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Quick question for anyone who can help... Since i can remember i have been dealing with self hate. I self harmed at a young age and wanted to die.. Today i still struggle with this. Very low self esteem. Body image issues. Not good enough, i feel so different and ugly. Inside and out. Im in a...

Fruit

I understand Hope everything gets easier soon

Im thankful i was able to make dinner for my family and we prayed :) Small steps.

I forgot Nightmares Flashbacks Insomnia Panic attacks

It would be so nice to be relaxed and not have my shoulders up in my ears. To be able to feel like, no big deal...easy going...chill. Free of migraines and neck/shoulder pain, trembling, dissociating, anger....si, self hate, isolating...make it go......

@shandemonium...that is a great idea..im looking for a new t and have already met with 4 but i went in there to spill my guts out (to see if they could help me) but i get so dissociated that it goes to sh** after that. The other problem is so far im more comfortable with one of the males ( i saw...

@Lewa yes, that sounds simular but i really dont remember much else besides being amazed i was real and looking at my arm. However recently i had an experience that reminded me of that. I was kind of feeling like i just came out of a fog and i was hyper aware of everything, it felt so strange...

Thanks @Chava.. I guess it's some kind of flashback... I get 3 different types, maybe 4. But this kind is so hard for me to even describe...the best i can say is it's as if somethings on the tip of my tongue, but I can't grasp it (thats what it feels like)

@Notsowild Hi I don't know all of what happened or what was said but I just wanted to say sorry for how you feel and hope things are better for you soon.

Thanks @camabelu, i too used to be the "get over it type"..i could not understand people using the past (trauma) as an excuse. That was before my delayed onset complex ptsd.. Now i understand why some people cant even face it. @shimmerz thanks so much ..i will read up on that

Thanks @FridayJones..i will probably have to come back to this thread later to understand it all. My brain is just not good right now

I dont think i understand @FridayJones, but there is not much i can understand right now. Are you asking if i did ecstacy? I apologise if that's not what you were asking but my brain is not working great right now...but no, i have never done that...

Wow, @camabelu. Thank you so much. Too broken is a record that replays in my head constantly..along with defective, worthless, guilty..so on and so on. I mean If my own family treated me like that how could i ever love myself. You give me inspiration, although i know it's going to take a ton of...

Omg thank you so much muse.. i just got chills reading your post..i can barely even process what you just wrote to me but im going to keep coming back to it. I really appreciate your post so much.

It could be a buried memory. Its just so frustrating..like when somethings on the tip of your tongue.. And then im all jacked up now. Like really not functional.. Thanks so much..at least someone knows what im talking about. Im currently looking for a new T

I meant to say that this thing happened today again and has me all messed up... Dissociating,anxious,paranoid,jumpy,in a fog... And im still clueless... I dont even know if the person or thing thats half dead is me? Or a person or animal...it just a mystery..

Please let me know if this happens to you... This has happened to me maybe 10 times since working through trauma. Its happened in the bath, on a hike, in my garage... It is the HARDEST of all my ptsd symptoms to explain. I have these one flashbacks that are so easy to explain..im 5 yrs old...

Water

I feel for you. Im isolating. It is horrible. I dont really have advice but sorry for what you are going through..and i relate to lots you said

My sibling also blamed me too. On top of all the abuse i got already..and then to be blamed my whole childhood for things i had no control over...i was a baby. When she was older told me she dropped me on my head and used to hurt me all the time because she hated and blamed me. She was a teen...

When you.... 1)trust no one 2)Get scared when the phone rings 3)freak out when someones at the door 4)Cant handle someone walking behind you, especially upstairs.. 5)Can no longer handle watching news or scary movies 6)Cant handle seeing anyone get in a fight 7)Can not get your application for...

I think if we all can get the right help ( which takes A LOT of work!!!) Not only from outsiders, but also from within ourselves we can ALL have a life that feels WORTH living. I too often turn to wanting to die because of my pain and not knowing how to deal with it. But i have some fight in me...

I just track my age by what house i lived in..im not always right but close enough I guess all the moving in early childhood was good for tracking my age..

Thanks so much..it just feels so strange now that im aware i guess