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Now that I'm older - I can't seem to get myself to cry! Even when I need/want to. I'm so empty inside - and afraid to let anything out. The only time, I lowered my guard and let out some emotion - I ended up in the hospital. So, I keep it all in.. I have a few songs that can bring tears to my...

I always go for a walk. Then I can cry, where no one sees me .. mourn.

Crying? What's that ! When ever I cry or even try to - all I get from other people is "stop that, it can't be that bad."

When I told - everyone erupted at me. My whole family was yelling -again - at me. It was like being "re-traumatized". I won't do that again. :(

I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way or not. But I want to express what I seem to feel. I read an article this morning that is mentioning people that have had Covid, may feel that they have PTSD. I don't know why this bothers me - but it does. Kind of like having another person say they...

If you don't want to go further, or your T does not want to- it's your choice. However, I have found over the years that my inner child needs to feel that they are loved and not alone. I actually sat down and wrote her a letter to tell her that I (adult me) love her and can always be there for...

A long walk by myself, to process and relax, or cry if I need to. And an unusual one... I actually feel safer sitting on the floor. I can talk about my feelings better from there. Kind of like sitting up against a wall and feeling protected.

Might try sitting down - away from "the chair" and talk to the dentist/doctor alone. (in your case - even by phone) When I spoke to my dentist, I asked him to take me to another room so I could explain a little about my...paranoia of the dentist. He was very understanding and told me that he had...

Thank you for saying what you did. I also don't like anything about s**. It took me half a century to finally decide to say "no" to anyone who wanted me to do anything that hurt me. (Even physically, it hurt.) I still deal with the guilt, and I'm embaressed that I don't like it. It seems to be...

When I went back to one of the places that I was attacked, I found myself able to mourn and to connect with the little girl inside me. She is screaming for help, and sometimes I don't know how to help her. She was so young.....

Welcome to the forum. I'm sure that you will find that there are lots of other people who can understand and relate to what your feeling and going thru.

Could you please tell me that name and artist of the song you're referring to in your post about being a "widow"? As I was growing up, I used to use a lot of music for my own therapy. I would love to hear these words that you mentioned in the lyrics.

When you refer to "woman with knives", are you referring to yourself? Using a knife for defending yourself? This really got my attention when I read the word "knife"--from multiple people no less.

Exactly ! And very well said ! Thanks.

Welcome to the forum. I was in my upper 40's when I was finally diagnosed. It took a stay in the hospital for a week of being hooked to wires and cameras to prove it. I can't tell you how relieved I was when it was finally called something ! PTSD. Just being told that it was not imagined and...

I had this same problem - same cause too. I would suggest sitting down with the dentist - away from the chair and telling him about your fears. I just mentioned that I have PTSD from childhood. He was then able to accept and understand my fears. I have ladies do most of the work on my mouth and...

I find it very difficult to put myself first. I have always been the one who "reaches out first". I have been told by many people that I should not always be the one who "calls first". But, this just makes me more scared that they won't. I can't seem to find the middle line on when and how much...

I will remind everyone that an EEG is not 100% accurate. I had them for years and sometimes it was normal and sometimes not. My folks were sure that I had epileptic seizures. Even when the tests showed me as normal (if I can even consider myself that ! LOL)

Yes, SeekingAfrica. I have a color too. I absolutely hate the color "yellow". It took me many years to finally figure out why. It was the color of my bedroom walls when I grew up. I have very vivid memories of pushing myself up against it to pull myself into a corner. So, of course it was the...

Thank you Grit for confirming some things for me. One, is that disassociation blunts learning. I had always heard that most survivors have a very low grade level. I had blamed myself for so many years. I also understand that it is because a survivor is more focused on survival and self...

Mine look like I just stepped out to "cloud nine". I have a friend who knows exactly what it looks like and keeps and eye on me. One time I did it at a birthday party. She said to everyone there (all close friends) 'lets all go get a drink of pop in the kitchen so we're not all staring at her...

Welcome to the forum, Autumn Breeze. You sound like your doing everything you can. Keep up the good work.

I have had physical memories a couple of times. I didn't know what they were from till later. It usually takes me a few hours/days to figure out what caused it. It is usually something small. A smell, sound.

Thanks, good to know.

Crickets chirping at night. A soft rain shower on the windows after dark. Crunching of breakfast cereal.