Theasylumsystem
Silver Member
I feel so empty. I feel so directionless. I feel like I'm one step away from eviction. I have a plan if I do get evicted, but it's not an easy one. I try to do things to make myself feel better but it feels like nothing is helping. The first thing I do when I wake up is think about suicide. My plans for it change all the time. My bio family has been shoved in my face over and over again lately. I can't get a job in my town because I require my service dog to come with me, and they don't consider it a reasonable accommodation. I want to get on disability but it feels like that's impossible too. My best friend says I should just be homeless in their town and i'll get into a program that way. I just sell all my stuff and start over. I just really don't want to be homeless again. and my service dog is 9 years old now. I don't want to make him work any longer than he has to but I have to have another large dog and I know that the housing I live in will not allow it. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. It feels like nothing matters and I should just give up. I'm tired of feeling this way. My therapist tells me that I'm just stuck in the past and I won't let it go. It feels like she doesn't understand me and I've been seeing her for years now. Everyone just expects me to just get over it but how can I? I know it happened a decade ago but I don't know how to stop the feelings and just let go of it. I've written so many suicide notes lately. I don't know what to do anymore.
