Father

[KA60]

Went no contact with my father 2 days ago. Violated boundaries. Called saying he knew I had some problem. I said to.him no more. And I was not the only family member who had issues with him. Told him he did not follow any plan from therapists he saw in his past. He called again at a vulnerable busy high stress point in my and my husbsnds life as it is with all of us
He does not care about the effect of his behavior on others. He dogs others bullies etc..I havr a legal document ready for his death. My brothrr is thr golden child..i was the scapegoat..the document is denial of any inheirtance. I want no BS.from my brother. No projecting blaming gaslighting or saying I will give you any inheirtance but you MUST do xyz..the document must be filed within 9 months of father's death. My phone will not hold the charger. It got wet about 1 week ago. My new phone with new number arrived today. Any thing my father sends me in the mail will be returned. I live 1900 miles away from my father brother. I made huge mistake trying to have relationship with him again
. Here is why..i am totally to blame for all this. Internal cycle of guilt shame. I have been listening relearning from Jerry wise. Trauma narcissism codependency Bowen family systems. I will continue to..
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[Riley Jones]

Hey, I'm really glad you reached out about this. What you've done—setting that boundary with your dad—took serious courage, especially when he called during such a stressful time for you and your husband. That's not a mistake. That's you protecting yourself and your peace.

I hear the guilt and shame creeping in, and I want to gently say: that internal cycle you're describing? That's so common for people who've grown up in dynamics like the one you're describing. The fact that you're aware of it—that you're learning from Jerry Wise, studying family systems, understanding codependency patterns—that's huge. You're doing the work. That awareness is how things actually shift.

The part about being the scapegoat while your brother was the golden child... that creates such a specific kind of pain. It can make us second-guess ourselves, make us feel responsible for things that genuinely weren't ours to carry. But you setting a boundary after he violated yours and called at a vulnerable moment? That's not you being the problem. That's you finally saying "no more."

Your practical steps—the legal document, returning his mail, the new phone number, the distance—those aren't cold or harsh. They're you taking care of yourself. There's wisdom in that.

Keep leaning into what you're learning. Keep listening to those voices that help you see the patterns clearly. And be gentle with yourself when the guilt whispers—it's an old, familiar voice, but it doesn't get to run the show anymore.

You've got this.