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Actually my problem is I don't tell many people what is going on with me, I just go into crisis mode and handle it. Nicolette, what you said makes alot of sense. I think we are on same wavelength Just feeling overwhelmed by it all.

Is there a way to print this in "printer friendly" method

I realize that Anthony, just feel like present stressors always come up, so then have no time/energy for trauma work. In meantime still trying to deal with dissociation and ptsd symptoms. I see T again on Feb 11, now part of me thinks T is waste of time and I don''t even want to bother going...

Went to psychologist yesterday, was telling her that felt discouraged because feels like take one step forward and 10 steps back. She admitted that she is frustrated with my case and the challenges that come up. She is not sure what to do next. So now what? If she doesnt know what to do, I...

I couldn't get to appt at all, I sat outside her office. I called asked her for telephone session instead, she said if it was crisis situation she would agree to phone session. The a part of me told her to just forget it and hung up on her. Now she is off for 2 weeks. Why does part of me keep...

All I want is to get up in the morning and be happy to be alive. Right now I wake up in morning and look at myself in mirror and see a pathetic lonely worthless 39 year old woman who has done nothing with her life. Pretty pathetic.

I have therapy tomorrow with psychologist. I asked for this appointment. I know I need help. Yet everytime I get there I freeze. Not sure why that is. I trust her. But it is like my mind goes blank. I can't even make eye contact with her. Then I feel more guilty because I think I am...

I am in therapy, have been for 7 years now. However when I started therapy it was from burning out at work and depression. I never made connection between what happened with ex-bf and total breakdown 3 years later. My therapist didn't know about my past history, and I didn't bother bringing...

Thanks Anthony. I know you are right. And some days I feel OK. It is just this time of year that everything seems more bleak. These nightmares and flashbacks seem like they have a hold on me when I am most tired and then it becomes a vicious circle. Am tired, so I get nightmares/flashbacks...

This was posted elsewhere...but though I'd post it here as well. I am glad I found this forum. I haven't been with my ex-bf in years, yet he still haunts me most days. Not sure when it will all end. I don't even know how it all began. He was so different in the beginning. But once we moved...

Thank you all for support/suggestions. I actually printed out what I wrote and brought it to doctor. I did freeze once I got there. We tried some grounding excercises, but once she asked me to concentrate on what am feeling in body, I panicked more. Not sure what that is about. Then...

I am having terrible flashbacks and panic attacks. Fall is always bad time for me, and Nov 11th is worst day. It is ironic, on Rembrance Day, I remember yet, but not soldiers, I remember another battle, a battle I lost, a battle where part of me died and ex-boyfriend took part of my soul...

It happens all this time this time of year, even though i tell myself this year will be different, happens again and again and again. He won. It is hard to go through this "anniversary". Don'thave energy left sometimes

Just spoke to T's receptionist. T's daughter is back in hospital, so now she won't be coming back until Feb. I am thinking I should start looking for new T. Fall is bad time for me. I just dont have the energy to start over. Not sure what to do.

I just found out doctor might be back in October after being off since June 1. I have missed her alot, but not sure if I can go back. I mean I feel guilty telling her my problems after she has gone through her child being in hospital (receptionist let it slip that was bone cancer) I am not...

My doctor had family emergency, so all appts cancelled for this month and July. The receptionist said something about her daughter and sounds very serious. I feel very sad for T :(. And part of me wants to send a card or leave a VM, but would that be appropriate? I am also feeling very...

Jadebear, I feel the exact same way. My T sometimes notices (not sure how) and asks me to stay with her. It is frustrating, but for now we are working on what causes me to dissociate. Small baby steps. I know now if I push myself too much, then will shut down for alot longer. So be patient...

All of this is so scary to me and so out of ordinary. I like things to be logical and in control and right now am feeling so out of control. Like not knowing what I am telling T is session is very frustrating to me, because how am I supposed to get better if I dont even remember what is being...

all of this is so scary to me and so out of ordinary. I like things to be logical and in control and right now am feeling so out of control. Like not knowing what I am telling T is session is very frustrating to me, because how am I supposed to get better if I dont even remember what is being...

No she hasn't called me back, but it is long weekend her so she might have taken Friday off, hopefully she will call on Tuesday. She doesn't just write scripts....she has stupid policy that she has to talk to patient even just for 10 minutes for prescription.

I am in Canada, and doctor doesn't do refills by phone or fax, I have to somehow schedule another appt with her, even if it is 10 minutes, problem is that last week she didnt have any openings next week when we were looking to schedule appts

It was difficult session and at the end of session, just wanted to leave, so I forgot to ask doctor for refill on cymbalta. I don't see her for another 2 weeks, but have only enough meds for 1 week. I left her a message, but she isn't calling me back. I am panicing and dreading going...

How Do I Get Unstuck? I am not sure what to make of this part, been denying for so long that have parts as dont really fit DID like totally different personality, more like its me only different ages sometimes It is a fine line between working through trauma and destabilizing. again a part of...

I had therapy session today. Therapist saw was having trouble staying focused. I told her the same thing was happening this week, felt like was watching therapy session from across the room, only wasnt really me watching, it was younger version of me, like me 10 years ago when was with bf...

That is what my T mentioned depersonalization or derealization, forget which one. But this usually happens when am scared and did happen for sure when was traumatized. But not sure why it is happening now with T. I feel safe with her and just want to get on with the process, but a part of me...