Avoiding therapy because I feel 'succesful'

I feel conflicted between a feeling, on the one hand, and a reality on the other.

• Thought that feels like a reality: "I don't need therapy because I am huge success in my life. Look at my house, it is all tidied up, looking great, I am an accomplished person who tries to run a business. If I go to therapy, it will take away from my autonomy".
  
  
• Reality: house does look very good, but my business is not operating because I keep having traumatic episodes, my neighbours are very angry, I often self-harm and I am in danger of being evicted. I don't feel like my life is in shambles, but...

Not sure what to do. My thought that I am somehow incredibly successful is pretty strong, and I like it (sure beats feeling like I am nothing). But it is also keeping me from seeing a therapist because I feel that then I would be "less successful" despite scenario B: Reality.

Can anyone help? What would you do?

Thank you!

urm, not really the same but I have my own battles with therapy and autonomy. work in progress for me but might be useful?

can you look in and try and find out what you feel losing autonomy would mean here? or where that feeling comes from? what specifically are you scared of happening?

I get the feeling in therapy that my therapist has control over me, and if she knows certain things, will take my autonomy away, either through actually sexually abusing me, or somehow putting/convincing me into a position where someone can hurt me (like by convincing me of ideas that leave me vulnerable to someone exploiting me). Im basically scared of her manipulating me, and me not being able to defend myself/my ideas.
because as a therapist she is in a position of power over me, but that doesn't mean she is going to use it against me.

believing that isn't really easy because of where that belief comes from, but I am slowly building it up. and part of that is looking at where my feelings come from, and the reality Im living now. collecting my examples that contradict my belief. and it occasionally being a conversation with T (even if its just expressing that I dont trust her) also helps. gives opportunities for the belief to be proven wrong.

like a more complex version of "why do I care?". can make things a lot clearer. same with me being preoccupied with never being wrong or not knowing something. why do I care? why do I think people will hate me if I do something subpar? goes back to something more substantial than, "because it feels bad/makes me angry", in the end.

Upside Down Eagle said:

I feel that then I would be "less successful"

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I know this is not necessarily something that will resolve itself with pure reason, but admitting you need help and actually trying to get it, despite it not being your fault, is an extremely successful thing to do.


seems like these ideas are very black and white. can you try and make room for some nuance? it is very good that your place is clean and tidy. and also you are suffering. those can be true at the same time and not take away from eachother. all or nothing thinking keeps us stuck because everything feels like a sellout, or a failiure, or.. or...
I found it weird at first but my T got me practicing "and" statements, instead of "but", for some things. so theyre not cancelling eachother out. you can have success and help at the same time. they can even be the same thing.

Upside Down Eagle said:

Can anyone help? What would you do?

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Try the AI therapy in Dr Catalyst: https://www.myptsd.com/forums/dr-catalyst-members-ai.372/

You just might be surprised that you can do all things, without doing much at all, yet the end result of the benefit is easily available. Maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn't, maybe it leads you into a therapist office for face to face, maybe you find a tool that helps you 24/7, maybe it doesn't work and you haven't lost anything from where you started.

Don't judge, just try.

Thoughts that are false and are keeping you from taking corrective action seems serious to me. Can you check out dialectical behavior therapy? Cognitive behavior therapy?

Exploring your belief that "successful" people aren't in therapy might help.
And exploring what does "success" mean to you?
I've held down a job, that I consider "success" whilst being in therapy. Own my own home etc. Hasn't changed my "success", other than improved it over time.

But what is success? It sounds quite task driven and external validations, rather than inner emotional peace. It makes me wonder what type of upbringing you had and if your worth was seen more in material things instead of you as the human you are?

Loosing autonomy. I felt that if I started therapy everything would come crashing down, that all my trauma would be exposed to everyone, and the lie of me that I had built up would be exposed in a humiliated way to everyone. But that was fear talking. Whilst therapy does expose things, and things do get rough before they get better, it isn't true that everything comes crumbling down and you loose everything.

Maybe it's not an 'all or nothing' thing. Maybe decide what type of therapist you would want. Reach out. And see how you feel. No obligation to take it further. Just exploration.

