Safe Havens

[NewDayTomorrow]

Dear people who read this,

I wonder do you have a place you can go where things just feel like things will all be ok one day?

I used to go to a favorite coffee shop with my former boyfriend, who is now a good long distance friend. He stuck with me through the events that caused me to be diagnosed with ptsd and we are good friends but we will not be in any relationship unless I can stabilize someday.

Anyway, after he moved on (graduated one year ahead of me in college) I kept going to this coffee shop, it was sad to be there without him at first, but eventually it started to give me that old feeling that everything will be ok, it was like a nice time warp to just get lost there and enjoy the people watching and read a book or work on assignments.

And there is a little park not far from it, and a memorial overlooking athletic fields and a hilly horizon, and these are places I used to go often to sit and meditate and write in a journal or read my favorite book about PTSD (one about how to heal and accept yourself, very gentle motivational material).

But lately, these places have lost their effect and the only real safe place I know of is my single dorm room. I sometimes go there between classes just to lie down and rest.

I am 8 weeks away from graduating and just tired of being here. I occasionally meet up with my old roommate, and skype daily with my ex, who sometimes gets lonely in his new work location. I try to break up the routine so it doesn't feel like such a drag every day.

Anyway does anyone have safe havens where they can go to get away from everyone and feel at peace? And have any of these places ever lost their effect? So you go there looking to feel better and it just doesn't happen for you like it used to? Sometimes when I get very upset, I start walking to the coffee shop, then walk right out the door as soon as I see how crowded it is, sit at the park, can't settle, walk back to campus, and just feel lost in circles trying to find a place that feels ok to be. I've even tried going at different times of day.

Part of my feelings of being lost/unsettled have to do with the fact that my migraines, which are now abated, used to cause me to collapse and feel vulnerable and there are a lot of places I've collapsed around here so sometimes, I just don't feel settled no matter where I go.

Just looking for thoughts I guess.

JBS

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

One place that can be a safe haven for me is the public library. My mom volunteered at the local library where I grew up so I spent a lot of time there as a little kid. I used to go there all the time and wander through the shelves (of which there about 10). When I went to college, I would go to the college library and find a comfy chair on a floor that was fairly empty. I would sit and write. This summer I went to the public library where I now live and it was great. I had taken my kids there for years, but I had never really gone by myself to escape until this summer. It's quiet and I like that.

I hope you can find another safe haven or two to help you through the 8 weeks before you graduate.

 

[Chava]

I've always felt a strong "safe" connection to certain places. I don't feel like I really have any right now because too many people started showing up at one of the places, and the solitude of my home doesn't feel right because I'm so exhausted by living out of town. But it is important to have these good spaces, even if tiny spaces we create for ourselves. I do have a couple little spaces in my house that feel extra safe because they are devoted only to yoga or artwork, etc...no bill-paying, eating, any of that stuff I have to do. As a kid I felt very safe in the woods and out exploring on my own, protected by nature. I think that helped me a lot. I sometimes can still connect to that, sometimes not.

 

[arfie]

My safe places keep changing, too. Sure wish I could find the formula to figure that mystery, but until then... Walking is my refuge when I am between safe places. Driving, not so much. For me, driving is a better escape than safe place. Walking gives me private exploration until I find my next safe place.

 

[Whirlwind]

Walking is my refuge when I am between safe places

Spot on for me too, places don't work so well for me unless I'm kind of hidden or can retreat - home, hotel etc. When I need safe I don't feel it with people...but I find it nearly always when I am walking and running, I see people and I'm outside, and I feel safe, its familiar, I think its good to get out, I always feel better and often I can express feelings which I can't other wise. My best place is always in nature, hiking or camping, doesn't matter where, I always find a good spot.

Take care, congrats on only 8 wks left!! Whirlwind

 

[Ed Norton]

I haven't found a true safe haven as of yet but there are two places that calm me down and where I can practice my mindfulness. They are:
1. The Marina in Flushing by La Guardia Airport...I like to sit by the water and watch the planes takeoff and land.
2. The boardwalk in Far Rockaway where I also walk by the water and watch the horizon.

 

[Lost214]

Maybe since you only have 8 weeks left before you leave it's the universes way of getting you ready to move on. Time for a change perhaps and a new safe place. I have had the experience of my safe place no longer feeling safe. It's hard! To me feels like another loss. But someway I eventually find another. Depending on where I am mentally affects what I feel is safe place. Take care and best of luck

 

[Fadeaway]

For the last 2 years I have not, and I don't expect to have one soon. There is no way on earth I am walking alone in my neighborhood. Not having one is very distressing.

 

[Seasounds]

Not really. I go to nature to find comfort.

There was a period of time, when I could feel free of fear, while camping on some friends land-40 acres, that was fenced off, on an island. It was amazing to not have fear be so omnipresent.

 

[Nikki100]

There is this small mountain my best friend and me used to walk up. There's a café half way up, a platform with a lot of people almost at the top and a small meadow at the top where we were usually alone. It was our favorite place and even though it took us ages to get up there the last times because I was pushing him in a wheelchair with my oxygen bottle in his lap, it was always extremely calming to go there.
He died of cancer this year and I thought I'd never be able to go there without him but being there actually still makes me feel safe and close to him.

 

[Karen12]

The beach anywhere, where I can sit on the sand and listen to the crashing waves. Looking out at the ocean makes me feel like anything is possible. I'm not near a beach anymore so now it's my bed. I try to make it as comfortable as I can with a memory foam mattress topper (which really helps with chronic pain if anyone is interested in getting one), a little custom pillow I made for myself and some stuffed animals. Alarm clocks are banned from the room!

 

[Viosinger]

Most often, I try to keep my apartment comfortable and calm so it can be my escape. I enjoy that it's surrounded by a hillside forest and that I can enjoy the view from my balcony, the gym, or the pool, or I can go out hiking with my dog in the woods. But when I need to really hunker down & feel safe, like last night), I stay home & rest.