DID how to stop switching during therapy?

[Cypress]

So I posted on here before that I had something like DID as child, was treated and it got better, I think. Now that I am trauma therapy, I have one alter from back then who has risen up to help me. I didn't think I was switching but I had one session where I didn't remember anything we talked about but my T said that I was making an argument for I shouldn't get therapy, that it was dangerous and would make me worse. Last week I tried to be more aware and noticed that I would feel a lot of pressure behind my eyes and I could feel the alter slide into place. I could see myself talking but I couldn't hear it. My last session, I told my T that I am dissociating a lot during therapy and he said he thinks I'm right and we will work on trying to figure out what triggers the switch.

Has anyone come up with a way to stop during this during therapy? I am wondering if I focus on identifying feelings rather than memories that it might get better.

 

[Wendell_R]

I do grounding exercises at the end of sessions where my alters come out, and my therapist always makes time for that. I wouldn't presume that keeping the alters away all the time is desirable. A lot of times, we want the alters to come out, but my therapist brings the Big Wendell part of me back and tells me what my alters said.

I have the same brain awareness that you do. I have an actual physical sensation of different areas of my brain activating more with different parts. I've found that I can consciously redirect my brain away from the area of particular parts (I know this sounds weird). If you are aware of that first pressure, that will help.

I think some good steps are: a) learn what grounding techniques work for you, and to decide when these are/are not necessary, b) becoming aware of the signs that you are close to switching and c) to figure out which parts are coming up, and for your therapist to recognize them.

 

[Sideways]

I was making an argument for I shouldn't get therapy, that it was dangerous and would make me worse.

Probably you may need to work through this issue. Our parts tend to take over when they feel like we’re in danger, and that they’re going to do a better job of protecting us.

It almost doesn’t matter how much you disagree with this part. Until you can work through this part’s concerns? They may keep on airing their concerns on their own behalf. Building trust between this part and your T may help this process, which your T should be able to help you with.

Definitely agree with all of the above suggestions about grounding. But part of you believes that therapy is dangerous, and pushing ahead as planned before dealing with that concern will demonstrate to this part that you aren’t listening to their concerns, and can’t be trusted to represent them, which will encourage them to continue taking over.

 

[Cypress]

@Sideways I think you are right. The part that comes up in therapy most definitely feels like it does a better job of of protecting me. He is also very loyal to my previous T from childhood who said not to talk to the inside voices and all these years he has been keeping them away from the adult me. He needs to be convinced. I get it.

@Wendell_R When I get the pressure behind my eyes, I am not sure how to redirect the energy away. How do you do that? How do you ground yourself? I usually get a big headache after a switch and that grounds me in a way I guess.

 

[Wendell_R]

I think the redirection happens easier after you get to know your parts and are more comfortable with them. Then, it's easier to observe without great anxiety. So maybe that is a later thing, if at all. Maybe for now, notice when the pressure just starts to build, and say something to your therapist, if you can, that that is happening.

I ground myself by looking at my therapist's eyes, describing fine details that I see/feel/hear. standing up and doing simple yoga poses, and drinking ice water. I try to avoid any kind of daydream or having my thoughts wander away from the details of what is happening in my therapist's office.

I agree with everything that @Sideways said, by the way!

 

[whiteraven]

I think it's helpful to dissociate during therapy, even though it is sometimes scary. It's a safe place and it can give the therapist valuable insight into what's going on with you.

 

[Muttly]

You've gotten some good tips on how to not dissociate. I am curious as to why you don't want to dissociate? Is it causing a problem? It seems like your other is providing some important info to your therapist.

 

[shimmerz]

I used to suck back super sour candies. Like Warheadz.

 

[Cypress]

@Muttly I guess I don't want to dissociate during therapy because I want the everyday me to be able to handle the memories and feelings. Also I think I am programmed from my treatment as a kid that listening to voices is bad.

@shimmerz I like the sour candy idea. I like really salty licorice so I will try that too.

Thanks for the help - always love the feedback get from you folks

 

[Wendell_R]

I want the everyday me to be able to handle the memories and feelings

I tried doing that for about 10 years of therapy. It didn't work for me. The inner voices just churned inside & I acted out a lot. And that led to a whole lot of despair.

I'm much calmer, and sober, after the inner parts found their voices, and we all learned to talk to one another. The adult me is still in charge, so listening to my voices is not the same as doing what they want to do.

 

[Cypress]

The adult me is still in charge, so listening to my voices is not the same as doing what they want to do.

This is where I would like to be- in charge and calm.

The voice I can't seem to manage right now is this persecutor who is actually one of my abusers, he insults me a lot and is suicidal. He wants to come out during therapy and I'm worried about what he'll say to my T.

 

[Wendell_R]

The voice I can't seem to manage right now is this persecutor who is actually one of my abusers, he insults me a lot and is suicidal. He wants to come out during therapy and I'm worried about what he'll say to my T.

That sounds like a difficult voice to manage. I have a lot of internalized shame and lack of worth, but no violent or abusive voices, which makes things easier in some ways, I guess. What in particular are you worried about if the voice comes out during therapy?