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Tell me if I'm totally off on this, @ruborcoraxxx and @enough. It seems to me that your observations come from a male perspective. I think men inhabit a world that is more aggressive than women do, where bullying is more common and you have to learn to handle yourself. I did have to deal with...

I thought that was a really great post @ruborcoraxxx. I particularly liked these two quotes: In a way, exerting agency (maybe real power?) is a very different animal from coercion which comes from a place of weakness. Nelson Mandela said something like, 'there is nothing great about...

I think in the past I could be described as someone who had "trouble with authority figures." I was never belligerent, but was ambivalent about anyone who had power over me. This thread reminded me of Laurence Heller's Healing From Developmental Trauma. He talks about how those whose trauma...

I think this is very tricky. I am the black sheep and have two siblings who are the golden child and the baby, respectively. I grew up getting singled out for abuse by my parents, and things were made worse as I got older by my siblings adopting the attitude of "she's the bad/crazy one" from the...

I think that your amount of libido is perfectly normal and healthy. I think that no amount of discussion will make the mismatch between yours and his any less frustrating as hard as you try. I think other factors played a role in your frustration, like the fact that you seem to not be getting...

That's awesome, @maybegettingbetter . With the recent experience I had with my boyfriend, I realize how important it is to simply start with the truth. I applaud you for prioritizing your truth. I too often sacrifice that for the sake of getting along, which in some cases might be justified. But...

He has a kid with her.

I just wanted to post an update. I tried to resolve the matter with my bf. What I learned was that he really believed the idea that I wanted either weekend and he was able to by interjecting his own spin on hazy details to favor his interpretation. He didn't think he was deliberately trying to...

I thought that maybe if I said to him that this is potentially a big problem for me, he might be able to work on it. But maybe you're right, @Friday. But I also take from your advice that maybe it is in the range of "relatively normal". He is a really decent human being, and does this kind of...

Thanks for your question. I know it was gaslighting because I've seen him do this before to others. If something seems inconvenient, he'll tell a white lie/lie instead or steer you in another direction. It's usually nothing more malicious than that. In this case, to add more detail, the weekend...

Sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm glad she's doing well. I wanted to say that I do believe cptsd can make a person hyper aware of another person's mood and picking up when someone seems off. But I also think there's an interpretive element that is distorted by trauma - a person might be...

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while. I've been feeling pretty healthy and hardly get triggered, which is what often motivates me to run here. I think my boyfriend has a lot to do with it. He has been a reassuring presence in my life. We've been together for over two years. When I get triggered...

I relate to feeling insecure, wanting reassurance, and at the same time, feeling like any little thing I do could reveal that I'm a freak and people would abandon me. I'm getting a lot better about trying to find my own security. But I think the thing that drives the need for reassurance is...

I think part of it is a fawn response, and part of that is exerting some control over the outcome by being laser-focused on and appeasing the scary parent. I think you're on to something about focusing on the self, @Movingforward10, and enforcing boundaries in the here and now. In meditating...

I think you're absolutely right, @grit. It's frustrating that I keep discovering new dysfunctions. But it is such a strong pull to want to figure things out with them and make things better somehow. But my dad would never be appeased, and neither would these people. I was re-reading Body Keeps...

I discovered a new cognitive distortion that I would like help thinking through. I realized recently that I become very focused on appeasing the toxic person. For example, my ex was a vulnerable narcissist, and when the relationship ended, though I had no desire at all to ever get back with him...

Yay! It almost makes triggers worth it (almost).

I thought these were great points: My co-dependency comes from turning my entire attention to my narcissistic father instead of focusing on my own responses and needs. I think your point is good - before trusting the other, you have to be intact and build trust from within. It helps when there...

That's interesting, @Mee. I see where you're coming from. But if you're seeing red flags in yourself and others, wouldn't that be a case of distrust? My experience of trust has been to have taken risks with safe people who have affirmed me. That has taken me away from seeking out people who...

@RussellSue , good point. I was struck by the fact that you could at least trust your husband. I don't know that I could trust anybody in the entire world before my current bf, which is a sad commentary. My son is different because I see. I think you're right that different things work for...

I think people are right to remind us to be realistic and to be cautious, and not to give trust where it is not due. But I think that for most of us who has ptsd and specifically c-ptsd, I don't think we need advice to be less trusting. In specific settings and with specific people, trusting...

I remember once I had a period of about 7 months when I felt like I reverted into a semi-permanent triggered state. But I came out of that thinking there was a purpose. I had made a deliberate decision not to distance myself from it, and embrace it (I had just read books on cptsd and wanted to...

Thanks for clarifying and elaborating @fern. I totally have felt and done similar things and still do. That experience you were describing about your gf saying nice things to you, but you didn't believe her is something I can relate to. I feel that an old wound gets triggered. Sometime when my...

Sorry to hear this, @EveHarrington. I remember in one post I read some months ago that you had said that he was practically your only friend. It must be hard to deal with the loss of someone who played such a big role in your life. You're really strong for sticking to what is best for you and...

That's really great that you can share your intrusive thoughts with your partner. I say do as much of that as possible. Do you think you could elaborate what you mean by not trusting people? Can you give an example, a concrete situation of when you might distrust someone?