Severe Panic/flashbacks After 3 Successful Days???

[MesaRock]

is this typical? i had anxiety preceding this weekend meeting my partner's mother during her weekend visit. turns out the weekend was wonderful, she was so loving and gentle and kind and actually healing. my first good experience with a loving family. i was acyually relaxed and happy and felt like true self - busy, went to museums, restaurants, etc with NO problems for first tim in months.

she left last night and told me she loved me and i immediately had flashbacks and panic to horrible childhood memories with my family and my mother and childhood neglect and now I'm feeling awful like huge back step. what happened? nightmares, dissociation, it's awful right now.

what happened?? so scared.

 

[The Albatross]

I expect it's all the thoughts and feelings you attach to "love". Roll up your sleeves and start working on that as it is a detriment to the life and relationship you want with her (and others eventually). What she said had bearing on the present experience... you rolled right back into your old/past thoughts/feelings/experiences.

Very glad you had a wonderful 3 days.

 

[MesaRock]

so if i rolled back, then it is a setback.

i feel so discouraged and scared.

 

[The Albatross]

No it's a thought/feeling cascade... all the stuff you attach to being told by someone (or perhaps in this case a mother) that they love you. You need to normalize the word.

Don't rob yourself of three good days gal. This was one thing during an entire visit. Keep it right sized.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Good to hear mesa that you had a wonderful time. Try focusing on the positive experience and don't worry so much about your flashbacks. Your past is in your past. You're putting your neglect on your partners mother.

 

[MesaRock]

what does normalizing the word mean?

Yes, I feel very proud of being able to manage her visit and truly connect with her. A month ago I probably would have been too deep in panic attacks around the prospect to actually see her, and instead I did a wonderfully calm interactions over three days. I am just discouraged by what feels like a setback. Confused and disoriented after yesterday. I feel like such a comprehensive failure - I have never been loved by a family in my whole life. I don't know what to do with these feelings. She bought me a winter coat, and said so many lovely things about me and how amazing I am, and I don't feel amazing at all. I don't feel worthy of the coat. I'm so sad.

I didn't even fully realize how horrid my childhood was until I started all this process and now I'm just repeatedly getting shocked by my reactions to healing, gentle, accepting love. I didn't realize the wounds were so big from the past. I didn't prepare myself to fall right into the pain - new memories came up that I didn't even know were there. I am struggling to ground myself again. I am strugglign to feel like I will adjust to this life where families are safe, soothing, nurturting, suppportive places to inhabit. I am terrified of families. This is completely different from anything I've ever known.

thanks everybody for the kind words. I'm just in the midst of a bad panic and I can't get myself turned around to face forward again. I'm literally feeling terror and i need it to stop.

 

[The Albatross]

http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/04/29/subliminal-trigger-of-emotions/2200.html

and...

http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/how-to-identify-emotional-triggers

 

[The Albatross]

Maybe assistive?
"Building upon an evolutionary model, Paul Gilbert proposed that human beings have a three part emotional regulation system. The model argues that people can be in states of 'threat' (focused on dangers), 'drive' (with a mindset attuned towards achievement or competition), or 'soothing' (which promotes safeness and feelings of interpersonal connectedness). Each of the states are associated with distinct feeling-states, motivations, purposes, and neurochemistry. A healthy response would be the adaptive use of all three of these systems in appropriate measures. Dysfunction comes about because of limited flexibility, or over-use of one system to the detriment of others. A less functional soothing system can be a product of fewer opportunities to learn soothing from important caregivers. Compassion Focused Therapy uses this model as a foundation and encourages the development of a compassionate mindeset. The Emotional Regulation Systems information sheet is a one-page outline of this model."

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Sweetheart!

Beautiful @The Albatross is right, please keep re-reading her words.
This is not a setback for you. This is more like your mind and body is starting the process of detoxing from the poison you took in from your childhood.

You've had the initial experience now of what having a healthy, loving Mom is like (life-saving, life-giving and bringing hope). It's a wonderful thing, and quite a huge contrast to your previous experience. You're walking into the light, and your eyes, heart and soul is a bit dazzled by the brilliance.

The idea is to allow yourself, your inner very wounded self from childhood, to be loved and return love, to be re-parented and experience all the healing and joy that comes as it happens.

Of course you're startled and anxious! That's normal. But, are you going to shrink back into the dark closet with all the pain; or are you going to be brave in spite of fear choosing to step out into the freedom of sunlight, and take the outstretched hands of love, warmth, caring, acceptance, healing, life? I know you have the courage, and you know you do, too:hug:

There is much more, but will close letting you know I'm keeping you in my heart, thoughts...
Sending you much love!!!:hug::hug::hug:
Deer

 

[City Slicker]

You're walking into the light, and your eyes, heart and soul is a bit dazzled by the brilliance.

That's beautifully written @deer_in_headlights