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Feeling guilty for being physically sick.

A lead blanket that is slowly smothering me with its oppressive and dominating weight.

I feel like I'm dying. I know it's anxiety, etc., but it feels absolutely wretched.

So, it's not just me? I swear, sometimes I think I'm preparing for war.

In a nutshell- feeling like :poop:. More specifically, I feel trapped. I feel hunted, chased and powerless.

I am thankful for everyone here (I just wish we met under different circumstances). I am thankful for having a loving, HEALTHY partner in my life. I am thankful for the peace I find occasionally.

You know you have PTSD when you're constantly looking for the 'boogieman'- everywhere.

Bankhead: Welcome. You will find many nonjudgmental people here and some who can relate to your experience (I can somewhat).

Oh there is so much good stuff in this thread (insight- good insight). I can't comment on all of it because I need to go bake something and give my bf a HUG! :D Gotta' remind myself of the positives or the negatives will eat me for lunch. Lizio- please, PLEASE take care of yourself. I grew up...

So, then he is aware that his actions are inappropriate? I agree. Call the cops if you are afraid. You come first- not him.

Now that I think about it- it's a sort of emotional slavery, except at the time most of us didn't recognize it.

I so identify with this statement.

A little calm. Sedate. Sad about the past, but moving towards accepting it a little more. Packing it up and putting it away.

This is my father too. Dangerous at home, but so, so kind to patients. He wasn't constantly violent- seemed to have 'mood swings.' I don't know if he's a sociopath or just NPD. Either way- the effects were damaging.

This sounds like my father (though he did have a great number of people admire him as well- go figure). He was always having people who 'didn't understand his genius.' Oh boy. Yes, those words were used by both of my parents. Apparently, the professional world was jealous of his talent and...

Well, I think: 1. We're used to it. Somehow they convince us that they are justified in blaming us for their abusive behavior. Were we conditioned? 2. Awareness is the key. Being aware of what has happened to us and what is healthy for us can lead to a better life.

Not sure. Tired. A little paranoid. There's the threat of my mother visiting, so I think I'm on guard. Sad. Lonely.

Lizio: I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

Lizio: He sounds like a narcissist and probably something else. To reiterate a few people: Nobody deserves to be beaten- physically or emotionally. Period. My ex did try to choke me one time and he blamed me for it. He said he'd never do it again and I don't remember him doing it, but the...

This sounds like my ex husband, except throw in the 'you're not doing enough' statements among other things.

I'm grateful that I have a bf who doesn't treat me like shit. How refreshing!

No, but I have a baseball bat and a dagger near me.

Everything.

James: I hear what you are saying and I can empathize with you. I know what it's like to be in the presence of someone who is most likely mentally ill and very, very destructive. We had problems at the dinner table too. My heart goes out to you.

Sending you comforting, peaceful thoughts James.