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@jawanessa - Well said, my experience exactly -

@Link Removed - You're not alone in your feelings, any of them. As I read your post I was thinking, yeah I do that one.. and that one. Oh, there's another. And then, hey I'm 60 and have been trying to heal for the thirty years or so since I found out why I was so jacked up inside my mind. You've...

My head is spinning just reading what has happened to you with therapists doing those things. But when I think back, I've heard some of the same things happening here. I'm sorry for this happening to you. It was and is criminal and makes me angry to my core. Abusers with credentials are those...

@LlamaSadFace - Tread carefully. Firm, healthy boundaries are needed in your circumstances. It takes work to figure out what those boundaries need to be, where they need to be in place, and what consequences will result if the boundaries are violated. This is logical planning. Now, the...

You carry the sacred gift of life within you. What you've been through has tried to destroy that life and probably maimed it, but at your sacred core, you remain. It's hard to see, much less feel this truth, like living in a cave while others bask in the sun. The sun exists always. I believe...

Welcome to the forum -

One of those parts is who survived the abuse. I like that one in me; the others, very trying to live with for sure.

It's a form of hyper-vigilance, certainly not stalking; and it's normal for what you've been through.

I get what you're saying. I don't have DID either, but I live in what my T described as a trance state which is more like a daydream than outright trance. I have a part of me that stays numb around people in order to protect myself, and another part of me that, with effort when I'm around people...

I totally get this - if you get to the point that you want ideas about marketing your services let me know via private msg. I can give links to marketing resources I've used. ps - AnnaLost and watundah both offer marketing sources I've used. It's hard putting yourself out there, don't take the...

fuzzypenguin "I can't stop thinking about death." When I get like this, thinking about death a lot, is when feelings of relentless pain, or despair and hopelessness set in and dying feels like the only relief. I know this is shortsighted on my part for I cannot see the future. It's just my...

Welcome to the forum.

Welcome to the forum. If you stay in touch here you'll see you're not alone with all you're experiencing as a result of what you've been through. No need to be ashamed of feeling afraid. Fear is just one symptom of PTSD. Reading through some of the threads here and looking at some really good...

I shut down too, when past the point of having control. Absent another way to regain control it seems better to isolate than hurt others emotionally. I think by shutting down I may have prevented harm from my words. I do know from a few times when I didn't shut down and instead tried to make...

@stenni - "In a battle troops need to be functional" Well said - sometimes part of a battle is just to dig in and hang on. I say this laughing at myself for those times I've stayed in bed and hid from what I was supposed to be doing (Not that I was laughing while under the covers). You're...

Those 'friends' who left had their loyalty-flaw uncovered by what you were going through. This is a common trait with many people, a lack of true loyalty, and there's nothing described in your posts above that would justify them leaving. If you continue trying to understand why they left as it...

You have a good perception of the need to take care of yourself. I second barefoot: Good call -

Is it because you're in a battle for freedom? War is a process to resist encroaching forces that seek to enslave us. I think of when Hitler waged war on England and the effort to remain free ensued. Those battles went on and on until victory was won. There were good days and bad, but it's...

Intervening like your friend did for her husband is like a double-edged sword; it cuts both ways by seeking help for the one she loves, and then angering him by trying to help. I've been in that mindset of self-destructive behavior and at the time would tell concerned friends, "It's my life...

@Island Jim - You're not alone as you'll discover if you read enough threads and posts here. I don't see you as weak either. Something has happened to you that seems to have weakened you, like any deep wound would do.

stillstanding2 explains the use of the list very well. It is a guide how to avoid the kinds of thoughts that hurt us. If you can find just one thing on the list that speaks to how, about how you think or react, then start with that one thing on the list and begin to avoid doing that one thing...

@Nikie - Ms Spock's message to you is that it takes an act of willpower to use the list she copied. Using this list is not easy for anyone. We all have different instincts, true. Everyone has different circumstances, some similar, some very different. But also, we have to decide to fight the...

Ethan, I know where you're coming from. This is a long post because I feel what you're going through. I've had similar experiences since leaving LE after 21 years. In the first year anger and rage kept rising up like out of nowhere and I think it came from having to suppress all the emotions...

@ssg - Your mind is a battlefield right now with competing thoughts at war. Trying to use logic to sort through all the thoughts, so you can determine which ones fit you and those that don't, end up creating foggy confusion. Instead of being bogged down in it all, try this: You'll need a...

May I offer something my T had me do that worked in helping to relieve some of the self-condemnation? It was easy and gave relief pretty quick, maybe within a week or so (it's been 20 years since I practiced it, but the mental habit of it is still with me). The technique helps with depression...