Recent content by BrownLea12

I haven’t been actively posting here for a while, but have been lurking. Trying to keep plugging away. I decided to ask about obsessing over relationships. Lately I feel like I am constantly fixated on response or lack of response from people. I am so sensitive it all right now. It consumes my...

Learning right now: welcome small blessings. ELTSDI

Until the first week of March. My lifeline is leaving. I do have a new patient appointment with one the following week, but it’s so hard to lose that rapport and start over.

Often I go sit at a park and journal. Or go home and nap. It can be hard to take care of yourself afterwards because it is so exhausting. I do also have a dear friend/mentor whom I call after especially hard sessions if I need to talk more.

Have you ever felt something so much in the depths of your being, but you just can’t reflect it on the outside? I am pretty sure that if I actually could surface those feelings from the depths, people in my life wouldn’t know what to do with me. I may not even get put of bed for a week. Is this...

@hithere So true it feels like a death. I keep telling myself this is not a big deal, I shouldn’t let it affect me so much. But it is and it does. And it’s so hard for people “in real life” to get it. @whiteraven My first therapist with whom I really connected was an almost 8 year relationship...

That restlessness. It’s something I understand often. I have a wonderful spouse, beautiful children, and I feel so guilty when I want to do just this- run. Change where I am, who I am, find something that HAS to be better than where I am right now. The problem is, we take that sh!t that hurts...

Me too. I wasn’t sure about her style and philosophy at first, but she has grown on me. Yes, it’s so hard when it’s so permanent. They know so much of you and one day you have your last session and that’s it. End of the road. I think that’s what will be the hardest for me. I’m like Paul...

She just told me today she is leaving the practice in about six weeks. Noooooooo!!! I know she won’t leave me to just figure it out, but D@M* it!!!!! She has been my lifeline this past year. Ugh. Heart broken. And she isn’t sure she is going to even stay in practice elsewhere, as she is getting...

So true. It’s been a real eye opener. I think as survivors of trauma we can get this complex that we should be all knowing- we should have seen the danger, screamed, told somebody, fought back, etc. and it would’ve been different. All the ways I know I try to (falsely) control everything. Just a...

Friday the hospital roll sheet arrived on my desk. One of my patients was highlighted with a self inflicted gun shot wound to the left upper abdomen. A family member was in another room when the gun went off. My patient is still clinging to life in an ICU. I took it so hard. Immediately bearing...

@Sideways You make such great points- sometimes it is the just showing up part that is the most important. That is how you learn what does and doesn’t work for you. Awesome perspective, and I thank you for sharing.

Is there someone that you trust who could go along with you? Maybe that would be helpful? Frankly any healthcare provider should stop any time you tell them to, otherwise it can be considered assault. You should certainly be able to talk with your next gyn while still fully clothed and ask how...

That numb thing is hard. I’ve been struggling with it as well. It’s hard to not put yourself mentally or physically in harm’s way when all you want is to feel something. And it’s so hard when you’ve felt alive before, even if only a short while. When you go back to numb, you just want to get out...

Wow. @Justmehere That is so true. And @Mee , the layers. Always the peeling back of the layers! Lol That’s one of those things that if one more person mentions the d@ng layers!! I’m hopeful as the layers are removed, the core of self worth is found. Such a difficult concept, that seems like it...