Well I can understand your hesitation, I used to feel that way myself. I have succeeded at a lot in my life, that doesn’t take away from the fact that I have spent a lot of time in therapy. The therapy and therapist have a lot to do with how I feel about it. I have been using the AI therapy Dr Catalyst here on the forum. It has helped me a lot, because it asks the right questions and provides support and insight. I would give it a try as Anthony mentioned.

hmmmmm. . . this post has given me a rattling set of flashbacks to the turn of the 90's when i had a snowballing number of clients, 2 beautiful sons and stress enough to rattle the cages of my child prostitution foundation fast and furious. at the turn of the 90's, ptsd was not yet an established psych dx, so we didn't even have a respectable name for ^it^. many of the clients who disappeared in the resulting breakdown were calling me, "JPC." just plain crazy.

life is always a mixed bag, mi amigo. it is entirely possible to have beautiful abs and a failing heart.

I guess not many people think this but I don't believe attending therapy will leave a dent in your overall success because it's like when you're sick, you go to the doctors and get treated and a medical certificate?

~ It's clear we don't function to the best of our abilities when we're mentally and/or physically unwell (for those who haven't given up or died). ~

Clear as day!

Personally I would never go cause I'm not looking for treatment of any kind and I don't plan to give up a few of my harmful coping mechanisms as they're mostly only hurting me. Other people are fine if they don't try to control and/or change me. I can't stand it and it's what therapy consists of but I can't argue it's not a staple in recovery which I'm assuming you seek (I'm not). And since you seek change although it may not show up immediately, once you reach out you're half way there. I mainly isolate and the loneliness is literally killing me quicker.
And due to my behaviours, it's obvious people around aren't happy too so you aren't the only one haha.

Hope this helps you see how messed up the mind can get and I think you deserve to heal. You have my permission to.
(No one told me I deserve anything so one more reason I ain't putting in any effort)

Definitely sounds like you want therapy but part of you is seeking external validation, well I can assure you that you won't be any less successful in any area if you choose to heal, in fact it's the opposite and with the way life is going, anything could tip it over the edge and will all be gone in a split second.

Life is precious and there aren't all that many chances!

Thank you so much all :)

I guess I should have mentioned, my long history of therapies, therapists. I've been in and out, before.
Never considered it a problem, had a good therapist, too. And some atrociously bad ones.

Dark.Green.Feathers said:

why do I think people will hate me if I do something subpar?

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This hits home for me. Thank you.

anthony said:

You just might be surprised that you can do all things, without doing much at all,

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That sounds wonderfully Zen (ever read the Tao of Pooh?). I never considered that I might be able to get things done without engaging in a tremendous fight. And I will consider the AI, although I am on some level highly suspicious of that tech.

Movingforward10 said:

And exploring what does "success" mean to you?

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Interesting question. Kind of underlines how I very easily get angry with people who think I lacked ambition my whole life, which is (in their mind) why I am "not accomplished" (in their mind). Sort of highlights how this whole theme of "meaning something" has predominated the last ten years, and yet I never stopped to consider what you are asking now.

I generally loathe societal definitions of success as "college, job, money, then house, car, marriage, kids and retirement" (absolutely not judging people who have done anything in that order, btw). Your comment does bring up some confusion I appear to be carrying around the whole definition.

Movingforward10 said:

It makes me wonder what type of upbringing you had and if your worth was seen more in material things instead of you as the human you are?

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Quite the opposite. My parents were what your traditional, stereotype conservative might have termed "dirty hippies". They taught me to attach very little importance to both myself AND material belongings, very much treating me as a piece of trash. I can see your train of thought.

arfie said:

life is always a mixed bag, mi amigo. it is entirely possible to have beautiful abs and a failing heart.

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That makes sense. Gracias, amigo.

parrotthepolly said:

I can't stand it and it's what therapy consists of but I can't argue it's not a staple in recovery which I'm assuming you seek (I'm not).

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Good question. Am I seeking help, or am I just hoping that I will be the one to step up for myself. After all those years I've done, I feel like I have a black belt at self-analysis. This forum still helps though. So maybe I'm actually in the same boat as you.

nope, never read the tao of pooh. but it sure generates some top shelf quotes. “When you know and respect your Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don't belong.”

Upside Down Eagle said:

I never considered that I might be able to get things done without engaging in a tremendous fight.

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i am a warrior by nature. my recovery wasn't able to progress until i gave up the fight. i was the only one getting black eyes when i was fighting my inner turmoil.

Upside Down Eagle said:

I will consider the AI, although I am on some level highly suspicious of that tech.

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i am a grizzled old tech warhorse. my first tech job was 1973. i am not any more suspicious of the "AI" tech than i was of my first RAM. it be the marketing/public opinion i am suspicious of. in the absence of the real thing, they coined the term, "artificial intelligence." it helps them sleep better at night? whatever. trust artificial intelligence to handle my psychotherapy? right after i let my laptop choose my next best friend.