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Not a good day and most of my parts wish we weren't around. I've been working on trauma stuff. I attempted to contact my T but never heard back and I can't tell you how damaging that is. Rarely do I ever bother sharing it so to reach out was a risk and not hearing back confirms that I am alone...

I hate the month of October. Between the seasons changing, dark coming earlier each day and the anniversary of something very bad that happened. I feel out of control, alone and scared. My dissociation gets worse and my ability to tolerate everything becomes overwhelming. Yes, I have skills but...

It's that time again. My T is on vacation for 8 days and I and all my "parts" are dysregulated, loud, unsettled and a hundred other things. It's been like this for my entire life when it came to people leaving or vacationing. I never knew how to express the deep feelings it always brought up nor...

Tomorrow is the birthday but not just any, one of those bigger ones. That's the problem. My parts don't age and only the body gets older. It's so confusing to know it's the birthday and think it's someone else, not us. I will not be bringing any attention to it and will spend the day having no...

Thank you

This is going to be embarrassing to write because no one knows about it and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it. I have many parts all different ages. One of them being 2 years old. That being said, she's not potty trained therefore has to wear pull-ups. Urgh. If she has an accident, she feels...

Yes, sorry about that

But, I'll give it a try. I guess you could say I had a falling out/my angry parts of DID couldn't hold back. The irregular schedule consisting of cancellations and time off for other personal reasons only provoked the abandonment feelings and fed into rejection. I don't recall the specific words...

To call when I'm both happy and sad. But I don't and it's my own fault. I've lost a lot of good friends because I'm too much. When my honesty about my mental health comes out, it changes them. I can honestly say I don't know who I even am anymore but a lost lonely sole.

Thank you so much

It doesn't matter why, but this is an ongoing trend my entire life. Making friends is the easy part but have failed to keep any. Right now, I have 0 interest in outside relationships. I can be the best friend there is, and then something happens. Maybe they trigger me or I get walked over or the...

It can take hours, sometimes even days to regulate back from the trauma work done in session. I never really have much time to think about it before I'm thrown into the million other things I do. What seems to be an ongoing feeling for some of my parts is this intense sadness. Ashamed by how I...

It's so hard. When my younger parts are, well being young. I know what they need but the rest of us have to work and do the boring stuff but it's a constant battle all day long. We have no patience for the humans and just want to be alone to process so information. It's so lonely.... and sad

Thank you. I don't know of anyone else who has this and all the other stuff and because of that it makes it worse. I don't know how to do trauma work and maintain everything else. I'm overwhelmed but I know I have to deal with this now if I want to move forward with life.

Happens even more with an increase of stress combined with all the (DID) parts. So if you don't have this damning condition let me explain. Relentlessly explaining to a 4 yr old, 6 yr old, 8 yr old, 14 yrs old all separately a concept such as our T on vacation- again. Yup, abandonment. It's this...

Most miserable feeling and worse knowing no one gets it no matter what other than people on here

I don't have a go to person. I don't get that luxury.

I'm miserable, trapped, tortured by my mind, have done everything taught- over and over again everyday and get the same result in the end. No one wants to hear it or just plain ignore it despite efforts to communicate. It's too late- years ago people tried helping so too bad so sad.

I can write that my T is on vacation next week and how it screws my parts up etc but what's the point? None. Why? Lived my entire crap life like this. Never changes. Yea, took dbt twice and yea remind me I know skills too. It feels like they are now held against me. How can one go from 2...

For unavoidable reasons, my T cancelled getting the email early before work. So before I even got to work I was already dysregulated not wanting to be around anyone. Everything today has been a struggle. I have DID and borderline amoungst other stuff. I one thing I hate is change of any kind and...

I do recall getting picked on when I was little but who hasn't? Some would happen at school and other times at home. Let me tell you, I have an actual twin sister and we were always compared to each other. We were very different people and often times I would be sad with her listening to someone...

I notice every once in awhile before, during and after dissociation my jaw feeling weirdly and my speech becomes slower more basic in content. I wonder if at the time I think I'm present but I'm not. Does anyone else get this?

It really hurts their feelings though...

Especially with DID. The parts don't just go away and life goes on. I see my T 2x a week for 45 min. She gets to go on with her life. Many times after session, my parts need clarification so I'll call or email asking to talk. But basically, I'm on my own. Its 50/50 if she calls back. And my...

Why? Because my child was sexually assaulted numours times over a year and the low life scum won. Not guilty. May I point out this is why people don't speak up. To be told I'm a liar and my child and listen to the bullcrap about him being a former cop and "well" liked. Then to get a call about...