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Thank you @Teamwork. I agree. Starting small is what I'm trying until I get to where I need to be It sucks and it's so painful when you leave a bed of lies before you even realize they are lies that breeds attacking yourself until you realise the truth. Ugghh! I never thought I would be there...

I'm trying. Thank you for your reply. And I think you're right, that it's because everything that I had established before was based on a lie. It's such a sad thing that when you leave something like that, you lose your whole community and have to start over.

I agree that how we thing affects the way we feel. But I also agree that when other people are terribly hurtful to us, this affects us as well and if we are constantly exposed to disheartening people we can therefore become disheartened ourselves. I think it's important to work through the pain...

I feel like I need sooo much help. I have an amazing therapist but I wish I had more. I might look into attending a regular therapy group. I don't know what to do to get through this though. I wish I had more support and friends. I did have some support when I was in that religious community I...

I can definitely relate to not being able to cry and it making me feel like I am just acting or numb

The anger part, I taught myself from a young age to control my anger and to be patient, polite and kind. I used to have so much anger as a kid because of many unfair situations but it wasn't safe enough to express so I hit myself. I knew this was not good so I taught myself self control. I...

Sorry. I typed out a whole reply two times and both times it required me to name my post and never posted it for me. Anyways, thank you for replying and yes, our stories are similar in some respects, especially with us feeling more accepted at church than by our own families

I something wrong with me because I chose to try my best to survive my childhood and still have a positive attitude no matter what others did to hurt me? I wanted to be a good person, a loving person. I wanted to be a good, loving mom one day and prove that no matter what others do to you...

I wish I could find others that could relate to me. I'm sure there are others. My childhood was so bad and insane that to survive it every day, I tapped into my deepest coping mechanisms and focused on the positive or I focused on nature or on God. Unlike many peers, I liked school because it...

Sorry I am venting but I am so angry and have so much pent up anxiety and feel like typing it all out. I guess all my anger and feelings of anxiety related to this cult, are coming up now. Anyone else relate? I don't know who I am and what I want to do with my life or what my aspirations are...

The why?! What's the purpose. Why do we have to go through this in the first place! Yes, I totally get it. Sometimes we need more support in our lives to get through it all.

One other thing. Based on my experience, it's nice to have a good support system of people that respect your decisions about how to handle your PTSD symptoms, no matter what you choose, whether it be conventional medicine, ayurvedic medicine or alternative medicine.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early 20s. The symptoms were debilitating and prevented me from doing what I wanted to do but I was determined to ride them through until I got better because I was not born that way but because it was caused by traumatic stuff in my life. So I opted to try more...

Thank you @ladee . I can't wait to get beyond this. I am just tired now. I feel like I have been through WAY too much and am still pissed off about my life because I actually used to be very optimistic most of my life growing up, determined to fight my way through the abuse I was experiencing as...

I am in sooo much pain right now. I wake up with knots in my stomach, an empty gnawing feeling in my gut and an empty gnawing feeling in my throat, like I want to speak but can't because of an overwhelming, uncomfortable anxiety. I want to cry everyday ut can't. I feel outbursts of anger because...

Ok! FU A!!! I HATE YOU! (REFERRRING TO THE ABUSERS!) I hate anyone who thinks it's ok to refer to anyone having some feelings as having illegitimate feelings! Our feelings are real and mean something! We are also human beings with feelings! I personally hate anyone! that decides our feelings...

And if we are have strong feelings I'm sorry you went through that. We learn to shut down and blame ourselves because we have no one to help us and no where to go and safest way for us to cope when we are little is to shut down. It is so hard to finally do the opposite and start standing up for...

Same here. Your exact words

@Chiqui I have problems with this too. I find it helpful to understand where this self-rejecting attitude is coming from. Sometimes our friends or family can make it hard to accept ourselves for who we are. Past abuse or negative messages to us from others doesn't ever help. What really helps...

Yeah, it sucks. I am so sorry you have no one to talk to about it. Having supportive people is so important. When I have no one to talk to, I will sometimes try journaling. And of course coming on here for support too.

Thank you. That's why I'm here. To get it all out and heal.

I tried so hard, for many years, since I was little, to do the best I could to not be weird like my parents, and to avoid being dysfunctional and to be positive about my future and work very hard so I could be independent financially and be a responsible adult and I tried so hard to be loving...

On top of all this bulls##t caused by the aftermath of leaving a disgusting cult, I was already diagnosed with PTSD about a decade ago because of the effects of childhood abuse I already suffered that isolated me already from even my peers in the religious cult. I came from the weird family...

I am trying so hard to Thrive, not just survive. I feel like most of my life thus far has been spent just trying to survive another day. What I mean by this, is enduring horrific childhood abuse, having PTSD, being on your own financially, being shunned by a strict religious cult and community...

When I finally had full blown PTSD symptoms (the symptoms started in my late teens), I would have to focus on positive things and pretend my life was normal, otherwise I felt like my tense body would snap. When I was a kid and I was forced to work or other things, I would turn it into a game in...