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Quit smoking Quit moderate drinking Quit caffeine back That was back in May or whenever it was. I'm not big on dates or counting days or anything. I feel so much better. No caffeine, while hard because of withdrawal headache that lasted a couple days, I sleep better and feel more even...

I did really great work for years with a male counselor. We got along great. Maybe because we were both queer, it worked even better. He was a student when I first started seeing him. After I relocated, I've had a couple of therapists, all women. I find it harder with women. I'm not sure if...

This is kind of an insidious form of control that I identify with, and it hurts because it's hard to even describe in my case what was going on, except that reading about it produces very strong feelings like this happened to me at a pre-verbal stage. Google it, wikipedia has some information...

Hope this can be helpful to processing stuff. It sounds like you don't have any therapy. It's not clear where you live so not sure how accessible supports are. Maybe school will help you get resources. The teacher is a good place to start because you say you trust them. Where I'm from there...

I'm wondering why you feel like everyone is asking "Why is this guy even in school?" Maybe there is real valid evidence of it, so I'm asking the question earnestly. We can feel like people are judging us even though they aren't, but sometimes, people are judging us. Sometimes knowing that's...

I have found that the weighted product provides more direct deep pressure than just blankets would. In the summer we have a cotton quilt, sort of antique, that is quite suitable even for warm temps. It's not really heavy, but heavy enough. I absolutely can't sleep with just a sheet or with...

I am reading you blaming yourself a ton here, but the above line stood out to me a lot. Because I relate.. Part of your baggage, maybe is that you try so hard to be a good person, and always thinking and worrying about everyone else? You fail, because no one can be that perfectly good person...

Welcome, Tom. Did you look at the Wiki? You could also try to search, using the option to restrict the search only to titles. I find search sometimes returns nothing, then if I change it a bit even using the same words, I get results.

BigBear, thanks for the encouragement. I was nervous about posting this. But it was from the heart. I appreciate you, even though things are hard. You've helped me so much, and I hope (well I know, but maybe need validation) that I've helped you too. I wish things would just magically get...

I'm married to another new member @Jemini We are having a lot of problems. Discovering and learning about C-PTSD as something we are both dealing with has helped us understand a lot about our patterns but maybe we're too late, or it's too complicated or we just can't work through things enough...

I definitely feel effects from not taking it, I tend to be more spaced out when I forget it. I don't seem to be accident-prone on it, although people react differently. Ativan made someone I know delusional. I know people who get really sedated on one kind of benzo compared to another. If...

Positive thoughts over to you. Yes, what you are standing up for is so important and for so many people, especially people who have kept silent. You are strong and brave. You aren't standing alone. Keep breathing ~pj

Sounds like therapist hit on important piece of you feeling like you let things happen. Agree with franciemarnie about how easy it is to look back from the outside and think "I could have done differently". I thought I had processed that and resolved/forgiven myself 18 years ago but it still...

I developed a lot of self-confidence and feeling esteem towards myself when I dove into a passion of mine intensely and connected with people who shared that passion. For the first time I felt seen and liked for who I was. In no way am I meaning this to knock anyone at all, I kind of feel like...

Yes, I imagine this would be the case for some people that it would be a trigger, understandably. Thanks for sharing, Therisa pj

I have a confusing relationship with lying. Lying about how I feel is certainly common, for reasons stated above. Hard to be honest about how I felt when there was this unspoken directive since before I could speak that my feelings weren't okay. But when I lie about inconsequential things...

For the most part, as I've read about them, weighted blanket as a therapy isn't something you use to sleep with. It's not advised to use them for a long time, like hours overnight. It's more like, if I put it over my shoulders or over my upper body it's very grounding. At some point it's too...

This perfectly describes something I was trying to get at. When someone else is challenging me, it's as if I'm defending not just me, or not me at all, but some pattern that feels like I need to hang onto it. There's that negative reinforcement thing; we can take on the negative behaviors of...

I'm working a lot on intimacy with therapist. Even a conversation about intimacy in our therapeutic relationship takes me a lot of effort to stay seated on the couch. It's so hard to trust. Especially because I don't know what I'm feeling a lot of the time. Therapist said that was noteable...

I tried searching for a discussion of this and could not find one, so figured I would start it. I was recently inpatient in a trauma and dissociative disorders unit. It was unlike any other inpatient experience I had. It wasn't without its difficulties, but some things I thought were very...

This is IP-based right?

I keep visiting this thread because I just relate to the title, emotional and intimacy deficient. I've been lurking because I certainly don't want to project anything onto you, nomedic. Recent trauma of J's brought up this in even more difficult relief for me - I am, in some fundamental ways...

I swear by the real probiotics of real kefir. I could talk anyone's ear off about it. I'm not talking about the kefir bought in a store, but the traditionally fermented stuff. As a casein intolerant person, I was able to do kefir. I stopped because the process was making too much and I got...

Welcome, Blue waters. The stuff we endured in childhood because of dysfunctional parents is really tough. The person who was supposed to protect you did the opposite. I wish you well on your journey.

Our two cats know when we are sad and needing support. They come sit on us and purr.