Search results

4/10/18 Wow. I have not written here in a while. I have been in the woods though and I've made it at least to the great plains. School will be done in a month and ill be moving soon.Nevertheless things persist and this is how I'm feeling today : I want to badly to have someone be there for me...

@lizbeth27 I attempted to get an assessment. Therapist just indicated that I likely have ASD but was quite dismissive of it because I am "high functioning". ...high functioning and anxiety go hand and hand..not to mention as you noted ..having ASD can make your more vulnerable to abuse. ..she...

I get her point about the disorganized attachment looking similar. I think though if you consider what you were like pretrauma then you can kinda rule out the attachment style. I feel like my aspergers factored into my abuse as well...it did make me an easy target it impacted every part of it...

I never had that experience. Hopefully, I create for my children.

Recently I have learned that I have Autism specifically high functioning or what used to be referred to as Aspergers. I always knew I was different but it made me understand the dynamics around my rape, my responses, the interaction between me and the rapist, even my later rationalizations of...

You have such a good point. I am going to try really hard to do just that. Thank you so much. i avoid writing, meditating, and being present with myself. For me when I open up to it..i don't have control of it and just keeps going and I seek out safety which opens me up for not good things at...

omfg. that is so horrible...but wow..there is so much truth in that ...I am actually crying right now...like I can't even deal with it. Thank you so much for sharing that. Today I am feeling really angry but that just ate up my anger and the real sadness and lack of control i feel came...

I know I should write. Most times though I don't want to open up ...it requires vulnerability..and a wall coming down...with a flood or more like tsunami of feeling falling over...it scares me because I can't easily close it up...so i let it all sort of pool inside of me and then can let it drip...

I take so long to reply, I apologize for that. Thanks..i think everyone is brave here...i remember when I first came to this site and the contact with other people was so uncomfortable and painful I almost ran away I think in some ways I probably did but all the sharing that goes on here from...

'Its been two weeks I am in so much pain that I can't breathe really. I think I am going to start a journal or blog for it. Night.

I also grew up being disassociated ...my partner though has never coneccted to me ...his family functions this way..in the beginning I was not really open for connection but for at least the last 8 years I have wanted it...he though has not and its not something he is really concerned about. I...

There are times when I come across people that I are really special and I feel like I would prefer to be with someone like that. I am aware of the possibility of cheating and I have to some degree emotionally within the last couple of years probably because I didn't want to kill myself and I...

Yeah we've been to therapy a ton of times. I am not going to go again. I am tired of begging for the same things I guess.

I feel like this too...and i feel like no one understands also...when i say that i mean the people in my life i want to be close with and that i want to stop hurting me by rejecting me as i am and expecting me be happy and normal. I am so tired.of not feeling safe because i dont feel ok at home...

Yes. I support him and if someone else needs me I show up. I think though it's abusive for him to lean on me so much..my ability to bear so much is because I am in survival mode..still fight or flight post trauma. He doesn't allow me to be weak its incredibly painful to be strong so often and be...

Wow your life sounds like mine. I can't really live this way too much longer. Its too isolating and damaging. I get suicidal sometimes and wheb things are really bad for me I can't even go to him for comfort because he does not know how to deal even though I have explained exactlt what I need. I...

My partner tells me he loves me constantly. He hasn't hit me or degraded me or cheated on me or anything like that. He takes care of all the bills or most of them and has recently started helping more around the house and with our kids. This though has nothing to do with the storm inside of me...

I can relate. I enage in risk taking behavior partly for the rush and also because I want to be killed. It is hard to admit. No one knows about this but i have done it off and on for a long time now. Its gotten much worse recently. Its like revictimizing myself but trying to grt someone to...

PTSD or not ask her about it, talk to her about it, she's with you so ...I mean you guys should be able to talk about things. I do something similar and some things worse but like...I have my reasons and I have CPTSD but it's not possible for me to say whether her behavior has anything to do...

I have many times. Thanks.

Everyone responds differently to assault. I responded by freezing up and being obedient. He kept me for two years. Its been 12 years and still I'm afraid of men for some reason I follow the same pattern. I freeze up and follow directions or guidance. So I'm in a relationship and have been with...

I am so happy that you have a rock in your home. You are so lucky :-) Also, I left a church because they made me feel ashamed of not being married...find a new flock. Hugs :-)

@Mal Content Thanks you :-)

Omg. I feel like this so much pretty much always and I am so so tired and weary it's a struggle to keep moving. I just wish I had some place to rest for a moment or someone to turn to, but there isn't anyone. I always rely on myself, my own bootstraps. I am on the edge though now, not sure how...

Probably about 99% of the time I feel like this. I have only been able to feel when I am with someone that I feel safe enough to fall apart with and that was once in my entire life. The 1% of time that I do feel I am on the verge of suicide. Hugs. I think it's common with ptsd and disassociation.