This is where I would like to be- in charge and calm.
The voice I can't seem to manage right now is this persecutor who is actually one of my abusers, he insults me a lot and is suicidal. He wants to come out during therapy and I'm worried about what he'll say to my T.
I understand how scary it is to let a part talk in therapy. I didn't want certain parts talking to my therapist and have refused them for a time. I eventually talked to my therapist about it. We talked about why I was afraid of a certain part, I was afraid of what he'd say to her, mostly harsh, cruel judgements, crictisms, or cursing. My therapist explained how she could handle it and wouldn't take that stuff personally (Ts are tained too). We also talked about how this part would benefit getting therapy and truth is I did want him to get therapy because his rage was/is out of control.
Could you talk with your T concerns and come up with solutions together in how to handle this part? Could your part benefit from therapy? Could talking out their problems or learning coping skills help?
With my part I did set some rules, they weren't allowed to yell or curse at my T. He was willing to oblige. He was actually more well behaved than I had imagined. Even if he wasn't, that is okay, we are all there to learn.
I recently had another part go to therapy, something I noticed is how a part acts in therapy isn't necessarily how they normally act or act towards me. At least for me, my parts are usually low key around others. Like hiding in plain sight.
That part I was so scared of hasn't gone to therapy much but the fact I'm no longer afraid of this part has made a huge difference. I'm not using up so much energy trying to contain him or others, I'm not filled with so much anxiety. I also know this part better and I talk to him when he gets upset and we're able to validate each other. He was one of my most problematic parts but now we have a good relationship, at least I like to think so. Any part in my system is allowed to go to therapy now and I've given up dictating who's fronting since that didn't work anyways :P
I have thoughts about suicide when I make mistakes. Not sure where they come from tbh, like if it's a part or just thoughts. Harsh judgements and criticism is the norm for my system and come from more than one part. What I've learned from reading though is these types of thoughts and parts are trying to help in their own way. It helps to acknowledge their efforts and that there are more effective ways or you have learned more effective ways to deal.
Though I don't try to control who is out anymore in therapy. Grounding by all the senses, breathing techniques, fruit candy, mints, water, and tactile stuff helps me to stay grounded and thus less likely to switch and can give parts a chance to exit if fronting.
