Childhood Childhood Experience With Noticing I Was Real

[theotherside]

I just remember at 5 looking down at my arm while i was eating cereal at the kitchen table. I saw my arm, moved it and either thought or said "im real" its happened before but not quiet like that. My abuse started before 5 and lasted...i couldn't tell you...
Anyone have this happen?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I remember at age thirty that I wanted to quit pretending and I wanted to become real. Best decision I ever made. But it sure was hell getting to where I am now. I wish you the best.

 

[Lucycat]

I went through a phase a year or so ago when I was convinced that I was either the figment of somebody's imagination or the character in a book. T could not persuade me otherwise. It was very frightening and I felt overwhelmed by it all. However it passed and T linked it to a particular trigger ( I don't recall what just now) and said it was derealisation.

 

[StellaBlue]

I remember being around 9 or 10 years old and realizing that I was me. I remember being in a Sunday school class and asking the teacher to explain how I was me and everyone else was everyone else. I think the poor man was very dumbfounded and really couldn't offer an explanation.

 

[Chava]

depersonalization, yes.

 

[garden]

Wow! Okay, so when I was in 2nd grade, I was washing dishes and crying and feeling very hopeless and down, and I started looking around the kitchen and noticing all the appliances, the cabinets, everything, and it was as if I was seeing them all for the first time! I felt some kind of wonder. I was not crying anymore. Then I had these thoughts, like what's the point of having all this stuff? Why do we do the things we do? Something is really wrong, but what is it?! I was alone in our apartment (latch key kid) and I was feeling an awareness that I had never experienced before...it caught me totally off guard. I felt like I was alive, and I could not name what I was before I felt alive. It was a distinct shift of some kind. This experience was followed by lifted spirits... I remember feeling very depressed as a child, and there being other times when I was just numb, but after this I felt good for a little while. Have never shared this, I guess I thought it was some strange isolated experience...

 

[theotherside]

@Lewa yes, that sounds simular but i really dont remember much else besides being amazed i was real and looking at my arm. However recently i had an experience that reminded me of that. I was kind of feeling like i just came out of a fog and i was hyper aware of everything, it felt so strange. Everything looked different to me like more clear and i was just thinking omg this is my life? And i just looked at my kids and started to cry because i felt so bad for them that im like this...
Anyway that feeling lasted for a while but it was hard to function..