It's so hard to know where to start.
I have been on the forum for a while now. I am a mother of 3 beautiful kids. I have been with my husband for 26 years. We have been married for 19 years. We were the couple, very body want to be. Best friends,supported each other,always made each other laugh,played jokes ,went for walks, throw you into snow banks, you get the picture.
Don't get me wrong we had hard times to, but always came out stronger. We both come from a childhood of an alcoholic father. We both had verbal and emotional abuse growing up,I had some physical.
A year ago it all changed. My husband is a firefighter for 17 years. I am a stay at home mom. My husband was diagnosed with PSTD and depression. When he first started therapy. He seemed to be doing fine. We had abit of a different view on a friendship he had with someone from work,who was female. Which put some stress on us.
Anyway he started going to therapy and seemed to be doing great. I was supporting him and would listen when he wanted to talk. He started EMDR and after his first session shared somethings with me. But as he got into the therapy I became his Enemy. It was like over night, he no longer trusted me, he would only look at me in anger. I started going to Counseling to try and fix things. But that only made things worse.
He had a heart attack and then completely withdraw from me and kids. Working all the time. Only coming home 1-2 nights a week, said it was because of me. He wanted a separation,said he hasn't been happy for years. He was being verbally and emotional abusive to me. If he was home. He was on his phone or in garage. It was months of hell. But it also stirred up my stuff. Which I am getting help for myself.
He said he was moving out in January. I asked him one last time to please go to marriage counseling with me. I told him he was making a big decision for us and our kids out of anger. He said he would go to marriage counseling with me. We started in the beginning of December. Things have changed, we are pretty much just living on our friendship and it is so hard. I miss the affection so much and I don't know how to get it back. I don't know if he still loves me. I've said I love you and he replly you too. But I'm not sure if it was meant.
He was an affectionate mean he would hug and kiss me every day and tell me you love me. And I feel so confused because he no longer does that but he's still here so is that a sign. I have seen changes, and maybe little ones but they are in a good way. I have some tests I'm waiting for on my own health and my father isn't doing well. I trying to fight my own depression and shit.
I could use alittle affection or I need it but I scared to ask. If I ask for a hug or kiss he will give it to me. But they are quick .ect. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts anyone. Please I would love to hear anyone's point of view. I know our relationship was good before this.
I have been on the forum for a while now. I am a mother of 3 beautiful kids. I have been with my husband for 26 years. We have been married for 19 years. We were the couple, very body want to be. Best friends,supported each other,always made each other laugh,played jokes ,went for walks, throw you into snow banks, you get the picture.
Don't get me wrong we had hard times to, but always came out stronger. We both come from a childhood of an alcoholic father. We both had verbal and emotional abuse growing up,I had some physical.
A year ago it all changed. My husband is a firefighter for 17 years. I am a stay at home mom. My husband was diagnosed with PSTD and depression. When he first started therapy. He seemed to be doing fine. We had abit of a different view on a friendship he had with someone from work,who was female. Which put some stress on us.
Anyway he started going to therapy and seemed to be doing great. I was supporting him and would listen when he wanted to talk. He started EMDR and after his first session shared somethings with me. But as he got into the therapy I became his Enemy. It was like over night, he no longer trusted me, he would only look at me in anger. I started going to Counseling to try and fix things. But that only made things worse.
He had a heart attack and then completely withdraw from me and kids. Working all the time. Only coming home 1-2 nights a week, said it was because of me. He wanted a separation,said he hasn't been happy for years. He was being verbally and emotional abusive to me. If he was home. He was on his phone or in garage. It was months of hell. But it also stirred up my stuff. Which I am getting help for myself.
He said he was moving out in January. I asked him one last time to please go to marriage counseling with me. I told him he was making a big decision for us and our kids out of anger. He said he would go to marriage counseling with me. We started in the beginning of December. Things have changed, we are pretty much just living on our friendship and it is so hard. I miss the affection so much and I don't know how to get it back. I don't know if he still loves me. I've said I love you and he replly you too. But I'm not sure if it was meant.
He was an affectionate mean he would hug and kiss me every day and tell me you love me. And I feel so confused because he no longer does that but he's still here so is that a sign. I have seen changes, and maybe little ones but they are in a good way. I have some tests I'm waiting for on my own health and my father isn't doing well. I trying to fight my own depression and shit.
I could use alittle affection or I need it but I scared to ask. If I ask for a hug or kiss he will give it to me. But they are quick .ect. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts anyone. Please I would love to hear anyone's point of view. I know our relationship was good before this.
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