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Why Am I Here

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I feel like I dont belong anywhere. I feel like everyone else seems to be enjoying life,in relationships,has friends and family who love them.I dont know why God would put me here,I cant seem to feel happy or loved or safe.I always feel like running away but I have no place to run to.I feel so alone and yet I isolate myself and dont allow anyone to get close to me.I dont see a future for me it feels hopeless.i dont look forward to anything.The only person in my life (my son) treats me like dirt. I am sorry for feeling sorry for myself
 
I get the hopelessness thing in bucketloads when my mood goes down, and it can be paralysing. Working my way out of it means I have to keep going, keep looking after myself, even when it feels pointless. I've isolated so long that it's hard for me to even conceptualise people noticing me or caring for me, so when they do, I feel awkward and panicked.

I've found a lot of answers in Schema Therapy, which looks at common warped core beliefs that we develop, particularly when there's a history of trauma.

One that you might relate to is Social Isolation/ Alienation: the feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community.

It can be a bit of a chicken and egg thing, because certainly it's not really a "warped belief" for me anymore, I've isolated to the point where I am living quite seperate to the community around me. But knowing that the underlying belief, that this is inately who I am, is something that was created by my trauma, and can be fixed, offered me hope: I'm not weird, this is such a common feeling that they've given it a name. And people recover from this stuff.

I hope that gives you a ray of light like it did for me.
 
I feel like I dont belong anywhere. I feel like everyone else seems to be enjoying life,in relat...
Thanks for the post catch the wind. sounds to me that you would fit in good here. Lots of like minded friendly supportive people hang out here. I have only been here a short time and starting to find my way around a little it is a huge site with lots of different resources.
Peace be safe
 
Omg. I feel like this so much pretty much always and I am so so tired and weary it's a struggle to keep moving. I just wish I had some place to rest for a moment or someone to turn to, but there isn't anyone. I always rely on myself, my own bootstraps. I am on the edge though now, not sure how much longer I can hold all this before the dam breaks and I fall apart completely for the first time in my life. I hope you find some way to get relief and I know for me those things are usually taboo and likely disturbing to others. Hugs. Be safe.
 
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