A Question of Accountability

[Ann Onimous]

Thanks for the great posts. I appreciate the brutal honesty that I am not getting anywhere but here.

Honestly, I jump between misery and anger regarding his decision to abruptly end our three-year relationship and move out of the house we moved into together over two years ago.

I hate that I cry everyday, but what hurts more is that I'll bet he's living his life with no understanding or even concern about how horribly upset I am. As a PTSD sufferer (combat-related), I guess the numbness he probably feels is a coping mechanism, but as a non-PTSD sufferer, I feel so much pain.

What hurts more than anything is that his decision to leave was not his fault but mine -- I was boring him, I wasn't a challenge to him anymore, I was trapping him. I never did any such thing. I made him laugh every day, I worked 70 hours a week and was exhausted whenever I was home so I certainly wasn't clinging to him, and I only asked for 1 day a week where we could spend time for just the two of us. The only one I can agree with was the idea that I'm not a challenge anymore -- but should I have to be a challenging girlfriend after 3 years?

I know time heals all wounds, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, blah blah blah cliche cliche cliche... but that doesn't take away the pain I feel so deeply (and he doesn't seem to feel at all).

 

[midi]

It hurts, but we can't force others to acknowledge or understand how we feel unless they come to it on their own. We have to take care of ourselves first. It's hard, but if you take it one day at a time, it will get better.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Ann,

I am a sufferer, but I too have been on the end of the relationship where you are left wondering and hurting. I think that we all probably have had similar feelings being in a failed relationship. It isn't easy, and it hurts.

You are probably right when you said..... "but that doesn't take away the pain I feel so deeply (and he doesn't seem to feel at all)." As hard as it may be for you to hear this....He probably doesn't, BUT NOT for the reasons that you are thinking.

When we get over whelmed with things, we tend to pull away, shut people out, or shut down.

I know that you worked a lot of hours and only asked for 1 day a week. Well let me tell you..... I live alone, I work to support myself, and I can not even give myself a day to do things for me or for fun. I NEVER know how I will feel, what mood I will be in, if I can tolerate doing anything, or if the stress will be to much. I understand your need for that 1 day a week, but for a PTSD sufferer, it may not be possible to give you that day, when you needed it.

I do understand your hurt and your pain, but I also know the hurt and pain that us sufferers go through too. It isn't easy!

I wish you well.

 

[cragger65]

This has been an interesting thread to read, thanks Ann for posing the question. I too have to work on my accountability factor.