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It's not even like I can call samaritans because I've already tried to join them twice but never got accepted probably because I'm like this and the second time I got an interview I was so keen to show them I was better in the interview all I did was talk about myself and forgot to mention...

f*ck this day. f*ck it from start to finish. I'm f*cking absolutely done with it. I hate my life and I hate myself more. I'm never going to be even close to okay so what is the f*cking point. I'm absolute poison to everyone around me. Self absorbed prick who makes my problems everyone elses. As...

I've had this happen before, whenever I was overseas I'd be convinced I saw people from home. Nearly convinced myself that my life was like the Truman show and they were just running out of actors :giggle:

I have a really big problem with shame/cringing. I know this is just residue from the emotional abuse and I could silently work on it...If it wasn't for the vocal 'tics' that I've developed in the last year and a bit. Basically you know when you cringe and you out of reflex say something like...

How you're feeling is very understandable considering what you've been through. I feel the same about having no baseline for normal. How are you finding the therapy? Have you brought this up to them?

I feel you about the CMHT but I'm glad you're doing what you can to help yourself by joining the forum :) welcome, I'm a newbie too and it's nice to see you here

Yes she is my grandma, my mother side live here and she was my mothers mother. My fathers side live in Scotland. Should have clarfied that haha :P I'm definitely thankful to have had that light, I think it's great though that you are evidently reaching out and being that for other people. It...

Welcome to the forum! I think it's a great step to take and I hope you find a lot of good help and support here. Sorry you are going through a hard time, I like the scrambled egg similie I might use that myself from now on. It's also great you have your family, I think you are being very brave...

Definitely, my turn to carry the torch :) I don't know my grandparents as well who live in Scotland, but definitely appreciate everyone's life a lot more now

I think one of the things about trauma is it is often a lonely thing. Especially if you're young and still trying to work the world out. It can make the world very dark and difficult to navigate so you brace yourself for what seems a constant imminent pain. My nana, she was a great woman...

Thank you for your post, it helps me to not be alone with this pain and guilt. Thank all of you for understanding :)

Thank you, it was emotional abuse most of the time. I understand because of that I had to be 'manipulative' to survive in a way. Maybe it's now that I know I don't need to is why I look back on things this way. I find it hard to award myself self-forgiveness. I'm used to punishment never ending...

Please bare with me, I haven't been on the forum long and am still trying to navigate my feelings. I felt this would be the best place to start. At the moment, my biggest insecurity as to if I am a good person or not. I know logically this is my anxiety speaking/ mimicking my abuser. It's not...

Thank you so much! I just read it and it's so me I could cry. I feel like my brain is a shoe and the laces are getting untied. I feel a great rush of understanding myself more :)

Thank you all so much. I am thankful to finally accept what my issues are, and accepted the hope that comes with that. I'm unsure where to start though, this is all a bit overwhelming. I have alot of guilt and shame inside of me and it causes me problems talking about this. I don't know if I'm...

I have been diagnosed with multiple things, I even considered I might be autistic as I just don't feel I function like other people. But I'm facing it now, that I probably have c-ptsd due to severe emotional abuse as a child. I have worked alot to be better, mainly in how I treat others. I have...