Help. Started Back At University, Symptoms Back, Thinking About Intercalating

[Laure]

Hi there.

I finished my 1st year of university this summer with a first and started back at uni this week for my 2nd year. However the problems I had last year at uni have not been solved and after a hellish day today I'm leaning towards taking the option of intercalating. To broaden the story a little...

Last year I coped with C-PTSD and depression by using alcohol as a numbing tool which allowed me to study instead of being plagued by flashbacks, intrusive memories and lows. Well - they still plagued me but I was that bit more oblivious thanks to the drink. I fully believe my drinking habits were the reason I managed to study the entire year. By exam season I was getting through 1l bottle vodka every 2 days just to get out of my flat and to labs/the library etc.

Over summer I received my 1st result from my exams (HOW?) and also spent over a month in a psychiatric hospital for help with my drinking problem and general mental health issues. I thought I was doing much better but having returned to uni this week i feel just as burnt out and stressed as i did at the end of last term.

I had a terrible time in lectures today with voices in my head (many, loud), extreme anxiety and hopelessness. I couldn't seem to distance myself from the abuse I suffered as a child.

(I'm 20 yrs old FYI).

After my lecture i ran to the university counsellor and she informed me of intercalation options. The idea would be I take a year out to help me sort my head out a little more, and hopefully find some work/relevant work experience, and then restart my 2nd year the NEXT academic year.

This option appeals to me hugely - i don't think i can cope with this next year at uni - but part of me feels pathetic and useless. I can't believe I'm still so affected by what happened to me. I feel very slow and small and helpless.



My question to you is do you think intercalating is a reasonable option given my current troubles (C-PTSD, depression etc. to summarise) ? Do you think I am weak or bad etc? I feel awful. But I know I can't cope. Especially not without the alcohol.

Help.

 

[Suzetig]

A year out sounds like it might give you time a and space to work on coping strategies and getting your health back on board - nothing weak or bad about it, it's important to give yourself what you need where you can.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Hi,

Fellow UK uni student here. I've just started my third year and I can really see your dilemma and wish to take a year out. Massive respect to you for getting a first! It's tough to manage without PTSD so kudos to you.

spent over a month in a psychiatric hospital for help with my drinking problem and general mental health issues. I thought I was doing much better but having returned to uni this week i feel just as burnt out and stressed as i did at the end of last term.

Okay so, my first though to this is whether a month was long enough to really sort out your problems and heal. Yes, it got you through the crisis period, but do you have any additional support? What's your uni counselling service like? If it's anything like mine it's basically useless and doesn't have the capacity to deal with PTSD (or any other serious mental health issue really). If that's the case, then can you explore other options locally? I don't know what type of abuse you suffered but if it was sexual then there are lots of rape crisis centres that offer free, or very cheap counselling to sexual abuse survivors. There's also the option of accessing help via Mind, often they have a waiting list though so not an immediate option. Still worth a look though as you never know.

The first few weeks back are, as you know, very hectic and it's very easy to get overwhelmed. However, if you're struggling now (and it's okay and valid to be, don't feel stupid for it because it's not) then, how will you cope with your midterms and then exams? This is what makes me think that maybe a year out isn't such a bad idea.

The other consideration is, what is you accommodation status at the moment? Private rentals are hard to get out of once the lease is signed so maybe there's a financial implication you need to consider also. I'm not at all saying "stay because you may as well if you're paying rent anyway" because your health comes first. I'm just wondering if it's viable to do that as you'll lose your student finance income for the rest of the year if you withdraw from studies.

but part of me feels pathetic and useless. I can't believe I'm still so affected by what happened to me. I feel very slow and small and helpless.

You are not pathetic, or useless. It takes time to recover and nobody can change the past so it won't go away by magic. It takes a lot of therapy and a lot of patience and learning to be kind to yourself. That is what us child abuse survivors don't seem to get, the fact that we are allowed to show ourselves compassion and care. In the end, nothing else matters above your health and well-being.

Not sure if this helps, but you're not alone in your situation, even if you feel it.

 

[Lucycat]

intercalating.

Thank you. I have just learned a new word ( Had to Google it!)