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That's it exactly!!!! I am both compelled and find it about impossible. I've attempted to stop this is more ways than I can count all my life. And yet I'm traumatized and revolted all at once. I have too many symptoms of sexual anise. I just can't accept it. Because I have no memories. Only...

Thanks both of you. I'm not really sure. I'm not sure what to say, do, or think. I just know sometimes it happens after my mind gives me a "flash"

*DD = daydreaming *MDD = maladaptive daydreaming Please someone respond. I need some input. Okay, so I am going to post this. Very nervous... I haven't ever admitted this to anyone really to speak of. But I spend a LOT of time MDD. I've done this for a long time. Not sure when it started. In...

That sounds really difficult. I have some injuries from my abuse as a child too. And sometimes when they flare up it causes me to have a lot of emotional and somatic flashbacks. Sending you well wishes and support as you get through these next few days. Hope your exploratory surgery goes well...

Hello and welcome it is my wish that you will find this place safe and supportive. I can relate to what you write most of my flashbacks are you there somatic or affective as well.

Thanks you guys. In some ways I had it worse. I guess it doesn't really matter who had it worse. Idk. Yes she has no say over her life. She isn't her own gaurdian, she has no say. Someone else calls all the shots. She lives in a home with other people. They (parents) never taught us how to do...

Thanks both of you. Yes we talked. Been too exhausted to post about it. Anyway it went well but I think I freaked her out and now she is scared of my dad but I told her she need not worry. He is only interested in me like that (an emotionally incestuous and very inappropriate way, possibly...

Thanks for the support.

Wow I can relate to this a lot. I was also abused get a psychopath. I would say it's dissociation of some sort with transference. I have this issue as well. Sitting with you and offering support.

Hello. You are brave for sharing. That sounds like a scary experience. You are not alone. You're strong for reaching out. Some therapists do sliding scale services.

Sounds difficult. Can relate a lot. Sitting with you. Offering a listening ear.

Kind of nervous. Talked to my sister a bit about my past (childhood/adolescence) on the phone. Wanted to ask her questions about my early childhood and her childhood. She is 12 years older than me and lived at home until I was like 7 maybe? But I can't be sure because it's all really fuzzy...

Well what I meant is in having these sensations and they feel like I'm being hurt down there. But what I mean is I have no actual knowledge of being abused sexually via penetration as a child. I'm not sure what it means. I'm honestly confused. I'm not saying I wasn't abused like that. I am not...

You're not alone. Sitting with you. Can relate in many ways.

Sorry, let me clarify. I have no memories of sexual abuses other than those I mentioned. I had a lot of issues as a child and it makes sense that I was (given my history, behaviors I have had since I was a small child, fears, etc.) Also, I edited that. I didn't mean "cubed". Feel free to read...

I do not have a T. I have no memories of rape or molestation. My first sexual assault that I know of was at 17 and I was touched inappropriately at age 11 or 12 albeit not on my genitals by an older boy (18 maybe). But I keep getting more and more sensations of different types down there and...

Hmm. Sounds like you're doing a really good job. I journal a lot. Art is good too. I don't deal with flashbacks very well. Support to you. Sorry not more help.

@ssw Sorry you're feeling that way. It's not your fault. I can relate so much. Feel free to PM me if you want to. You're brave for sharing.

I agree with above post. I admit, I lash out often. But at the end of the day it is my choice how I react. I don't have to be a bitch to other people just because I'm triggered. For example last night I screamed at my boyfriend. I was kind of mean to him because he triggered me. But still I...

Well, it could be regression too. Dissociation is on a spectrum anyway. When this happens are you aware of it? Does it seem to happen without your control? When you stare off what else happens? I have dissociative issues and can relate.

You're not alone. I can relate. It really is difficult to get a grasp sometimes. All I can say is try and take it slow and be gentle on yourself. This is tough stuff. Sitting with you.

Earlier today I had the sensation of something coming out of me down there. It was sudden and it surprised me. I felt it so intensely that I really thought there was something down there, so I put my hand down there to feel what was sliding out of me. But I was equally shocked to find that there...

Hello and welcome! This place is a great place to receive and give support. You are not alone. You're brave for reaching out.

I think it would be good to clarify with him what he did mean rather than assuming you think you know what he meant. I'm just learning to do this and it is really proving to prevent a lot of arguments and a lot of negative feelings. I agree with you 100% though. That's how it is for me too...

I never thought I lost time but do apparently - as shown by evidence of things I've said to other people or things they've said to me that I have absolutely no memory of. But the dissociation I'm referring to right now is that I'm just so disconnected from everything. I don't connect my...