Integration

Post.

I've asked for this an another integration thread to be re-opened for replies, because I think I'm going through it atm.
It's so weird. And unexpected.
But it feels good - it feels like this is what it's supposed to be like.
I don't even know what's made it happen or why now.
It feels like everything that was previously fragmented is now "me".
When I experience emotions, I don't try to contain them or repress them or regulate them or judge them. I just have them and it feels okay.
For example: if previously, I'd feel tired, there would immediately be a layer of judgement: Feeling tired means I'm lazy, because I didn't do very much today, so why should I feel tired, so I should suppress the feeling of tiredness and just keep going, etc. etc.
Unsurprisingly, that approach would always lead to a pretty big mess of feeling judged, shamed, frustrated, annoyed, cranky, etc.
Now, if I feel tired, I think yeah, it is what it is, either I feel tired from having done a lot, or I feel tired for some other reason, whatever, being tired means it's a sign to wind down and get some rest.
Simple.
It's so weird...

Thanks for sharing @Ecdysis . So integration sounds like acceptance without judgement?

That makes sense.
Losing the negative internal dialogue.

i walked away from my child sex trafficking experience with "trauma induced amnesia." that was early to mid 70's. i googled the term to see if the term has translated to the 21st century psychobabble. the google ai told me the name has been changed to, "dissociative amnesia." i didn't bother with the rest of the translation to current terminology. i'm confused enough already, thank you kindly.

I.F. it be the same phenom, my integration is an ongoing process. current events have a way of mixing unpredictably and i need to reintegrate on a fairly routine basis. i fit it in with my daily maintenance. at present, the trump bashing is mixing with the nixon bashing and? ? ? kaplowie! ! ! is it 1972 or 2026? the trump nixon conglomerate is downright scary.

just breathe. . .

This thread is making me think that what you are talking about @Ecdysis is like the integration necessary for healing from trauma. I’m still stuck with there not being an ultimate final integration but there is smaller recovery-based integration where things become smoother.

I think for me there is integration at points and then something triggers parts. The 'un-integrated state' can be for a few moments/hours. Or several weeks/months. The longer parts are activated the harder it is. Draining. Exhausting..

And then it quietens down again. Whether that is integration or just less presence of parts, idk.

I'm now of the view full permanent integration is not a thing.