A Question of Accountability

[Ann Onimous]

After distancing myself from my recent ex (diagnosed with PTSD two weeks after our relationship ended, which would be about a month ago) I've noticed that he always had a huge problem with consequences and accountability.

It seemed that he never held himself accountable for his actions and everything was someone else's fault.

He seems to have no regret or remorse for the things he does to people... either that or he just refuses to deal with it at all.

Since I don't suffer from PTSD, I'm not sure if this lack of realization or recognition of consequences is a symptom... or is he just not a nice person despite his disorder?

 

[Deleted member 541]

In my case before I was diagnosed, I wasn't a very nice person either. Out of control is probably an understatement. I too blamed others and made excuses for my behavior. When I finally got a diagnosis, I was determined to get better. I had to start taking responsibility for my behavior and stop blaming others.

This might be his situation also. Hopefully now with a diagnosis he can finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out his past behavior and stat working on improving it.

 

[becvan]

This question is entirely too subjective to be able to even begin to answer.

There are MANY people walking around without PTSD that are not accountable or responsible in any way.

There are MANY people walking around with PTSD that are not accountable or responsible in any way.

There are MANY people walking around without PTSD that ARE responsible and accountable.

There are MANY people walking around with PTSD that ARE responsible and accountable.

There are also degrees of what is responsible and what is accountable. Each person has their own idea of what that is, society has a general idea of what that is.

It's quite easy for someone on the outside looking in to say "oh, they are not being responsible." and vice versa.

Trying to figure out whether or not someone we have never met, don't know from a whole in the ground is responsible and accountable due to their PTSD or not is never going to happen. Heck we can't even make that call for each other on here!

There are many many factors that tie into that. Morals, ethics, childhood rearing, family values, personal values etc.

I'm sorry but this is trying to look for the needle in the haystack. You are just going to have to decide what you think is the reason for it. Sorry.

bec

 

[Ann Onimous]

Thanks to the both of you! I see where you're both coming from.

I keep reading up on PTSD (maybe for answers as to why our relationship fell apart) but as far as accountability and blame, I see no answers and it's rarely listed (especially on general information web sites) as a symptom.

I've read a lot that PTSD is not an excuse, but I do understand that it alters someone's thinking and actions. I feel like I'm being just like him and seeking to blame his actions on an extrinsic source (in this case, PTSD).

Maybe, in my heart of hearts, I hope that his treatment progresses and he sees that, yes, he had a great girl in his life, and yes, he did stupid stuff to throw her away, and no, it's not all her fault.

 

[Ann Onimous]

Oh, and my apologies for the exclamation point in the thread title.

 

[midi]

Maybe, in my heart of hearts, I hope that his treatment progresses and he sees that, yes, he had a great girl in his life, and yes, he did stupid stuff to throw her away, and no, it's not all her fault.

Not to sound like an Ozzy ballad, but you can't change the world, you can only change yourself. You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink. He will see what he chooses, not what you want. It sucks, it hurts, it disappoints, but we really can't control others or their perceptions. Yes, our hearts have desires--all we can do is acknowledge them and be open to whatever will be.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Midi,

While I do agree what you said, in that we can only change ourselves and no one else. We can't change the world ect ect.....

Without hope there is nothing left......I think she only said that she hoped for him to see that he had a great girl in his life...That he did stupid things and threw her away, and it wasn't all her fault....

I think that most of us here have probably hoped for many things, possibly knowing that it may never happen, but hope gets us through the rough times....

 

[midi]

Yeah, I agree. I think I came across as too harsh there.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Midi,

No I don't think that you were too harsh, you have your opinion and I was just just voicing mine on your post. No problem...

 

[midi]

Ok, cool. I do see how we need hope. I hoped for over 3 years that my ex would see that he was even a tiny bit responsible for our situation, but he never did. In responding to the post in the first place, I learned something. I thought I had been stupid to hope he thought a certain way, but I see now that I needed to think that way.

 

[cocacolocao]

I am a PTSD sufferer-
I accept that I am injured-I accept that my injury has symptoms.
Some of those symptoms are unforgiveable.
I try my best to be truthful-seeking the truth has allowed me to see the way in which I am responsible in some ways for part of my condition- I accept that I have a condition.
A hell of a lot of people out there do not look inwards at all, only some of them are diagnosed sufferers of PTSD- Even more of them are undiagnosed self-aggrandising SAINTS, who will not accept any responsibility-P-U-N-T-O.
Suffering PTSD and realising that there are aspects outside of what were once under control is difficult enough. Having people put themsleves on a self defined pedestal and claim to have no responsibility for relationship failures says more about them than it does about the people struggling with a psychic injury they have difficulty understanding.
Relationships are minefields, even without one party being a victim of something they are struggling to come to terms with.
Carers and friends, loved-ones and partners tire easily of something that we as 24/7 victims (not by choice) have no choice but to endure. Some of our behaviours are irredeemable, many are not. Essentially no-one has the answers- certainly not all of them. Like anything there is a level of compromise. As sufferers we learn to compromise- we also learn that noone sticks around. Friends get sick of it! Lovers get scared by it. Family get ashamed of it. But let's face it, compassion isn't like psychology 101, you can drop it next semester. Compassion is a way of life. It is its own form of generalised reciprocity- but for the grace of God, go I.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you.
:rolleyes: