taking advantage of your vulnerability"
I feel but I don't feel ?

With all the answers & of course we are so stupid I mean why should we hold on? Why should we keep in contact? Why care?

Because WE do have feelings! We may love you, care & miss you & see you hurt on the inside even if you can't feel it yourself!

Whether it's for better or worse, we already decided & took it on.

So how do we let go? You didn't cheat, you didn't show violence, you were honest & said how you were analyzing your feelings, you say feeling numb - that is a FEELING!

Getting aroused is an emotion & chemical reaction to being turned on, smiling, laughing all emotional reactions, just the absence of that deep stuff that says connection like an electrical power surge, sorry, all those years of teaching yourself to to compartmentalise those events the ones to do your job, guess what there is a side effect. You can re learn, how will you do that without support or does it make it harder constantly being around feelings?

What if letting her in & being honest & showing her respect that she is an intelligent woman she can make her own choices & accepting that she will struggle too because this stuff is hard, what if you gave that a better shot?

What if you decided the right thing is not letting her go & telling her?

What if you trust her to leave when it's too much? What if you let her decide & ask her when she wants to run because you hurt her feelings, does she really want to or is she just reacting?

What if you tried letting her love you & accepted she loves you with ptsd or numbing or both. Because she just does & so much she'd live a life without you or anyone else if it was what you wanted.

What if you do this together?

& if it's impossible tell me how to stop caring & let go :(

 

[looking for peace]

exactly....

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In case this gets moved....I am posting here as it stands now, in the sufferer forum.

I think your post screams that you are taking on PTSD as your own. That is, you're taking it all personally when its not. You don't understand the fundamental nature of this disorder. You're trying to apply "normie" rationalization to a disorder that can only be fully understood from the inside. I hate to say it, but what seems right and rational to us seems off the wall whacky to everyone else. So in a sense, yes, our thoughts are rational....to us....even if the rest of the world thinks we are wrong.

 

[Fickleme]

I think you did a great job of putting in to words how a lot of us supporters feel often times.

 

[joeylittle]

What if you tried letting her love you & accepted she loves you with PTSD or numbing or both. Because she just does & so much she'd live a life without you or anyone else if it was what you wanted.

I sometimes - often - want to say that sometimes, it's just not about PTSD. A big part of why I left my ex was to do with my depression, I am sure. And maybe the PTSD that was emerging. But really? I didn't want to be with him anymore. And he just could not let go. I had to totally cut off communication, because it wasn't good for me to try and take responsibility for his sadness, his longing, his insistence that we belonged together.

He said, a number of times - "you're just depressed, this is depression doing this". Well, yeah, I am a depressive - but I'm also here as me, not just as my disorder.

There are always questions about isolating - supporters wondering how long we isolate, is it normal, will 'their sufferer' come back...as if PTSD is 100% of the equation in any relationship involving PTSD. And maybe it is, sometimes. But I bet it's also not 100% of the issue, other times. What would happen if you assumed that PTSD was 50% of the reason for the absence, for the silence...what's the other 50%?

Keeping a candle burning in the window isn't always healthy. And it's not up to the absent person to tell you how to stop caring - you need to do that on your own.

 

[WorkingItOut]

In case this gets moved....I am posting here as it stands now, in the sufferer forum.

I think your p...

Actually I have PTSD & I can't numb as a single parent, I have children who demand cuddles & attention & my instinct to protect them is greater than all other instincts.
So I definitely do not normalize it & why is it so difficult to say I went in like this & came out like that, it happens everywhere & it sucks at times, yet we either work what's remaining or give up on ourselves & everyone around us.
If my friend had cancer & wanted to go somewhere hideaway & protect everyone else from the suffering I would love them still why should I stop because of ptsd? Do my kids love less?
Yes numbing is hard, yet as someone with also a behavioural background I gave a reasonable understanding of brain function. Particular chemicals are required to create emotion, oxytocin to get an erection & feed a baby etc, laughing ......
Those strong emotions have no need in the numbing process & the brain wired for particular reactions does its job & it shuts off & protects itself & so unconsciously that it feels normal because it's damn good training.
I analyse risk in a split second, always alert to danger & I taight myself to reframe & manage yet when my wall is down & I'm vulnerable & someone confronts me, my old instinct kicks in & I react instead of acting.

I don't take well to someone telling me how I should feel having been controlled by many persons & situations, my feelings are my own, so I have ptsd so what, it's just a different me.

 

[WorkingItOut]

T

I sometimes - often - want to say that sometimes, it's just not about PTSD. A big part of why I lef...

thank you & correct.

I've watched depressed people push others away so they can take their life or take others, it's hard to know & yes I respect someone's right to ask to be left alone, caring doesn't require possession.