Recent content by esz

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    I just need someone to care.

    I started a diary @Changing4Best and @Invisible Fire . Thank you for the encouragement.
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    I just need someone to care.

    Reading through it now. Great resource, thank you. I have a lot of work to do for school so I actually don't have too much free time. But these are great ideas of ways to fill the lows with more "grounded" experience than just staring into space. A lot of it is just learning to be comfortable...
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    Cant use the word "abuse"

    It's been months since I posted this, but I still struggle with these thoughts every day. I'm owning the word abuse much more now, but I have so much self doubt and self hatred about these memories. Constantly running through my head: What if things didnt happen the way I remember them? What if...
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    I just need someone to care.

    Thank you for sharing. I am working on being kinder to myself because I struggle with a lot of self hatred and self deprecation. I know those thoughts are just what was fed to me as a kid but it's hard to break those patterns. Unfortunately due to COVID I am spending every day by myself at home...
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    I just need someone to care.

    Better than yesterday. I was pretty deep into a flashback for most of the day. Hopeful I can get some work done today and hold it together until my Therapy apt tonight. Thank you. I have little bits and pieces before. If I get the energy and courage I'll post some stories that have been coming...
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    I just need someone to care.

    No one can just sit with me in these feelings except my therapist. I already see her twice a week but I feel so alone in between. Even my partner just gets really overwhelmed hearing about my abuse. My life, my memories, they make people uncomfortable. I just want someone who listens without...
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    Need support, maybe starting meds

    Hey, just wanted to follow up and say thank you for your thoughts. I started Lamictal, its going okay so far although I'm not done titrating yet. Feeling comfortable with my decision and hopeful. ❤
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    Need support, maybe starting meds

    So I've been battling depression for a long time, but I've never taken any meds. Im been in trauma therapy, and its helping, but I'm still really struggling. My primary doctor was concerned about my depression scores and had me see a Psychiatrist. I've always been really, really skeptical about...
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    I just need a mom.

    Honestly I think a lot of the reason this is hurting so bad is because I'm home alone all day every day since my husband is essential but I have to work from home. I dont have anyone in town that I can spend time with. So it's been a really really lonely and depressing few months. There is no...
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    I just need a mom.

    I have in the past. Maybe I should try to send her a message saying so. She hasn't replied to me so far when I asked if she would be willing to talk, and it's been a few weeks.
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    I just need a mom.

    I agree, being shut it has definitely made the depression worse and I've been trying to make myself a schedule to stay active - yoga, hiking when I can, work, cleaning, drawing, listening to a lot of my favorite music, movies, daily bubble baths. Staying in contact with friends as much as...
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    I just need a mom.

    @TruthSeeker I do have a T. She is great. It helps. But she doesnt love me back. She cant, I understand that. Also, I do have other friends that I dont talk about this stuff to. I know they care about me and everything. I agree, it is nice to talk to them sometimes without worrying about all...
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    I just need a mom.

    It's an actual person. My bio mom was abusive, still in contact with her but it is with very firm boundaries for my emotional safety. My adoptive mom was supportive and loving and I was so close and bonded to her. But her husband (adoptive dad) sexually assaulted me and I finally called him out...
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    I just need a mom.

    I have some. All are peers, not older than me. Feeling down on myself for always relying on the same 2 people for everything- friendship, advice, parental love, romantic love, etc. I dont want to overwhelm them. But I dont know anyone who can fill the other holes in me.
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    I just need a mom.

    I hate myself so much and I just want to call my adoptive mom. I want her to hold me and tell me it is going to be okay. But I cant. I just wish someone loved me when I needed it.
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