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You know the best part of being almost somewhat mute tho, now, is my dog listens to me more than EVER LOL. (Ok I get delirious when I haven't slept for many nights, sawry!)

I KNOW, it's the so strange. I know EXACTLY what I am thinking but I feel so mute when I go into appts. BUT, the most amazing part is, they (trauma therapists) actually UNDERSTAND and help you through the whole process. It's almost scary how much they help me. I even just asked in my last appt...

The question just popped up in my head and I became curious. Thought I'd try this thread since it seems to happen most with therapists :)

LOLOL..at least I made you smile :p

Sorry, that post above was a mistake LOL. Wrong thread :D

When you've been up all night, three nights in a row, and your highlight of the day turns into saying good morning to the sun! LOL

When you've been up all night, four nights in a row, and your highlight of the day is saying good morning to the sun each morning ;-p

Hi Barefoot, I've had four musculoskeletal surgeries just in the past year and a half and Ativan works great for staying asleep for me. Just thought I would share what my surgeons use for me (even after major surgeries, I CANNOT sleep in the hospital without it).

When you're getting ready to tell your therapist something on your mind, like "please stop you're scaring me now." But instead it comes out "Mary Poppins orange dog fly."

Part of me feels like I should explain now, I don't know what is wrong or right for me to do anymore. I had many musculoskeletal surgeries past couple years and seen about dozen MDs and more than a dozen therapists and couple psychiatrists in just two years. Only one therapist and one...

**NOTE: Sorry, cannot pay attention to detail and multi-task - did not mean all BPD diagnoses make anyone crazy...what I was trying to say is all MDs recognized "her" as crazy. Just had to clear that possible confusion up! Wish I could edit the original now :(

Shankara helped save my life the first post I'd ever placed here, I must first thank her for that (I hope you don't mind)! Seeing she started a diary, I'd never even known what this thread was about before, I am starting one today. I have just been curled up in bed for few days now, feeling...

I know exactly how you are feeling, Sud Bates, and had I reached out to others like you have I may not have completed the attempts. It is ok, try not to be hard on yourself for thinking any of it...it's how you feel or felt at that moment and good for you for reaching out like you have!! I did...

Can't even count how MANY things I've done to embarrass myself these past decades in front of SO MANY. Hang in there!

I get what you're saying, I came to realize I am actually scared of any medical professional saying I have PTSD and they are trying to keep me from thinking label-wise. It's hard because with disassociation, I am in full fight mode with them now and find it harder to even tell when I am...

Thank you very much, JEKBreatheandBelieve! Yes, I do have a good trauma team I just started working with in November and they have experience with disassociation. I just got so irritated yesterday not being able to be the real (scared) me, but the tough girl who can conquer anything...

There are social/cultural issues to take into consideration, too. The practice of assisted suicide, for individuals who have been citizens for (if I remember correctly) at least five years within the country providing the assistance, such a practice is normal to them (for anyone suffering...

Thanks for sharing this. I had no idea this was even possible, as I am new to just learning I disassociate. I was actually worried, right after my T appt Friday, something was wrong and may be wrong for long while (if my strong disassociation, the one in control over me for past 15 years, keeps...

Wow, I needed to read this right now, thanks for the share! I tried to commit suicide three times in November and have been working closely (after that) with a trauma team of P and two T's ever since. Things are moving fast because have been in therapy for over a year, otherwise, but not with a...

Thank you, again, for your words. This will help me as more and more comes up (and out), recognizing (hopefully) I am not alone in this crazy journey where nothing can be planned ahead of time. I have distanced myself from so many family and friends and realize (after reading your words) as much...

OMG it hurts sooo badly, and YES, that is exactly what happened. I just didn't want to believe it, I just came out to understand there are three disassociations, so far. I do not want to learn anymore about myself - that's enough - why can't I just get better now instead of anymore peeling the...

Zoogal, that is so true about PTSD being a hard one to try and do it with. For lack of a better analogy, it feels like a "freaky Friday" kind of experience inside. No one I know has PTSD and I came to realize how could I fake any of this when I have no basis to even fake it off...just strange...

So true, I am now just figuring out! It seems it would be impossible to fake any of this and keep story straight and the physiological factors that go with each "of the moment" realization. I was scared and needed to ask the question as I was just noticing there were two of me in my head and I...

Thank you, for that, I REALLY needed to hear that because I felt really embarrassed after admitting that! Worried people, sometimes, won't want to answer my posts anymore because as I am figuring this all out (at a rapid speed right now, after a couple years of going through SO MANY P's & T's...

That helps more than you know, Amosmorris! I thank you very kindly for the suggestions and am going to share with her. I hate that feeling like you may have a heart attack...the physical things that come up are just shocking sometimes. I had no idea I was so afraid to face my traumas, nor that...