Fear of Happiness: Breaking Patterns of Self-Sabotage

[FFnerd]

This is something I've always battled with - and it always makes me so irate with myself when I'm back in this headspace. So I thought I'd share and see if anyone else has felt the same and has any good coping/distraction strategies.

What I mean is, the more good that happens in my life, especially if its in a short period of time, the more I become emotionally unstable. As in - I feel the need to self-sabotage, retreat from friends, let an opportunity slip, or overall just f-k something up to even out the balance.

I know a good portion of this comes from, me just not being used to constant good, stability, and healthy relationships - so it's scary to let myself get used to it. Also it comes from my parents narrative that anyone who seems to like me, just hasn't met the 'real me' and that I'm just tricking them into liking me because I'm 'selfish'. Unsurprisingly, because of my childhood home life, I also just find a bit of comfort in high-stress, chaos and instability - so these moments of calm and good (which I want) end up stressing me out the most.

This is topic is also on my mind because I've had a lot of nice things and updates happen this past week in my life - and I've been fighting for my life just to enjoy the moment.

 

[arfie]

gentle empathy, ffnerd. this is one of my more stubborn symptoms. i don't **like** the abject isolation, but it is familiar and quasi-predictable. in the twisted hallways of my broken brain, happiness is always short-lived and painful to lose. if i wait for nature to run her course, the fall will be unexpected and far less painful if i jump off my pedestal of happiness rather than waiting for that pedestal to collapse.

the therapy tool i am currently using to remedy this symptom is admitting that i can't predict the future. when i can find the serenity to let life run its own course, a good outcome is as likely as a bad outcome. more often, life is a mixed bag, with some good, some bad and most between the extremes.

 

[FFnerd]

gentle empathy, ffnerd. this is one of my more stubborn symptoms. i don't **like** the abject isolation, but it is familiar and quasi-predictable. in the twisted hallways of my broken brain, happiness is always short-lived and painful to lose. if i wait for nature to run her course, the fall will be unexpected and far less painful if i jump off my pedestal of happiness rather than waiting for that pedestal to collapse.

the therapy tool i am currently using to remedy this symptom is admitting that i can't predict the future. when i can find the serenity to let life run its own course, a good outcome is as likely as a bad outcome. more often, life is a mixed bag, with some good, some bad and most between the extremes.

I think you just made me realize this is another reason why I like to "expect the worst, so I can be pleasantly surprised" - because yeah, its almost like gaining some control over my reaction to an unexpected outcome.
It's good to know its not just me who struggles with this one, that's a good tool as well - I'll add it to my kit.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I was about to make a post about this when it popped up in the similar threads. I’m so glad because I’m dealing with exactly this. I know the exact moments I decided that I wouldn’t be happy anymore and trying to turn it around has been hard. It’s particularly stubborn.

@FFnerd Thank you for posting something so relatable!

@arfie Thank you for posting great advice as always!

 

[Freddyt]

Write down the things you want to change in your thinking - say, "I am not selfish", "The more people get to know the real me the more they like me" and I enjoy and can relax when things are calm and quiet". Put them up where you will see them half a dozen times a day. Read them out loud every time you see them.

The hardest person in our life to convince is - ourselves, because usually we go back and reinforce the negative things when things go wrong rather than saying - it wasn't me it was them - because "The more people get to know the real me the more they like me".......

 

[Friday]

What I mean is, the more good that happens in my life, especially if its in a short period of time, the more I become emotionally unstable. As in - I feel the need to self-sabotage, retreat from friends, let an opportunity slip, or overall just f-k something up to even out the balance

So why do you feel this is under deregulation instead of cognitive distortions & core beliefs?

Not a mod Q, but why do you feel it’s dysreg?