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I agree with you on the public lynching of shame and hurt. I have used the n word once during a trauma and I am very ashamed of it. I am not racist, and at the time I was going on and out of psychosis. I also ment it for the white supremacist and their friends that hurt me, but I was also kinda...

I will probably be in this web site at some point, and if not me then someone else will be on. You won't necessarily be alone in that sense. I will look for you in the chat area on Christmas to talk.

Happy Holidays! I'm wondering what people do about the physical pain. In my 20's the ptsd physical pain didn't seem to affect me as much. Now that I'm 41 it's getting to me a bit. My physical pain is from being tense, and not sleeping. I'm good with my thoughts on the ptsd nights when I can't...

If I had some power and my dad couldn't put me in a mental institution and I knew I was of consenting age then it wouldn't have been so bad. I think in the states 16 is young again because we have no power, but it still would have been bad. Thank you for the comments. I haven't been able to get...

I hate ptsd. I am having a hard time with the deserving part of things I went through, and separating that from what happened. I always thought it was my fault as a kid I got bullied because I was ugly and fat. God knows I couldn't escape it. I thought for years I deserved the public humiliation...

I was supposed to giggle and blush. I was supposed to find a man to "give it to me." I was supposed to like it. Any teenage kid would have lost it in my situation. Most would kill themselves. My boyfriend found me fresh. I was 15, fat really fat when he started going out with me. I had only one...

Thank you. It's ok if you read it. Like I said I'm still trying to sort it out. Their are some aspects of my major trauma at 17 that I'm working through. This is a good place.

Thank you. I didn't think anyone was reading. Your kindness means a lot. I am still trying to put things into words and put coherent complete thoughts together about the past. Thank you again for your support.

I agree to some extent. But, when I went into a psychosis due to torture as a teenage girl I was humiliated with the shame of going in to a psychosis and blamed for not being able to handle it. Having a scientific backing and not just my own opinion was refreshing. I guess maybe I'm still...

You know what is really weird no one cares that a teenage girl was tortured until she broke, no one cared what I did like if I lived or died or did drugs or became a homeless person. I just couldn't put anything about it under my "only for me" option on facebook. I did post something all ducked...

Torture Victims More Resilient Than Other Trauma Victims, But Cumulative Effects Take Their Toll, According to New Research

Thank you I thought I put it up. I will now.

Interesting research about how cumulative trauma increases the chances of psychosis and other mental illness for those tortured than those who can contribute their torture to collective causes. The straw that broke the camel's back....... If you couldn't take it anymore and psychologically broke...

It's rough right now. Crying in church trying to hide it. Flashbacks suck. The people that hurt me took away all of my power to keep myself safe, my autonomy, my perceptions of the world and reality were destroyed. It is difficult to live through as it went from childhood bullies to adult...

Hearing voices inside of my head was a trip. It hurt most of the time, but some of the time the voices would tell me what someone I knew was going to say to me the next day. I had so many weird experiences with that. Things that I would see on tv the next day were told to me a day or two before...

My Mom ha. Famous artist in her family, and was raised going to the disney mansion on social events with her parents. My Dad was poor growing up but he always had friends with money and was popular in school. They were both the oldest and never picked on. My Dad did get a college degree and...

Yeah being singled out sucks. My childhood I was singled out. I have people now in my life that wouldn't think what happened to me was a big joke. I have people now who when I'm upset say "hay can I talk to you? Are you ok?" I also know this guy who tried to kill himself in his early 2 0's late...

I didn't have a home after 17. I hadn't graduated yet, and I had no where I could just be safe from feeling like a whore, stupid, and degraded. I put up with a lot, and when it was obvious I had no home, no real friends, and was being told I was either hallucinating about that guy who let God...

Ptsd is totally calmed down. Finally!

I've got some free time and things are popping in my head. I was told and expected to have a smile on my face and be nice to every person I see when over half the people I saw were sexually harassing me or laughing at how stupid I was. I was gaslighted out of my mind as I tried to get help.from...

When I was a kid getting bullied and spit on I wanted to be mentally strong. My dad and brother always played the game "just giving you a hard time" which is making fun of you and things about you until your break and show either frustration or sadness or anger. So, I decided to not show the...

Not all men are men of honor. And, that I've just allowed to be what it is. I always thought people were what they said they were. I guess it is what it is.

I didn't know if I was hallucinating for 21 years. If go back and forth I was hallucinating or not. How could people do that to what was a 15-16 year old when it happened? I lost 20 years of my life so gaslight and confused the trauma ended up being much longer than it had to be. Yeah grown ads...

I have missed a lot of family gatherings because of my ptsd, and having to be institutionalized. I can say looking back it is ok today because I know I couldn't help it. Medication can be very difficult to deal with I understand from experience. It's amazing that you won't self harm, and a...

Finally stopped having nightmares last night. Slept in till 12 noon. Fight or flight anxiety not pumping through my body. I realized last night some of my fear is of ever doing drugs again. Hell is where God is not, and their is no God in heavy drugs. I ramble on and on when I'm in the throws of...