Self-sabotage

[Justmehere]

I think this tendency for me has to do with struggling to tolerate the distress that the trauma wasn't deserved. It's like I reinforce the message of the past that I'm worthless and should be harmed to try to gain a sense of control or something. When I treat myself and my life well, I'm sort of sending myself the message that the abusers were wrong.

 

[Mee]

I think this tendency for me has to do with struggling to tolerate the distress that the trauma wasn't deserved. It's like I reinforce the message of the past that I'm worthless and should be harmed to try to gain a sense of control or something. When I treat myself and my life well, I'm sort of sending myself the message that the abusers were wrong.

This, very much this . And in this for many of us there are layers of tackling core belief about self worth and the layers cognitive dissonance that causes confusion from messages from home ( whether or not that was satisfactory) society, culture, goddamn advertising..... this is what we are also internalising; self sabotage isn’t a simple thing.

Not self sabotaging, taking that mind set we are of worth, can go against such barriers of programming that it is almost a betrayal of what we think of as self ( core belief ) to value ‘self’ so its the battle between the ‘shoulds ’ ( care for self / make effort /) and ‘shouldn’ts ( be prideful, vain, selfish, think highly of self , spend time on self).

 

[BrownLea12]

Wow. @Justmehere That is so true. And @Mee , the layers. Always the peeling back of the layers! Lol That’s one of those things that if one more person mentions the d@ng layers!! I’m hopeful as the layers are removed, the core of self worth is found. Such a difficult concept, that seems like it shouldn’t be difficult.