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I just need a mom.

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My solution to that inner child or needy love seeking part, being adopted myself, was to parent the child part of me that was longing for the love which I was deprived of. I kinda showered that part with kindness, fun things, and self-love that my mother should have given that part of me.... eventually kind of replaced what I didn't have with self-parental love. I also lost my daughter when I walked away from the dysfunctional family, of which she was a part, and there is a hole in my heart for her as a mother. Know that your mother yearns for what she lost. Now, my daughter .is climbing out of that rabbit hole which is never easy. It is hard to lose someone you love, but attending to the part that is yearning for love can be a great comfort to oneself.....art, popcorn and a fun-even childish movie (I like Disney), marshmallows, dancing in your living room.....can all help to fight the depression.....I found fun is the key to self-love, but for a while at first, I had to ask myself....what would be fun and try a lot of different things. You deserve to be happy, and deserve to give yourself fun and distracting things even amidst this seclusion. I am on a quest.......right now for making the perfect pizza crust and pizza sauce that I can make and freeze and reheat; I also am making and freezing healthy meatloaf with lots of purreed vegetables..... Cooking is messy....but a part of me enjoys the mess making part (not particularly the cleaning up part). Maybe you can create your own quest for learning something fun and new that would help as a diversion and engage that part which is missing motherly attention and love. You can provide it to that part of yourself....to help it heal.

I'm realizing that being shut in.....I'm feeling more depressed. I'm retired with a pt online hack-at-it business that's not getting tended to....and I really could care less. I, too, have been dwelling on the loss of my daughter more, since covid struck, and need to change that so it's not a focus. I'm going to try something different....setting up "things to do" in my house to get me away from the bedroom-my comfort zone-which is where I've been doing everything....or more like nothing along with a schedule that includes taking care of me things, fun things, exercise related thing, getting outdoors, eating regular healthy meals (eating has gone to pot), doing something with the business, house-keeping, learning new things (art, music, mental upkeep), communication with others, and gardening, and keeping up with time better. My brain feels like mush. That's my new plan to fight the depression, rather than to eat.....and I have to admit....the more depressed I get, the less I want to communicate with friends and yes, I feel the same....I'm sure my friends are more depressed too....I don't want to bring them down with my own issues. So, consider finding a way to fight the depression....be good to yourself....maybe create a purpose while you are at home, and get creative about it. My solution has come down to creating a to do schedule to get me up an moving, increasing endorphins,....and while one part says what for? I don't need a schedule....the depressed part will improve if I'm back on one and able to look at the day as having been more productive. Good luck with that depression....let me know how it's going....

I agree, being shut it has definitely made the depression worse and I've been trying to make myself a schedule to stay active - yoga, hiking when I can, work, cleaning, drawing, listening to a lot of my favorite music, movies, daily bubble baths. Staying in contact with friends as much as possible. It helps. I understand I can give myself everything a mom would *practically*, but what i really need is emotional comfort, support, kindness, understanding, love. I need someone to listen and love me and say "I'm so sorry sweet girl" or "I'm really proud of you" or "hope you have a wonderful time!" I know I can give myself positive self talk, but it's not the same thing as actual human connection and love. I'm 25f, married. I'm not ready yet, but I do want to have kids one day, and i wish i had a mother figure to be there with me, show me what to do, you know? I know a lot of people dont have that. I just thought that I would, and now that relationship is gone.
 
Esz, I;m so very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I am sending you a big hug and my prayers. Remember you are a one of a kind creation and important. Can you write your adoptive mom a letter and let her know how much you love her and need her?
 
Can you meet the needs you miss with her, yourself / in different ways?

I get it doesn't help with mourning the loss of relationship... but it might help you find a way to cope and heal with that loss.
 
Can you meet the needs you miss with her, yourself / in different ways?

I get it doesn't help with mourning the loss of relationship... but it might help you find a way to cope and heal with that loss.


Honestly I think a lot of the reason this is hurting so bad is because I'm home alone all day every day since my husband is essential but I have to work from home. I dont have anyone in town that I can spend time with. So it's been a really really lonely and depressing few months. There is no where to go, no one to call since most normal people are back at their day jobs. I cant even go outside because it is dangerously hot where I live. (110+ every day, lows at night are 90 ish). So I have literally no companionship. I've been trying to get a pet but I haven't had any luck so far.

I can try to be my own friend but after months spent alone even normal, mentally healthy people get depressed. Theres not much I can do about it but try to survive and not totally ruin my career.
 
I agree, being shut it has definitely made the depression worse and I've been trying to make myself a schedule to stay active - yoga, hiking when I can, work, cleaning, drawing, listening to a lot of my favorite music, movies, daily bubble baths. Staying in contact with friends as much as possible. It helps. I understand I can give myself everything a mom would *practically*, but what i really need is emotional comfort, support, kindness, understanding, love. I need someone to listen and love me and say "I'm so sorry sweet girl" or "I'm really proud of you" or "hope you have a wonderful time!" I know I can give myself positive self talk, but it's not the same thing as actual human connection and love. I'm 25f, married. I'm not ready yet, but I do want to have kids one day, and i wish i had a mother figure to be there with me, show me what to do, you know? I know a lot of people dont have that. I just thought that I would, and now that relationship is gone.

I'm so sorry, and I totally get it. Nothing relpaces a real f2f positive relationship. You have the positive memories of a loving supportive mother....you have the groundwork within, and know the importance of love to be able to model it and enjoy it when you have kids. So many people here aren't so fortunate....as to have had a loving mother. For relationships that were meaningful to me, I grieve the loss usually pretty hard.......and in remembering, I try to overlook the imperfections, and remember the good feelings......like when my mother and I would play canasta with me...one of the few things we did together...I think of her in those positive moments....and it's still today, even though she's gone, an emotional connection and quite strong when I'm playing canasta....?.
 
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