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Does anybody else dissociate physical pain away? If I experience pain, it can be pain of any kind but especially more intense pain, my brain tends to dissociate it either away completely or dissociate enough of it that it's significantly downgraded. This has its positives, I guess, but can be...

For me, integration involved a slow progress, but it didn't need for me to be aware of all of my parts. I don't think that I am still aware of all my parts. In a way, I'm not sure whether you can ever be sure you know them all, in my experience that is, might be different for others. I have...

I'm a pretty competent disordered eating person, myself. Throughout my life I've fluctuated from severely restricting food and being way underweight, to the old binge eating/ overeating sidekick. I find depending on what is going on in my life, it is better or worse. There are times when I...

Just wondering if anybody else lives in a particularly small area and sees a T in that area. I live in a pretty small place and it is tricky and funny sometimes because of the interconnectedness that I sometimes find with my T and I. Back a decade ago I really struggled with it as I had a lot...

I really struggle with trust @oakleaves and I find that I might be seeming to be developing trust with my T but then a small change can cause me to suddenly reset and feel like I lack trust again. What you are describing, looking out for things constantly to show he doesn't care or shouldn't...

Was in hospital because of a nasty flareup of my endometriosis @Survivor3 . Am resting at home now though and very happy to be back. :) Second time in hospital for the same problem in the last 5 weeks so a bit over it all. They had the problem mistaken for a ruptured cyst first time around...

Hi. I am in hospital at the moment, unfortunately. Second time in two months and feeling a bit down about it all. Nurses and doctors are lovely though and painkillers are helping. Hope to be out of here soon. How is everyone else?

I wrote this poem as I was thinking about the cyclic nature of relationship difficulties which are born from developing a fear of intimacy through trauma early on in life.

Love is One Chance Love Cloaks hate, A rapist Lurking in dark. Love Is excuses, A rapist gifts early morn Roses. Love Is danger. Stranger, Don’t let in At midnight. Love Is One chance, Birth, Shines warm Lifelong. Love Is One chance, Birth, Missed alone Lifelong.

That is really interesting. My T has flagged this with me as a reason in the development of dissociative symptoms also and severity of symptoms, the lack of secure attachments in childhood.

Copyright @Digz

I think some people can have pretty bad side effects/reactions. My grandmother in-law took it as recommended by the doctor as she sleeps poorly because of old age, and it actually kept her awake. She said she was up all night cleaning, felt completely hyperactive! So far, it seems to be okay...

I'm doing a bit better today. It's just a matter of struggling through those tricky days. The other day I wrote a long email to my T, even though he's not there and I wasn't expecting an answer, but just writing like I was kind of talking to him helped me get through. I'm keeping busy and...

I've just started taking Melatonin too, suggested by my T. It is really good. Only problem is it is not sold commercially here, so have to order it in internationally.

Thanks @Survivor3 . That sounds terrible about your T. Are they away?

Almost 3 weeks into my T being away on leave. Struggling big time tonight, but trying so hard to hang in there. All the memories looming, making it hard.

Just Breathe Inhale Exhale Kill yourself Ignore. Inhale Exhale You’re disgusting Ignore. Inhale Kill yourself Exhale You’re disgusting Ignore Fat Dumb You want to die Inhale Sadness caught Tears frozen Kill yourself Kill yourself Cut your wrists Kill yourself Exhale Remember love Remember...

So, turned out not to be stress... actually had a ruptured ovarian cyst that put lots of fluid into my abdomen. Had a bit of a stay in hospital and now home with strong painkillers. On the plus side, definitely not at all concerned about my T being away lately!

Now the doctors are so worried about my abdominal pain, they're sending me through to the hospital 2hrs drive away. :( Pretty sure it's just all stress related, always is with me. Oh well, it's keeping me occupied I guess.

I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through with this @Wilma , wish I had seen your post earlier. I have actually been through a fairly similar situation in which therapy was terminated via a letter in the post. It was extremely difficult at the time and I struggled to survive it in a lot of...

Thanks. Unfortunately the initial stress has made me physically ill at the moment, so first priority is trying to get better now. I like the idea of celebrating little milestones @Movingforward10 . It's a funny thing having such a reaction, even after having had many years with no therapy. I...

I do like to paint @Skywatcher , am planning on doing just what you said, I'm glad that helped you, gives me hope! A month seems like a long time with no contact but I'm hopeful it will go quickly if I'm busy. I'm trying to view it like a good break from therapy for me also. I was surprised...

Eh, my therapist is away for a month now. I'm just into the first day and struggling. My abandonment schema is going crazy, working overtime. It can be so frustrating when logically you know there's no reason to be upset by something, but your brain thinks very differently about it. I'm on...

Shadow Me Shadow me. Your words, My mouth. Your thoughts, My head. Debut? You – fierce fury Me – run, run, run. No escaping My mind. Finish fleeing, Incline inwards. She protecting Me. She born for Me. She Resentfully raging. World...

That's no good, @Changing4Best . Hope you start feeling better soon. Sounds like the best thing you can do is sleep. Wishing you a speedy recovery. I bet it was a huge relief it wasn't Covid!