Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

So glad you talked to psych about it and have a plan, glad you were heard.

Can't afford my bills this month. Sigh. Will probably lose Internet coverage so don't mind the long absence

i am still doing great

Went on a date with a guy. Vibe was off, that's fine and normal. Just I apparently was more hopeful that something would work out than I thought. And coming home to a house that just will not feel like home.


Hopefully just need sleep. Feeling lonely though.

Still doing well overall. Best friend started trying to pressure me to go back on antidepressants the second I had a psychiatrist side effect after having to take steroids for allergies. Didn't feel like explaining it to him though, it's his journey, not mine

I saved a stray kitten only for the shelter to tell me they will probably just re-release also. Found that genuinely devastating, probably what's got my mood fried besides being extremely tired. Agreed to the date pretty last minute, because he seemed like a great guy. And he was, he just..... Something's off. Maybe a good friend tho, but not thinking romantic even down the road. Just didn't click, is all. And talked a little too much about having attachment troubles and wanting to be a cop (thought the military would be a good route to becoming one, whoops). And not missing his mom because of attachment issues. Nothing evil or anything, will be amazing for the right person because I'm clearly not right for him, either

Just the hope of something new was interesting to have though. Dude is better off financially than I am (most Americans/United States people are) (I still make more than most people on Earth tho :/) and it made me hopeful on things. Sounds a little silly now

Loved all the animals around tho

Really proud of you for going on a date - even if it didn't work out like you had hoped it's still a huge thing!

Scared. Hoping things work out. Scared

I'm glad you came back

Can you talk about what is scaring you?

That my grandfather will sell this house. It's been so hard to live here but it's what I have.

He might have to sell to live in a nursing home.

I have tried to live elsewhere multiple times now and can't do it without losing all my animals. I'm hoping he'll just transfer ownership to me. But he's not talked to me about it in over a week. So I don't know what's going on and I kind of don't want to know because it's probably not good.

Best friend's dad said he'd buy if needed, but I'm not sure how realistic that is. Still, trying to hope.

Just, if I have to leave this house, it's already taken 20+ years to clean out 2+ tons of trash. There's no way to get it empty for a sell if it comes to that.

Trying to just stay in the here and now, but deeply scared I will lose all my animals and everything I live for.

Scared also because disability income isn't enough. I am going to have to come off of disability if I want to survive. Student loans never got forgiven and one defaulted so worried that will also somehow cost me the house.

Overwhelmed and scared and worthless and I keep feeling jealous of people who got murdered because they deserved to live and I don't. Posted a lot of panicked posts on Facebook about it because I had a mental breakdown, didn't go to the hospital because too scared id lose my animals, also hospital clearly isn't working for me anymore.

Going to try working though. Scared but hoping the income means I'll be able to pay for the house. Section 8 fell through and this was the exact reason I was trying to have it. My therapist at the time took over 3 months to write a letter and it cost me everything.

Overwhelmed and scared

Not like medicare pays for anything I need anymore with Trump in charge

Just trying to stay hopeful that something works out

wow that's a lot. I'm so sorry it's been such a mess