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Thank you. I feel like a mess. I want normal life back. I'm hoping the distance will help? I wish I were feeling more upset about my dad, but quite simply I'm not... and since returning I apologized for exploding towards a few family members when my limits were pushed too far. I've heard (from...

I was home last week for my father's funeral. And as friends have pointed out, most of my problems and venting when I came back hasn't been about the death of my father. It's been about my family while I was there. My dad prepared me for his death from a young age. He hadn't expected to live a...

I need sleep but can't sleep. My father passed away. His funeral was today. I was home with my family. Friends got me drunk last night, I yelled at my mother and ranted at my siblings about how everyone is. I made a bad situation worse, and now I'm the bitch. My behavior was out of line, but...

Mine's not from a workplace accident or from combat, but as a person with non-combat PTSD, I'm willing to answer a few questions.

I had a dream last night. I don't remember all of it, but the emotions behind it all were painfully clear. I was back in a mix of high school and college. I was clearly still living with my parents, and could feel that constant clutch of anxiety in my chest at all times, I could feel the...

I finally figured out the trigger the last few days by reading this journal. Paczkis. I'd completely forgotten they were linked to my rapist. I didn't eat any, but every Mardi Gras I can't help but think of them, since it's such a big part of the holiday back home. Also, remembered today that...

I said sometimes because it seems to vary with my body. It does help me fall asleep, but sometimes if I'm already depressed, it can leave me groggy in the morning. I take it in pill form, usually 5mg.

I completely understand this sentiment. I've wanted this for my entire life. I got pretty close while my sister lived in the same area, far from our parents. She has since moved back to our hometown for the sake of her children, and regressed in many ways & doesn't have the emotional capacity to...

My siblings and I all experienced differing incarnations of my parents over the years (my younger brother and older sister are about 10 years apart, I'm close to the middle). My sister and I have both been to therapy, and have some understanding at this point of the damage we carry, though it's...

@Lewa I absolutely agree, had some similar experience with the emotional abuse being the worst of it. I used to wish they'd just hit me so I could have physical pain instead. I've described it as having someone take a cheese grater to your skin every day of your life until you're nothing but...

I may not be accomplishing on the levels that I wish I were, but I'm getting little things done... ordering items for my boyfriend's birthday party, scheduling the dog grooming, etc. I want to be working more on my fitness today, but I simply don't have the energy right now.

I slept in again today. I know I didn't set an alarm, but still. Usually my body runs on an 8-8.5 hour sleep cycle naturally, which I enjoy. Last night I was closer to 10 hours. I don't like feeling like I've wasted that time, but I also know that I'm tired, that my brain isn't working right and...

Sometimes I forget that when I fall apart, it's not always some personal failure. It's not because I'm not strong enough or smart enough or determined enough. Sometimes, it's my brain.... my brain which has been re-wired by trauma and abuse, and those circuits and habits don't come undone...

Hang in there. Find something small to accomplish, and use that momentum to do another small task. One step at a time.

Yes and no. Through my sister and a close friend, I came to find I have a fairly limited memory of the worst things from when I was really small. My best friend remembers my own childhood much differently (and more gruesomely) than I do until I was about 8, when they found a doctor who gave into...

It's been difficult lately. I left therapy (sort of graduated), but am welcome to call and make an appointment if I need one. I know not having that weekly outlet may be part of it, which is where this community will come to be a bigger part of my life again, because.... well, say rape or PTSD...

Whenever my boyfriend is gone, I turn into a workaholic. It seems to be okay, because when he's gone he's working a long week and we're both tired by the time he returns, but I know he worries since my sleep schedule changes so much and my focus on my to-do list becomes laser-like. Since I run...

I didn't have this, which actually concerned my therapist a bit (I was very out-of-touch with the physical symptoms of my PTSD), and my therapist recommended In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine, which explores the effects of suppressed physical movements in potentially traumatic events. As I...

I haven't been here in a while, which is a good feeling because I haven't felt like I've needed to be talking about my experiences as much. The holidays and then a new year with renewed schedules and plans for health, weight loss, and organizing my life have also kept me pretty busy. In 2...

Thanks everyone :) I'm looking at it as a less pressing issue right at the moment, but with my boyfriend being a video game fanatic, I know it'll continue to be something I have to walk the line of. Though as we grow in our relationship, understanding that our passions aren't going to align...

So... Routine has been difficult to nonexistent. I guess I'm back again. But this time... It's not entirely me. I'm trying to leave him space to struggle with his own stuff, space to be tired or cranky or just plain human. Thinking back to when he took on a second job is probably the last time I...

Most often, I try to keep my apartment comfortable and calm so it can be my escape. I enjoy that it's surrounded by a hillside forest and that I can enjoy the view from my balcony, the gym, or the pool, or I can go out hiking with my dog in the woods. But when I need to really hunker down & feel...

I'm not 100% sure what went wrong, but it was hard to contain myself once I got back in my car. I'm not so prudish that I can't handle seeing women's bodies. But looking back, any club has generally been the same experience. It could be the chaos, my unenjoyment of the scene, feeling out of...

I thought for years that I just didn't like clubs. Today I realized it may be related to being triggered. Anyone else have experience in difficulty with night clubs, dance clubs , strip clubs, etc? Trying to put the pieces together.

Things I'm learning: fitness is important, and while I used to hate routine, keeping one is a big help. Otherwise, once everything starts falling apart, it all just goes to hell. I'm more fragile than I ever would have admitted to myself. But I'm learning I'm also getting stronger by admitting...