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Can someone explain what attachment style actually is? Does it mean not trusting people? I read a lot about this and I don't really get it. My T says that our relationship will allow me to model healthy attachment, I guess my style is not healthy because I don't really trust anyone 100% - not...

The hyper vigilant part of me needs to know a little about my T in order to trust. If I knew absolutely nothing about my therapist I would probably go down a path of trying to determine if he/she were a possible threat. Knowing that my T has a dog or family or likes hiking makes me feel like...

Sad, loneliness, grief

@Sideways I think you are right. The part that comes up in therapy most definitely feels like it does a better job of of protecting me. He is also very loyal to my previous T from childhood who said not to talk to the inside voices and all these years he has been keeping them away from the adult...

So I posted on here before that I had something like DID as child, was treated and it got better, I think. Now that I am trauma therapy, I have one alter from back then who has risen up to help me. I didn't think I was switching but I had one session where I didn't remember anything we talked...

When I am dissociating a lot my sleep is also a mess. I either can't sleep at all because the weird mental state I am in doesn't know how to sleep or I sleep way too much as an escape maybe. Maybe that is what is happening to you? Trying to ground yourself might help. Maybe focus on what your...

I did this from 12-16. Does your therapist know!

I have been working without pay for how many days now??? WTF!!!

Absolutely - just getting through the day is enough!

The list is a good idea - it will give you something tangible to focus on and control. I think I am going to try that too. When my T and I were discussing my struggles with trust, he asked what I was afraid would happen and I just said I don't know but I think making a list will help.

My T said that the therapeutic relationship is a way to model healthy attachment. So if I can learn to have a healthy attachment with him than I can apply that skill to other relationships. I don't really know what a healthy attachment looks like but I suppose that means trust and boundaries and...

It sounds like you are dissociating which is pretty common amongst us. I dissociate a lot and have found that rather than talking about memories in therapy, it helped to just concentrate on identifying any feelings I might be having and really trying to stay connected to those feelings. Maybe...

Wow - thanks everyone, this is very reassuring, I am always so impressed at how wise everyone is on this forum, maybe if I ever learn to trust my therapist I will be there myself some day. So it sounds like IFS can really be helpful in learning to communicate better with yourself and that it...

I talked to my T about it and he gave the same advice as everyone here, that I should learn to talk to these old parts and that we could try IFS work which does seem counter-intuitive for sure but glad to hear from all of you that it does indeed help. I guess what I am struggling with now and...

If there is a partial program focused on trauma then I would encourage going for that first. Keeping your job is important for lots of different reasons, not just financial. If you get overwhelmed during the partial program then maybe they could fast track you to inpatient if you need it.

Maybe say for number 2. I would like to learn to manage triggers so that I no longer respond to them by becoming suicidal and hurting myself. But saying straight up the your goal is not to kill yourself is pretty honest and compelling - I'd go with that.

Can you have phone or video sessions while he is traveling so you can maintain your connection?

I agree with everyone else. Time to get a new T. This one sounds incompetent or unethical or both.

Years ago when I was in analysis and dream interpretation was a thing, I had a dream that my therapist was trying to hurt me. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that I was having trust issues and my mind was playing out worst fears about what might happen if I trusted him. We talked...

I think its normal to be stressed out when you are filling out clearance paperwork, that form is daunting I have a clearance for my job and every time I am re-investigated I panic that they will find something that I somehow forgot. You will have to discuss the dismissal with the investigator...

I feel "phantom" pain the same way in the parts of my body that were hurt. I think that this is pretty common for us PTSD'ers.

I wish I had something encouraging to say. I don't really like hugs either unless its family or a very close friend. I always shake hands with my therapist at the end of the session and I enjoy that I would not be comfortable at all if he hugged me.

Thanks! I needed to hear this. I feel like I am not alone. Thinking of it as just parts of my past that need to be acknowledged is really reassuring. My T thought that maybe this director presence I am feeling know, I developed as sort of a protector when I was a kid and now that I am...

I spent a year in a mental hospital at the age of 13 for trauma-related dissociative disorder ( they didn't call it that in 1980). I was treated with psychoanalysis and it was effective for the dissociation but not really for the trauma. I just started real trauma therapy and am trying...

Thanks for all of your feedback, I really need it right now. I started therapy this week and all of this suppressed rage and anger started to well up out of nowhere when I started to read this book he recommended " The Body Keeps the Score". These emotions feel very dangerous and destructive and...