Pearlycozplay
New Here
I felt like I should share this story for those who want another perspective from someone who was a victim of a possessive gaslighter and abuser in the past. As someone like that, I was triggered by this new interaction because this woman reminded me of my past abuser. Here is a hint of typical gaslighters to recognize:
Today, I caught my new almost-gf being active on HER (a dating app). I noticed she had written that she’s looking for something casual and not really a forever. She was clearly active, as it says in the status lol.
When I told her we are incompatible and I am no longer interested in meeting up with her or contacting her due to her needs not aligning with mine, she first said she didn’t know all that text was written on her profile (when she was active all this time sigh…) and here comes the funny part.
Then she kept texting and finally made up a BS excuse on voice message that she “had this profile way long before we met,” and threw her friends under the bus, claiming that they were sleeping around with people while they were travelling together and that she found out that she was no longer interested in casual, and that her photos were clearly older, etc. I thought you didn’t know that was on your profile, but whatever
Then she proceeded to tell me “oh if you still have time to call or visit, you can still do so” as if nothing serious happened in our interaction… like what haha
She is telling me she wants to maintain this relationship since this profile is “very old” and that she has changed, but girl. Why were you active all this time?? I don’t understand how you want to get to know someone genuinely, but sleep with other people on the side. I don’t understand the mentality of people like this and they are clearly lying.
Please don’t fall for this BS…they just lie and lie to keep you as if nothing happened.
Some red flags I saw earlier from her (note that they may be written in present tense, since I wrote these earlier on my thought journal way earlier on), so that they can help you see some potential hints:
1.) She speaks well about her best friends, but ill about mine. She keeps trying to change how I feel about my friends to get me to think they are bad people which I find is toxic. I’ve never questioned her friends once. She’s recently been showing weird signs, like talking badly about all her exes and telling me very private things about them, like drug addictions and only negative aspects of their characters. She doesn’t say one good thing about her past relationships.
2.)Instead of having my character in mind and heart, she wrote everything down in a planner to make sure to keep track of what I like and dislike so she can check whenever she forgets. She keeps making sure I don’t “hate her” and keeps asking me if I need more affection, or if I’m ok with days of non interaction sometimes, or need constant reminders of affection. She treats this relationship like a job interview or a duty sometimes and it feel a bit too structured if this makes sense.
3.) She’s also told me she has no preferences in a partner and just “likes someone with layers.” I’m confused though because all humans have layers and I thought it’s weird she always keeps tabs on a notebook. I also find it strange that she has no preferences in a person. It sounds like desperation and a need to find someone to date so I’m creeped out a little.
4.) She is still meeting up with her ex because they share an animal. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave her pet with a sitter instead of constantly visiting her ex. That’s actually the reason why she is sometimes gone for a few days. And yea, she also talks badly about this ex and called her a slob who just “sits around the house all day.”
5.) One day she told me she is a people pleaser, but now claims that she is someone authentic. This is one example of how she lies about her likes and dislikes. This is dangerous trait right?
6.) She told me the French are ugly and that she was glad to not have inherited their traits. This really put me off a lot because I have already told her I don’t like badmouthing people, and this showed that she was contradictory in her own statement about not judging dates by their appearance.
Today, I caught my new almost-gf being active on HER (a dating app). I noticed she had written that she’s looking for something casual and not really a forever. She was clearly active, as it says in the status lol.
When I told her we are incompatible and I am no longer interested in meeting up with her or contacting her due to her needs not aligning with mine, she first said she didn’t know all that text was written on her profile (when she was active all this time sigh…) and here comes the funny part.
Then she kept texting and finally made up a BS excuse on voice message that she “had this profile way long before we met,” and threw her friends under the bus, claiming that they were sleeping around with people while they were travelling together and that she found out that she was no longer interested in casual, and that her photos were clearly older, etc. I thought you didn’t know that was on your profile, but whatever
Then she proceeded to tell me “oh if you still have time to call or visit, you can still do so” as if nothing serious happened in our interaction… like what hahaShe is telling me she wants to maintain this relationship since this profile is “very old” and that she has changed, but girl. Why were you active all this time?? I don’t understand how you want to get to know someone genuinely, but sleep with other people on the side. I don’t understand the mentality of people like this and they are clearly lying.
Please don’t fall for this BS…they just lie and lie to keep you as if nothing happened.
Some red flags I saw earlier from her (note that they may be written in present tense, since I wrote these earlier on my thought journal way earlier on), so that they can help you see some potential hints:
1.) She speaks well about her best friends, but ill about mine. She keeps trying to change how I feel about my friends to get me to think they are bad people which I find is toxic. I’ve never questioned her friends once. She’s recently been showing weird signs, like talking badly about all her exes and telling me very private things about them, like drug addictions and only negative aspects of their characters. She doesn’t say one good thing about her past relationships.
2.)Instead of having my character in mind and heart, she wrote everything down in a planner to make sure to keep track of what I like and dislike so she can check whenever she forgets. She keeps making sure I don’t “hate her” and keeps asking me if I need more affection, or if I’m ok with days of non interaction sometimes, or need constant reminders of affection. She treats this relationship like a job interview or a duty sometimes and it feel a bit too structured if this makes sense.
3.) She’s also told me she has no preferences in a partner and just “likes someone with layers.” I’m confused though because all humans have layers and I thought it’s weird she always keeps tabs on a notebook. I also find it strange that she has no preferences in a person. It sounds like desperation and a need to find someone to date so I’m creeped out a little.
4.) She is still meeting up with her ex because they share an animal. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave her pet with a sitter instead of constantly visiting her ex. That’s actually the reason why she is sometimes gone for a few days. And yea, she also talks badly about this ex and called her a slob who just “sits around the house all day.”
5.) One day she told me she is a people pleaser, but now claims that she is someone authentic. This is one example of how she lies about her likes and dislikes. This is dangerous trait right?
6.) She told me the French are ugly and that she was glad to not have inherited their traits. This really put me off a lot because I have already told her I don’t like badmouthing people, and this showed that she was contradictory in her own statement about not judging dates by their appearance.
