Retreating, Retreating, Retreating....

[Mark Gordon]

Currently feel like I am being taken advantage of, while my PTSD partner slowly gives up on daily chores, her own health, and what makes her happy.
I currently am becoming overwhelmed with trying to help, and trying to keep up with daily tasks we used to do together. She states doing dishes is to much, doing the laundry is to much, going to work and focusing on PTSD is to much. She does not keep in mind even the little things I enjoy, and dismisses me when I try to explain. I know she try's to, but gives up so quickly.
Just looking for some insight on what I am doing wrong. What I need to do so she is happy with herself again.

 

[Mark Gordon]

Yes my poor behavior of retreating, more than likely makes it worse. In my mind the words are not coming out correct. I do not want to make it worse so I just become a puppet, and just conform. I am inadvertently aiding to the retreat and that is why I am reaching out.

 

[scout86]

Just looking for some insight on what I am doing wrong

Ms Spock started a great thread here on "cognitive distortions", You might want to check that out. It sounds like you might be dealing with a few.

Sometimes it's easier to believe we are "doing something wrong" than it is to believe there's nothing much we can do. What are your reasons for thinking you're doing something wrong?

What I need to do so she is happy with herself again.

How she feels about herself is basically up to her. You can let her know how YOU feel about her and that may (or may not) make a difference.

Is she getting any professional help? Are you? This sort of thing can be very hard to work through without some outside perspective.

 

[Friday]

You're not doing anything wrong,.. Because you can't control her PTSD.

Just like a cancer patient isn't choosing to have a bad pain day and not get out of bed some days, but other days can rally and do almost everything despite the pain, and still other days be virtually pain free... People with PTSD aren't choosing to be less and less functional.

 

[Mark Gordon]

She is getting outside help, I am left spending my extra time trying to pick up the pieces and using a forum for the outside help.

 

[Mark Gordon]

You're not doing anything wrong,.. Because you can't control her PTSD.

Just like a cancer patient...

Just to make sure the understanding is correct, I am by no means trying to control the PTSD. I am trying to make sense of the reactions from the PTSD. I am trying to react differently to the PTSD, so I do not create triggers on top of triggers. Silence does not work, it only creates a new bubble of thoughts that seem to trigger more reactions in a different direction.

 

[Cavegirl]

I'm sure it's frustrating for you to have to take on all the chores. Of course you would be frustrated by that. It's not fair.

But as a sufferer, somedays I can barely get out of bed. I can barely get up the energy to walk to the bathroom. Things that aren't immediately necessary for my existence just can't be done. My hair doesn't get brushed, I don't shower. I don't change my clothes etc. Some bad days I don't even eat if my mom doesn't make me something and bring it to me.

It might even feel to you that not only is she not helping she isn't even appreciating all the extra work that you are doing. It's not that she notices what you are doing and is ungrateful because she thinks it's your job or anything like that. It literally could be she just doesn't have it in her to notice.

PTSD can be terrible. Thank you for being there and for her helping her. She really does need you. And when she's able to she'll be appreciative. All you can do is understand she is doing the best she can. Think of her as being sick from chemo, you wouldn't think she needed to do the dishes if she had cancer. PTSD is just as debilitating.

Hang in there. There are some great people in the supporters section for you to vent to that are going through the same thing. It's nice to not feel alone.